Mom calls me names - am i overreacting?

I get angry when my mom calls me names. Stuff like 'idiot' and 'moron' and stuff like that. She asks me to wake up or shave or get a job or do chores, and calls me a name in the same sentence.

For example. 'Go inside and shave your face. Moron."

Usually I ignore this name-calling but I also don't do what she asks when she calls me a name like that. And eventually I get angry and start throwing things.

Thoughts?

Wow that is a shame. She is not respecting you when she calls you names and belittles you. Just today I asked my son to do a task and a few minutes later he said thank you, mom, for asking me nicely rather than being hostile like Aunt ----.

Can you even have a conversation with your mom? Is she open to feedback? What would happen if you told her you would like for her to speak differently to you?

I bet she doesn't understand that you are willing to do things if she asks nicely but you aren't when she is mean. By the way I feel you have absolutely every right to feel angry but how you express your anger can make a difference.

It has been mentioned to her before, and she stops for a few days, then she's back to her old self.

You are not overreacting. She shouldn't be calling you names. Of course, we don't know how she's saying it when she does... but even name calling in a "playful" manner can be hurtful.

I agree that you have every right to be angry. I would try asking her to stop.

ETA: You and I seem to have posted back to back. I'm sorry that it doesn't seem to work when you ask her to stop.

Sounds like she isn't being real emotionally supportive, IT. Is she acting this way with others as well, or, just you?

Her name-calling could be resentment that you're living with her.

It could be her channeling all of her other frustrations towards a safe person...you.

Then, there are also possible physical changes that may be occurring in your mom's brain. Such as dementia. Dementia - MayoClinic.com

No matter the reasoning, I am sure that it hurts. I'm sorry.

I will advise you not to bother arguing, or trying to reason, with your mom. It isn't working, and is only leading to more intense moments. Just nip it in the bud at all possible times. Do whatever she's asking you to do and then move on.

If your mom continues to call you names and follows you around ~ is there someone else that lives there that you can talk with? There could be a potentially serious problem that really needs to be worked out before tempers fly out of control.

There are many possible scenarios running through my head...Please write down the circumstances completely and let us know. I used to be a CNA at a nursing home, so I've worked with a wide variety of personalities & difficulties. I learned a lot! I also cared for my grandparents when they became elderly & needed a little to a lot more help.

Gentle hugs sent your way, IT.

It's not playful, i would describe it as contemptuous.

It's just me.

I won't do that, I don't like to be ordered around and I don't want to give in to her bullying.

I have a therapist and also I am going to be in rehab soon, so I won't be living here for much longer.

Too many different circumstances.

Today she told me to wake up and called me a moron. Then she went out and I took some messages for her, then she got back and told me I hadn't mopped the floors well and she called me some other names. She also told me to shave and that she bought this small paper and there were jobs in there and I should call some numbers to look for a job. Then I got mad because of the name-calling and nagging and I set fire to some of the clothes that she bought me.

It's not right, I'm sorry for you because I went thru the same thing too. I bet she has serious issues too! She passed it on to me. I did break the cycle. I treat my kids with love. But it's too late for me. You deserve some kind of support and I hope u get some from anther family member perhaps. I was lucky and had that.

This is unacceptable behavior. No parent should act out towards their children, no matter how young or old the child is.

This is called emotional abuse. I would suggest that you take a break and stay away from her for a while.

You do NOT deserve any of this.

That sounds really bad, I feel sorry for you. You should wait for a silent moment to talk to her about that, maybe you could help her with something or tell her that you succeed in something. That could be eventually the right moment. Maybe that'll change something, I hope so.