Finding motivation and absolving loneliness

How do you find motivation to do certain things? Things that you have to like go to school or go to work?

How do you deal with loneliness while maintaining positive company?

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Right now for me I feel like I'm struggling and this seems to happen every so many days a week or every other week, or for a week at a time. It changes. I have days where I feel fine.

Today I just feel really low. I was feeling pretty good yesterday, and I ended up sleeping in very late because after work I just got so incredibly tired that I actually took a nap under a tree before getting home.

I've been coping with feeling loneliness for about a year now and it's not something I'm accustomed to. I rarely, if ever, felt actual loneliness before I turned 18. Now I feel it just about every day, but I really like being alone. I feel that some of it has to do with the fact that I can't plan my social interactions. I don't get a choice in how much time or when I have to talk to other people anymore so it's difficult to settle into waking up to an empty house or waking up to people being home.

I also have school work and my motivation is what sets me off most. If I try to get into the school work regardless of how I'm feeling I start getting irritable, and I start getting S.H. urges or negative thoughts get worse no matter what I tell myself until I start freaking out. Trouble focusing, or even when I get focus I cannot retain the information...

I just feel like a mess. I have an arsenal of coping mechanisms but I'm frustrated because I feel like I would spend the whole day doing things to make myself feel better when I really need to spend the day doing my school work or doing house chores. I don't really have the means to put on loud music to help with that either.

What are some helpful thoughts, mindsets, or coping strategies you might suggest?

Are you sure you aren't depressed? That can definitely affect motivation.

Loneliness can be resolved when you meet some people you truly like and relate to. Are you trying by doing things such as joining clubs, getting out and doing fun things, etc.?

As far as getting work done, I would think about the future and what doing a good job would get me later on. Plus I truly was motivated by trying to get good grades for the sake of patting myself on the back. Some courses I really didn't enjoy at all, but I saw them as a challenge.

If you feel really down, then I suggest you check into talking to a school counselor. I am concerned about the self-injury thoughts. Okay?

Depression might be part of the motivation factor... Two years ago I went and saw a professional for severe depression that was bordering on clinical. It has been easier since then but I still struggle now and again. I feel that I can function day by day, it's even fairly easy to feel pretty well about most of the days. I still have to deal with strong anxiety that stalls my decision-making process and cope with automatic negative thoughts, negative thought patterns, and generally low energy. Sometimes I'll do something 'easier' before doing school work to work up the motivation such as doing the dishes, sweeping the house, laundry, stretching, or organizing paperwork.

I'm still getting to know myself in those respects. Sometimes I'm not sure what is depression, generally lacking motivation, fatigue, lack of inspiration, laziness... etc.

I don't really have any school counselors because I'm doing school online. They offer complimentary life-coaching though. I have a therapist/counselor that I can call but he and I don't really click and I moved out of state about 2-3 months ago.

...idk I'm considering trying to find a mental health care facility and I might go for an in-depth psych evaluation, maybe even get tested for any learning disorders because I feel like some things are just harder than they should be for how much I want to do them.

I think getting yourself checked out again is a good idea. I am sorry your therapist and you don't click anymore, it must be hard for you being all alone.

It sounds like depression is playing a factor but I am no expert.

Good luck to you and keep posting so we know how you are doing.

The self-harm thoughts concern me too

Taking a nap under a tree before going home indicates you are starting to take care of yourself. You may not be all so messed up as you think your are. You may be out growing your work situation. Some times you will feel depressed when giving up old ways of living and feeling.

I can relate to what you say - I have been having many lonely days - I personally think it has something to do with my relationship - but like you I have good days followed by many lonely difficult ones - I do empathise with you

Hi Detia...I just started grad school so I totally know how you feel. I am not sure how old you are but with grad school it's even harder because the teachers don't hold your hand like they do in high school and undergrad. You have to find your own way....

I love what Thunder Bow said about you sleeping under the tree. Finding these little ways to care for yourself is so important. I like to come home, light incense, play some tribal or spiritual music...something with a drum beat, that gives you a taste of something other than city life.

I am also struggling with lack of motivation and loneliness. I am 25 and still live with my folks. I have almost no friends. It will feel like being in a long dark tunnel sometimes but knowing that you are part of an online community of like-minded people just like you can be so healing, Detia.

My major advice is to seek balance. When I started grad school, I immediately felt all this pressure to be this Type-A personality like all my classmates...as it went on though, I realized I would never be that and that it was better to just be myself and take it easy.

Be kind to yourself.

~Alma

Take a deep breath.

recognize that (as someone once told me) YOU are your own best friend. even when you don't feel it. I do like to spend time in my own company. but liking to "BE Alone" is not the same as lonliness. as I have been told that the human creature is a social creature. no man is an island. problem is we DO try to live that way. (an island) why else do you think I am the "Stranger in the corner"? we all need comfort, support, contact with others even when we do not think we do. if like me you don't really have anyone to turn to, you can always remember that "You Are Your Own Best Friend!" take a step back from life, (under that tree is a good place) and in your mind talk to yourself. actually hold a meaningless conversation with yourself while realaxing under that tree. (kinda like pratcising for a Q&A in a debate, but entirely meaningless material) after awhile the feeling while not completely gone, does feel less crushing.

personally I do this pretty much all day long, yes even now while I am typing because it staves off the lonliness a little, and helps organize my thoughts and focus.