[Grey Matter]

I just feel as though so many people have given up on me.

My best friend of 18 years no longer texts or calls me (she's moved 30 or so minutes away) even when I ask how she is, etc. I am not a clingy person. I'll text, see if she has texted back, then shrug it off and be quietly annoyed.

My parents just seem to be shrugging me off these days. Because of the pain, I can't reach certain things (despite my height. I'm weak) and when I ask for assistance they roll their eyes or sigh. If I am crying from pain (which I never do) they act like I am just the most horrible person. When I just need someone to help me up and down the stairs, it seems like I admitted to committing a murder. I had surgery not even a week ago and my dad wants me driving and shopping for the family when I was told by my doctors to be CAREFUL. And what do you know, I pushed myself and I ****ed up some of my stitches. I just hate this feeling because my mom and I were so close. Now it's like I am just another burden.

I just feel so unimportant. I put my heart and soul (what's left of it) into everything. Whether it's helping my parents, being there for my friend, etc. I would take a bullet for them. But it's like they can't accept things are different.

If it were my sister in my position, my dad would be going insane. Asking her how she is, if she needs anything, helping her. He doesn't even remember when I have doctors appointments.

I don't matter. I never did in this family. Not really. All my friends dropped me, soon my only friend locally will, and I will be alone.

I hate myself.

[eggsinfinitum]

Sorry you are having such a rough time. Been there. Sometimes it feels like everyone is so wrapped up in themselves, when will I matter? But I matter to me, and when no one wants to listen to me I write in my journal and it makes me feel better.

Anyway, sure hope you start to feel better- I know when I get some of those feelings out it helps, and this is a good place to do it.

Also, have to tell you I love Matthew Gray Gubler's art- very cool.

Take care, hugs!

[Thunder Bow]

First, Seek Professional Help. You are Not resposible for their attitudes towards you. Their deep rooted problems have nothing to do with you personally.

[gayleggg]

I'm sure glad you come here to post. You do have friends that care. We just aren't able to be there with you. I'm really sorry you are in so much pain. Living with chronic pain can really get you down, especially, if you feel unloved and have to deal with it on your own. Just know that you are always welcome here.

I really can't say why your family treats you the way the do, but it is there cross to bear. I agree with Thunder Bow about it not being personal.

[Grey Matter]

I just don't know how to make friends. Which is a bit sad considering I am in my twenties. I am starting work and I've not idea how to even start a conversation. Ugh. I'll try.

Thank you guys. I feel I have friends here (I KNOW I have friends here) I just wonder if I am that bomb everyone is waiting to go off.

[Thunder Bow]

Starting a new job will always cause anxiety, for that is just normal. It rubber banded you into negative feelings about yourself. You will do well at the job. Work on liking yourself better, and you will do well.

[allme]

[the sad queen]

i hope you get better