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#1
Sep 19, 2013, 09:13 PM
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I apologize if I ramble a bit as I've had a few glasses of wine. I know, awful way to cope..but I haven't gotten any meds yet.
Today was a beautiful day, sunny, warm, I don't have to be up early tomorrow... the problem is that that's the kind of day I'd spend with Megan, my best friend who passed. I wanted so bad all day to just call her up and go grab a 24 and drink in the park and talk about life. She was always there for me, no matter time or place. I called and she'd come pick me up. And I just got so ****ing angry that some man had to come and strangle the life out of my beautiful girl... I apologize for being graphic but there is rage seething through me...and then it's gone. I'm so completely numb it's unsettling. I don't let myself cry. I feel alone always. None of my other friends really call me. They were all there when she died and then like that they were gone. I'm anxious. I'm in pain. I'm angry. and all I want is to be loved. I can't think straight much anymore. I don't dissociate really. I just...go inside my head and then the next minute I'm already home. I want to disappear from the world. Not die, I guess...just fade into the background. I just wanted to stay outside and maybe lie down in the dark some where and hope that I just...disintegrated into nothing. I guess I'm really losing it..
__________________
Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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 avlady, falsememory7, gnat, healingme4me, LadyShadow, likewater, SeekingZen, shezbut, the sad queen, tinyrabbit
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#2
Sep 19, 2013, 09:29 PM
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I hope this feeling subsides soon. That must be an aweful thing to have to go through. Was the guy at least arrested? I hope you can make your peace with it.
Last edited by Anonymous33205; Sep 19, 2013 at 09:46 PM. |
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#3
Sep 19, 2013, 09:33 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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| avlady, shezbut
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#4
Sep 19, 2013, 09:49 PM
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Is there evidence? I hope there is, it's the best way to prove he's not (that he's not 'not guilty'; I realized that could come off wrong). I hope everything works out in your case.
Last edited by Anonymous33205; Sep 19, 2013 at 10:08 PM. Reason: Emphasized wording |
| avlady
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#5
Sep 19, 2013, 10:24 PM
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I just feel so absolutely alone and helpless.. I go from anxious to misery to no emotion at all. I want to jump from a roof..
__________________
Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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| avlady, falsememory7, shezbut
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#6
Sep 19, 2013, 10:40 PM
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We've all been there. It sucks that you lost your friend thevway you did. I Know that there are other people here that will support you, but a true friend is irreplaceable.
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| avlady
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#7
Sep 19, 2013, 11:03 PM
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You poor thing!!!I hope some light will come your way, and justice for your friends killer.
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#8
Sep 19, 2013, 11:17 PM
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Uh, how in the world do you confess and then plead not guilty? Not that strangling a person makes sense either. I'm so , so sorry. I know what it's like to someone and have that be the ONLY person in the universe that could make things better and have them gone. Just please do me a favor and do everything and anything nice to and for yourself that your friend would want you to do. Keep talking to us here if it helps. I hope you have a trusted therapist and i personally think meds help. May angels
surround you, sweetheart. 
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Be like water making its way through cracks, do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, if nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. --Bruce Lee |
 falsememory7
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#9
Sep 22, 2013, 12:12 AM
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I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that atomic <3 I hope you let loose your barriers, and let all of your feelings out, because I find that through release comes coping
nobody deserves to experience what you have, yet I know that you'll find peace - I hope it's sooner rather than later. I know you've been searching for something, I hope you find it soon <3
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~your friend~ 
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