[musicflows]

I'm not really an "active" suicidal. I think about it a lot but it's pure speculation...fantasizing if you will. I could never go through with it at least not now because it would hurt too many people that I love and I tend to care more about other peoples' opinions and feelings than I do my own.

However, I know it's how I'm going to die. I can't think of any other way. It HAS to happen! It's GOING to happen someday. I just don't know when yet. I know how it will happen. I have elaborate plans laid out and I've been very creative in the process, but I don't think I'm allowed to discuss that here.

I have talked about it with my therapist and she doesn't understand why it HAS to happen. Why I HAVE to kill myself sometime that there is no other way.

Does anyone else experience this or know why I have this mindset?

[doyoutrustme]

Yes, I do.

I can only speak for myself, but I just feel like if I HAVE to die one day, it might as well be by my own terms. I don't want to get super old and have people have to take care of me in that state. I don't want some disease to waste me away and go down fighting.

If I gotta die, I wanna die my way!

So, yeah control. Maybe one day, eventually.

[themonster7]

I used to feel that way, then I got better. Now I'm not better anymore and feel like it's inevitable. Wish I could be more help.

i experience this- i know it's what i want.

i've always had the thought of.. well, if i don't do it- if i just die naturally, i'd be so angry at myself

not sure why i feel like this, i think it's something more to do with how i see life, how much of my life has been a waste.. and i've decided on my way out- and no one can change that

[gayleggg]

I feel the same way, however, I know the depression is causing me to feel this way. If I could just get out of the depressive episode, I would be less likely to feel suicidal when I'm back to normal, but I just don't have much hope of that they are going to find something that works. With the loss of hope the more I consider suicidal a better solution. I wish we could all rise above that solution and be happy again. Good luck to all of you.

[wisedude]

Well I guess it is partly because you are skeptical about ever finding a resolution to issues that bother you.

For many years, in my younger life, I was convinced I would kill myself by 30 or around that age.

Indeed I could not imagine my life working out, and I could NOT imagine being happy.

But now, at 38, I LOVE MY LIFE.

I don't have any miracle advice for you just the following. Get professional help and give it a go, so in your case keep talking to your therapist and try to be honest. (2) Try and talk through or resolve difficulties with people you care about (3) Change what needs to be changed in your life, find what you want/need, you CAN achieve a future which is not so bad that suicide seems like the only option.

[SunnySky]

I just know how much life my mother missed by taking her own life when I was eight yrs old. She robbed everyone besides herself.

May your thoughts and even my own not go down this path.

[themonster7]

"My eventual suicide is inevitable, and it's a shame."
Word for word what I told one of my friends about a month ago.

[beautifulxmind]

I feel like this all the time.. and I can really relate to obsessing over how I'll do it. It's a scary thought, but it's one I can't get rid of. Please know, you're not alone.