[bazzinga1990]

we used to text all the time, now we dont speak to each other after what happened. or at least , she is not really trying to talk to me.

March 15th was the day that was supposed to be a happy one. I had the privilege of being in a wedding, I was the maid of honor. but that was to much for me and i just didn't know it yet. so i bought my dress and shoes but yet they sit in my closet..... i stare at them and wish so bad that i was able to be there, to support her on the biggest day of her life. instead, i was in mental hospital because i couldn't handle myself anymore. i lost it and when i came back i found that i was even more lost and alone then when i went in. whether she will understand of not, i didnt mean to hurt her. heck, i wanted more then anything , to be there for her. i love her and miss our friendship. I'm not sure i'll ever be the same person i was before but i still need my friends and i need to know that she cares and that it's only because she is busy being someone's wife now.

.
I just don't want bad feelings and i want her to understand me and support me.

I just feel like i'm being left behind, all my past friends are either to afraid to say something to me or they don't care or maybe they just don't understand.

I'm scared that the friendship i've work so hard to build with this person, is gone now because of me and my stupid depression.

I just want my life back.

[DogTired]

I'm so sorry. Depression sucks. And it's so hard to not feel isolated no matter what the situation, but especially when something like this happens. My heart goes out to you, and I hope time will heal your friendship with this person. Depression is so difficult because it doesn't necessarily have the physical, visual manifestation that other illnesses have so it's hard for people to really get it. Give her time, and hopefully she'll see that this wasn't any different than other illnesses, that it was an illness you couldn't control, and you still love her and want her to love you. She's hurting now too, but hopefully she'll come around and see that despite what's happened and despite your depression, you are the same person you've always been and that's what made you friends in the first place. I hope she recognizes that, and recognizes the value of what you two still have.

[monkeybrains21]

Bazzinga

If she won't answer ur calls or see u, try sending a letter. Explain it all. Tell her how much u wanted to be there for her but u couldn't. If she is really a friend at all she should understand. It's not like u were piss drunk having fun or stoned. U were getting help u need.

[pj4101]

Originally Posted by bazzinga1990

we used to text all the time, now we dont speak to each other after what happened. or at least , she is not really trying to talk to me.

March 15th was the day that was supposed to be a happy one. I had the privilege of being in a wedding, I was the maid of honor. but that was to much for me and i just didn't know it yet. so i bought my dress and shoes but yet they sit in my closet..... i stare at them and wish so bad that i was able to be there, to support her on the biggest day of her life. instead, i was in mental hospital because i couldn't handle myself anymore. i lost it and when i came back i found that i was even more lost and alone then when i went in. whether she will understand of not, i didnt mean to hurt her. heck, i wanted more then anything , to be there for her. i love her and miss our friendship. I'm not sure i'll ever be the same person i was before but i still need my friends and i need to know that she cares and that it's only because she is busy being someone's wife now.

.
I just don't want bad feelings and i want her to understand me and support me.

I just feel like i'm being left behind, all my past friends are either to afraid to say something to me or they don't care or maybe they just don't understand.

I'm scared that the friendship i've work so hard to build with this person, is gone now because of me and my stupid depression.

I just want my life back.

Have you tried to talk to her one-on-one? I don't watch Bridezillas, but understand that to some women the wedding day is more important than what comes after so perhaps she is just self-absorbed. If you were my friend, I would have called or came to see you, but then I understand about depression and what it can do to you. Maybe call or text to tell her how you feel then see what happens?

Write a note in an attractive greeting card or on stationary explaining what happened & telling your friend how you feel. Emphasize that you do want to continue your friendship. Also mention that you aren't sure how to proceed at this point, in terms of your friendship since your friend is now married. There have been big changes for both of you. It will take time for both of you to figure out if & how your friendship will function under these 2 new sets of circumstances. (Don't send an e-mail or a text. These are too casual.)

I do also want to say, Bazz, I keep reading that you: "want your life back." The operative word here is: "back". STOP LOOKING BACK! No one ever gets to go back. All any of us can ever do is move forward from where we are. Either your friends will come around or they won't. All you can do is to make a good-faith effort to reconnect with them. If they don't respond, then maybe they're not the friends you thought they were. Perhaps you will need to make new friends. And it may turn out that your new friends will be better friends than your old ones were.

My suggestions would be: get into a support group if there is one available where you live. Find some volunteer work to do. I know you're seeing a new therapist today. Perhaps a part of your treatment plan can be to work on all of this. From my perspective, therapy should involve more than just sitting around talking about your feelings. It should also involve helping you to move from where you are now to where you want to go. I don't know what your educational background is, but if you have any thoughts regarding pursuing additional education, you could also possibly work on this as time goes by... or you could perhaps give some thought to what type of job you might like to have, once you're ready to return to work. (Having done some volunteer work, in the meantime, will be of benefit when you do begin looking for jobs again in the future as well.)

[SeekerOfLife]

Bazzinga, sorry you are hurting so much.

Have you tried writing a letter explaining it all? A letter is a little more personal.

Some people are afraid of what they do not understand. There will be times in your life when you have to be your own best friend. I have much difficulty making friends at all, let alone keeping them.

Sorry your depression is causing you so much hurt. You can find much help and support here at PC. But, it is so nice to have a face-to-face friend.

I have been depressed longer than I can remember. One day I decided that I do not deserve to have this illness. My depression is like a monster hanging on me constantly. I tell myself that this monster will not win. I am going to win.

Hugs to you my friend. I would give you one in person if we lived in the same town. Go easy on yourself. You are hurting. Remind yourself that it takes time to heal.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Ashley, the truest test of a friend and how good a friend they really are are times like these. So you have messed up nothing!! Remember nothing!!
But you know, maybe give her the benefit of the doubt for now. She may really care about you, but not know what to say to you, or be afraid of saying the wrong thing to you, maybe she's a little lost on what she can do to help. So perhaps let her know how you're feeling and a little more about what you've been going through. And help her to understand a bit better, give her the chance to be there for you, as she may actually really want that. Maybe an e-mail, maybe a letter, maybe a card, maybe a telephone all, whatever you feel most comfortable with.
Of course she's married now as well, so kind of obligatory to let her know you're happy for her!! So you can throw that in as well and talk a little about how it's going. Then maybe agree when you'll catch up with each other again, so you're not waiting/wondering. And you know she might be a bit wrapped up with her husband so.......it may give her a reminder.
As for worrying about not being the same person you were before, chances are you aren't going to be that but I'd say that you're probably becoming a much better person!!
I mean you're now really insightful, you are an inspiration to others, you're really open, honest, caring, empathetic and some of that has to have come from the places you've been!!
And maybe you can improve the connection with your friends a bit more with more communication, you've done that before when you were feeling even worse remember!! But the one's who are really going to matter will stand out. If it doesn't go that way though the most important thing is you can have new friends in your own time.
And this bit "i've worked so hard to build with this person", that's alright you don't have to work so hard in finding new friends/building new friendships. People should like you for who you are anyway. And Ashley, there is a lot to like about you regardless, alright?!!
Alison

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by pj4101

Have you tried to talk to her one-on-one? I don't watch Bridezillas, but understand that to some women the wedding day is more important than what comes after so perhaps she is just self-absorbed. If you were my friend, I would have called or came to see you, but then I understand about depression and what it can do to you. Maybe call or text to tell her how you feel then see what happens?

ok i did send her an email but she hasn't said anything yet but i will try texting her later on if i have too. it might just be she doesn't know what to say to me that would be of any help.

[bazzinga1990]

it turned out good. i emailed her and she emailed me back and it ended up being a really nice email and so now im left feeling better about it now.

thank you guys for your tips and concern, it meas a lot to me.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, that's excellent news Ashley. Really pleased for you!!!
Alison