Is it my fault?

It seems like everytime I bring up my feelings, it only stresses people out and upsets them. My boyfriend has told me that trying to support me and make me happy has made him feel sick and he cries almost everyday.

I hate that I do this just by being myself. I guess I keep hoping someone can accept me for who I am, but how can I expect others to when I don't? If I were dating me, I would have broken up with me a long time ago. I am so disgusted and fed up with myself.

I'm crying and my head hurts and I don't know what to do

These things you tell yourself:

Are you kicking yourself when you are down. That doesnt help.

I dont think your boyfriend nor you realise that what you both are dealing with is your illness and it is the illness that can make things very hard and ir hard on people we love.

Perhaps you could suggest that your boyfriend finds some support? Maybe a carer's support group or a therapist himself for some sessions on how to cope. The other thing is that he cant 'make' you happy. You are the only one who can really do that.

Sometimes we have been depressed for so long that we have think that is us all the time. That is just you being yourself. Maybe it is more you being your long term battling with depression self -- and that is different.

You two need to learn to relate to each other with and without the influence of your illness. Work on that rather than beating yourself up with the things you tell yourself.

Good luck and I hope you can find a way through. I know it isnt easy but sometimes in order for us and for things to get better, we need to unlearn how to be depressed.

hugs