[oneconfusedgirl14]

You don't have to read the whole thing, just the bold text at least. please.

I'm upset. Really upset. I have no reason to be upset, but I'm upset, and I have lots of reasons. I'm not exactly sure what's upsetting me and yet I know exactly why.

Whenever I try to talk to someone, they act as if I'm seeking attention. So I've been bottling it up. I want -- I NEED -- to talk about this, but I don't want anyone to know and I'm not sure how to talk about it, who to tell. I'm protective over my emotions, I don't know why it's so hard for me to share them with people.

I have so much to say, but...this is the internet. I can't just give out information, can I? And yet I have nothing to say.

But I'm really upset. Scared, almost. I have so much safety and security in my life and yet I have the power to mess it all up.

Someone out there....hello...hi....I just want you to know I'm here....please talk to me....

[yumi]

I think society becomes a failure when they close their eyes and refuse to see each other's pain, shut theirears to those who cry out and turn away when we plead for help.

You are not alone in your anguish. We are here for you. I 'get' what you are saying. I care about you and pray you will find the healing and hope that you deserve. Hugs

[Frankbtl]

Hi confusedgirl, maybe you're protective over your emotions because of the reactions you've had from others when you've tried to talk to them? especially if they make you feel like you're attention seeking.
Then do you think there's a chance that maybe something's getting lost in communication? Maybe they aren't really "getting it"?
Might be down to them, maybe they just want to believe that everything is fine even when it isn't or they just don't know how to react?
Might be down to how much you're telling them. And it's completely understandable if you're having difficulties getting things across to them if you're not used to talking about how you're feeling.
Then maybe you're afraid to make yourself vulnerable by "letting things out". That can be really scary at times, taking the chance in opening yourself up to someone else, but is there anyone you feel you could trust above others to do this with?
And maybe you have so much going on in your head that it might be hard to know where to begin or where to continue with it?? But that's OK, if you can just start bit by bit, even write it down, even write it down here. Just whatever comes into your head, don't worry about explaining it too much just let it out.
As for this being the internet, sure you can talk about your circumstances, how you're feeling, what's going on for you. Just make sure you don't give out personal information or information which could identify who you are. That does still leave plenty of scope, as if you look around here you might just find that your situation/circumstances aren't that different than a lot of people's and what you tell us might not stand out so much in letting out your personal identity.
And don't worry so much about having safety and security and still having the power to mess up. It's amazing how many things we can mess up regardless. Sometimes we have to monitor what we're doing and possible consequences, sometimes we just have to trust our initiative and then sometimes we just have to do our best to work through mistakes (and if possible try to put them right), learn form them, and try to move on to make the future better. Everyone is going to mess up at times in their lives though, you wouldn't be the only one, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
Now, sorry if that was long!! your turn now............!!
Do you want to try to tell us a little more about what's going on for you........we're more than happy to listen, not judge you and try to help if we can.
Alison

[oneconfusedgirl14]

Oh my gosh, you people are amazing! *Hugs* Thank you!!
Um...
Hmm. Where should I start? Um. I'll just start with today...um. Today what's been bothering me is the fact that I can never be myself. I guess. Er. Okay, so....my parents are really religious and...I'm an atheist. But it's so much more than just that....all of my beliefs..um...I shouldn't post about them but my parents don't know and I've been hiding every single thing I do from them and...every smile, every laugh, it's always fake around them....around everyone.

A lot of the time, we contain our thoughts and opinions for so long that it seems as if an explosion is imminent.....

Some things have to be let out gradually...test the waters so to speak.
Some things have to stay on the inside until our families see us as more than simply an extension of themselves. So age IS a factor.

It's frustrating, I know.

[kawaiigurl1981]

Hello Dear, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Coming out to family and friends as an atheist can be a really big deal. Its always a bigger issues with parents because they have an image in their minds of the sort of life they want you to live and they me not be the kind of life that you will choose for yourself.

You don't have to believe in anything that does not ring true. I am also an Atheist and I am here if you ever need to to talk.

[oneconfusedgirl14]

Thank you!! Um. Thanks!
I think I'm going to tell them tomorrow :/

[gayleggg]

Just remember if they don't take well or dismiss because of your age, you always have us to fall on. I'm not an atheist but certainly have an open mind regarding others peoples choices and don't preach to those who believe differently from me.
Good luck

[oneconfusedgirl14]

Thank you!!

[Hong Kong Fluey]

Hello! Great to see you!!!

If you ever want a chat, drop me a line, we are all amazing and you are just as amazing as me and the rest of the world!

Have a hug

[Frankbtl]

Hi oneconfusedgirl, really glad you've shared some of what's going on for you!!
As for religion I'd say that sophiesmom is spot on in "letting it out gradually". Your parents may initially see it as your rejecting/dismissing/disrespecting them, what they've given you, the way they've brought you up, what they've taught you if they are strictly religious. So maybe best to just raise some uncertainties/questions/concerns first, just phrase them in questions to begin with. That way you'll begin to see how they react and if at a later date you come out and tell them that you don't believe it might not be so much of a shock and they'll at least feel that you've tried to make sense (your own sense) of things.
I know that must seem so unfair, because you absolutely have the right not to believe and that shouldn't effect how much your parents (or anyone else!!) should care for you/love you. But if they are under the belief that worshiping...........is "good for your soul", "keeps you safe" etc then they may find it difficult if their daughter (who they love?) is choosing another way.
I'm reading that there is a lot more to it than religion though??? Do you think that maybe you could start by telling them some of what you're finding difficult, the way it makes you feel (really important), and how you might like things to be different. There's a chance that there may need to be some compromises between you but at least it's going to be a step in a better direction. And if they can just start to understand just a little that's got to help.
And for some "rules" they have they may even be able to explain the "why"'s a bit better so as they are more meaningful to you e.g. they've learned x from particular life experiences they've had. Then maybe they'll make more sense or maybe you can reason another side with them?
But either way it's going to be real hard for them to use the opportunity of being there for you, supporting you, valuing you as you, helping when you need it, if they don't know...............
It is OK and you can still have a really good relationship with them if you don't tell them everything in your life- whatever age, we don't necessarily tell our parents everything but maybe move it one step further so they can see and be there for you a bit more.
As for other people.....well what are true friends for other than to like us for us??..........and there are going to be people like that, maybe around you, maybe close by, maybe if you look a little further. But you've always got to take the chance in being open to find out that you really do have friends that matter/true friends. It is really important to be able to be who you are.
And we're here for you too, by the way!!!
Alison

[oneconfusedgirl14]

Thanks so much!! *Hugs*

[oneconfusedgirl14]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi oneconfusedgirl, really glad you've shared some of what's going on for you!!
As for religion I'd say that sophiesmom is spot on in "letting it out gradually". Your parents may initially see it as your rejecting/dismissing/disrespecting them, what they've given you, the way they've brought you up, what they've taught you if they are strictly religious. So maybe best to just raise some uncertainties/questions/concerns first, just phrase them in questions to begin with. That way you'll begin to see how they react and if at a later date you come out and tell them that you don't believe it might not be so much of a shock and they'll at least feel that you've tried to make sense (your own sense) of things.
I know that must seem so unfair, because you absolutely have the right not to believe and that shouldn't effect how much your parents (or anyone else!!) should care for you/love you. But if they are under the belief that worshiping...........is "good for your soul", "keeps you safe" etc then they may find it difficult if their daughter (who they love?) is choosing another way.
I'm reading that there is a lot more to it than religion though??? Do you think that maybe you could start by telling them some of what you're finding difficult, the way it makes you feel (really important), and how you might like things to be different. There's a chance that there may need to be some compromises between you but at least it's going to be a step in a better direction. And if they can just start to understand just a little that's got to help.
And for some "rules" they have they may even be able to explain the "why"'s a bit better so as they are more meaningful to you e.g. they've learned x from particular life experiences they've had. Then maybe they'll make more sense or maybe you can reason another side with them?
But either way it's going to be real hard for them to use the opportunity of being there for you, supporting you, valuing you as you, helping when you need it, if they don't know...............
It is OK and you can still have a really good relationship with them if you don't tell them everything in your life- whatever age, we don't necessarily tell our parents everything but maybe move it one step further so they can see and be there for you a bit more.
As for other people.....well what are true friends for other than to like us for us??..........and there are going to be people like that, maybe around you, maybe close by, maybe if you look a little further. But you've always got to take the chance in being open to find out that you really do have friends that matter/true friends. It is really important to be able to be who you are.
And we're here for you too, by the way!!!
Alison

Thank you so much!! Um. I'm not exactly sure how my parents would react so...I'm just going to tell them. Tomorrow, I think...thanks for the support!!

[oneconfusedgirl14]

Well I didn't tell them...*Sighs* It wouldn't have made a difference, I mean....before I say something to them I literally think "No, you can't say that in front of them" and then just fake something. And it's not even 'bad' things like swearing or something, it's just upsetting to not be able to say what I really mean in front of them. In front of everyone, really...sorry for the rant...