please

I'm in a lot of physical pain from a genetic disorder that won't get better, neurological disease that makes it too painful to move or feel anything.
I have stiff person syndrome I'm being treated, but it's doing little effort now, my friends are being overly critical saying I can do it, but it's easier for them to say because they don't have what I have and can never know. I'm so angry being told to toughen up or it could be worse, well they won't say anything to motivate in the right way they push me around and expect me to be this or that. I guess because I'm too pushy to them because I want to be loved or have attention, because I'm always isolated now. I'm trying to leave and go on my own, but I can't because my body is slowly going to kill me sooner than I wanted it to. I don't want to die this way, but if it comes down to it sooner or later. I want to die young before my symptoms completely take away everything.

I don't want to deal with this pain anymore, I don't want to feel like a burden someone who isn't good enough, because I can't help myself anymore. I don't want to be alive knowing, if this wasn't here I could do so much more. I'm doing all I can and seems a lot people don't notice my effort. I've gone through so much abuse and real torture of being trapped in situations where I was beaten and rape as a kid and I'm suffering from a disease where leaving this poor hell is much too overwhelming now.

I'm done trying to get something done and all I can do is have enough energy to make food and sit on a chair to type on a computer and when I go out. It's not fatigue that's keeping me down it's my muscles won't move period when it's going on. It comes and goes, but now it's much more severe, breathing has been a challenge. I'm only 20 and all I want to do is die, because my body isn't taking this so well. I just beg this pain to stop and I can't stop crying when it goes on and all I want to do is stop.

it sounds like you need a good therapist to help you deal with acceptance of where you are at in life and how to explain where you are at to others. you need more compassionate people in your life to help you deal with this grief process you are going through because it really sounds like you are grieving for a life you will never have. maybe find a support group of people who are going thru similar things would be helpful. take care.

Hi Yismymindblank. Thanks for sharing with us here at Psych Central.You are so young to be going through such hell. To be honest, I have never heard of stiff person syndrome.I would panic if that happened to me. In fact I did panic a couple of months ago. I tried to overdose on some meds, and I fell out of the bed. I could not move for at least a half hour. I started to panic. My legs could not move. My mom helped pick me up off the floor. I'm not trying to compare myself with you. I'm sorry you are in such pain. You will be at the top of my prayer list.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

Maybe it's impossible but I wish you some healing. You're in a battle with this disorder, and I hope you can continue to keep fighting. Try your best as well as you're able.

I, like other posters, had not heard of SPS before reading your thread. I have little to offer except my admiration of you, for being a helluva lot stronger than I know I could be, especially at your young years, facing what you are facing. I also have sympathy to offer...empathy is more difficult because how does one begin to put themselves in your place??

I respect you....your insistence that you DESERVE attention and love and caring, because you DO.....and I wish for you, to feel less pain in your heart because I know the pain your body gives you is nearly all you can bear....and what I can tender in that respect, if you'll allow, is my deep caring for you. Please know, now that I've read your thread, there will be no day that I don't think of you, and hope you're a little better or at least able to meet the moment knowing...there are people who do care...even if they are miles away.