[infoonptsd]

Ok, I have what seems like a strange one to me. Would love to hear if anyone has any ideas but it will take a bit of background information to explain it.

I have only been in therapy for a couple of months and my T thinks I have PTSD. Since we 'opened' the door on stuff, I have been really down, about to cry most of the time and frequently anxious. We have talked about this and he reassured me it is very typical. He says I work hard to keep myself 'in control' by keeping all emotions stuffed. The only emotion I really notice is a dull sadness that sometimes gets real sharp (although I do laugh at tv and jokes freely, I don't know that I 'feel' happy. I am confused by that).
My husband does not bring me any sense of safety or security as he has issues of his own and is unable to focus on anyone but himself. I understand this but have had to distance myself from him emotionally because of it.
Ok, now to what I found confusing. He had been staying at his families house the last month and I came to pick him up tonight. I have a great deal of anxiety being at his parents house (we are in our 40's, not kids) and I was anxious when I arrived. He had made arrangments for us to go see a friends family when I arrived (at 9:30 at nite) so I was even more anxious then. I still went and the person we saw was being pretty nasty to his wife and that is usually one of my triggers. I noticed while I was setting there that I was not anxious, I was NOTHING. When we left and drove back to his parents home, I remained nothing. We ended up staying in separate bedrooms (we wont even go into that anxiety issue, but that is why I am awake at almost 1 in the morning), but when I went into the room and set on the bed, the anxiety and sadness started to return???????

Anybody have a clue as to why everything would disappear in his presence? It sure wasn't like I felt safe in his presence, everything just left. I am baffled?

[glok]

Hello, infoonptsd. Please talk to your therapist about your concerns. We are not qualified to respond.

I wish you well.

[avlady]

the sadness probably returned because you don't have a solution yet to this problem. Your anxiety also returned because of this. You weren't ready to see your inlaws and they treated you bad too. The sadness probably took awhile to kick in when you tried to relax at 1 in the morning. Are you on meds? Something to take the edge off in times of need?

[infoonptsd]

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, infoonptsd. Please talk to your therapist about your concerns. We are not qualified to respond.

well, that does it for me. I can't do that. I only wanted to know how other people here have felt and if anyone has experienced anything similar, not a medical diagnosis. I would have thought in a place that was devoted to unique problems and then emotions specifically that I wouldn't have been gotten for asking a bad question.
I completely understand I have a problem and part of that is taking things like that entirely to hard, but things are hard enough right now, I can't do this also.
I was careful in my first posts I made to be very selective in what I said to make sure I didn't mess up, but this one backfired. I came here is hopes of sharing in other peoples situations to help as I start this battle, not to add to the difficulty level.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by infoonptsd

Ok, I have what seems like a strange one to me. Would love to hear if anyone has any ideas but it will take a bit of background information to explain it.

I have only been in therapy for a couple of months and my T thinks I have PTSD. Since we 'opened' the door on stuff, I have been really down, about to cry most of the time and frequently anxious. We have talked about this and he reassured me it is very typical. He says I work hard to keep myself 'in control' by keeping all emotions stuffed. The only emotion I really notice is a dull sadness that sometimes gets real sharp (although I do laugh at tv and jokes freely, I don't know that I 'feel' happy. I am confused by that).
My husband does not bring me any sense of safety or security as he has issues of his own and is unable to focus on anyone but himself. I understand this but have had to distance myself from him emotionally because of it.
Ok, now to what I found confusing. He had been staying at his families house the last month and I came to pick him up tonight. I have a great deal of anxiety being at his parents house (we are in our 40's, not kids) and I was anxious when I arrived. He had made arrangments for us to go see a friends family when I arrived (at 9:30 at nite) so I was even more anxious then. I still went and the person we saw was being pretty nasty to his wife and that is usually one of my triggers. I noticed while I was setting there that I was not anxious, I was NOTHING. When we left and drove back to his parents home, I remained nothing. We ended up staying in separate bedrooms (we wont even go into that anxiety issue, but that is why I am awake at almost 1 in the morning), but when I went into the room and set on the bed, the anxiety and sadness started to return???????

Anybody have a clue as to why everything would disappear in his presence? It sure wasn't like I felt safe in his presence, everything just left. I am baffled?

maybe subconsciously you linked what was going on at his friend's house with you and your H. it seems like emotionally the two of you are unavailable for each other..i am sorry to hear this.

especially in a time like this you two need to be able to lean on each other yet you cannot, i think this has a lot to do with your anxiety, you want something to change, can't quite put a finger on it and don't know how.

IMHO i don't think it is a good idea to "suppress" you emotions, emotions are natural reactions to stimuli..instead feel, control and understand them.the more you suppress you emotions the more they will build i do not believe that is healthy for you or your husband.

i'm a little confused as to why you are distancing yourself from your husband emotionally, i can't believe that that is healthy for your marriage, now obviously i'm no expert..just trying to dig and help unearth some answers for you and somehow be helpful.

perhaps you and your H could look into counseling to close the emotional rift that has opened between the two of you..i do believe this would be immensely helpful.

something is going on that gives me the impression that you guys have drifted apart( emotionally and physically) sleeping in separate bedrooms is never good for a relationship IMHO..you need that closeness and intimacy.

i hope i have been at least a little helpful

[Verity81]

Another possibility is a form of cutting off the emotion, or a form of disassociation. Did you feel like you were in a dream or that things were unreal somehow? Or were you spaced out? Disassociation is the minds way of defending you against painful situations and emotions. Also cutting off emotion is a defence mechanism against the pain of the emotion. Yes your therapist is best to speak to but it doesn't hurt I don't think to ask others opinions or if they have had similar experiences.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[infoonptsd]

Oh, and I absolutely did plan to fall to my T when I see him next week... I just surely wasnt going contact him on a weekend for peat sakes.

[infoonptsd]

Thank you trying2survive and verity81.... I appreciate your insight... I couldn't get this post out of my mind and had to come back and set the record straight that I wasn't trying to bypass by T by any means. Thanks for letting me know what you think and have experienced.

[hvert]

Hmm, this sounds sort of normal to me -- I am not sure if I will phrase what I mean the way I want, but here goes.

I very often find that I dread an event beforehand more than I am bothered by the event itself. If I have plans to see someone I don't want to see, I will spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about it... and then when I see the person, those worries go away while I am busy actually seeing them/dealing with them... and then when I get back home, I might be happy I saw them or back in aggravation mode.

There might be a slight irritation while I am doing the thing that I was dreading, but the irritation is not half as strong as the dread. That may not be the same as your 'nothing' that you felt, but this seems sort of similar to me.

I just figure that when I am by myself, I have time to dwell/ruminate. When I am with other people, I have to concentrate on something else and can't dwell.

[Sammy127]

This is quite strange and I feel like it is perhaps not common. So, given that I came here for very similar reasons to you, I am somewhat surprised to see my thoughts already in writing. I, too, am finding a lack of emotional feeling. However, it is to the opposite emotions. I feel fine, really.

I just lost someone to suicide. I cry my heart out every so often - it was less than a month ago. Yet in my head there is a separation. It is as if there are two copies of me; one feels the pain and controls physical responses (crying, inability to stand temporarily, shaking, difficulty swallowing that lump in my throat), whilst the other has my thoughts.

I sit there, crying, yet thinking straight. Little triggers pull me down and I become a mess, then I hear my thoughts, 'Ah, here we go again. Better pause the video until I can see the screen again,' and the thoughts are so clear. Like any other thought I've ever had.

This separation is what brought me to this site. I realised that something wasn't quite right. Reading over the previous responses, I can't help but be drawn to the one about disassociation.

Maybe my mind is trying to protect itself by creating this alternate, emotionless void to slip into while my physical response takes the hit. Maybe yours is too, although using a slightly different technique. If you'd like to talk about it, let me know. I'm more than happy to have a chat.