I don't understand what has happened recently

After about two years of doing absolutely nothing, I finally found a job. It was a nightmare, but I decided to keep on just to prove myself that I can resist. I wanted to quit just after two weeks of working there, but I set my mind to get to the end of the six-month contract. I asked my mother and my uncle for help everytime I didn't know how to deal with my ex boss, but then my uncle nearly had a heart attack and my world turned upside down. I had to deal with so much stress on my own. And I handled it much better than I expected.

They said at work I would continue to work for them, but it turns out they didn't hire me back. And now I am tired, frustrated, angry, depressed... I overreact at the littlest thing. I'm always complaining about everything, but the worst part is that it feels to me like I'm waking up from a really bad dream and it just goes on. I don't seem to understand what happened, what is happening, why it happens and when this is going to end.

I'm confused and I have this childish need of approval, that I'm getting sick of myself. I feel so insecure, I can't make the simplest decision.

Some people told me that I just had to rest and all things would fall right into their places, but I hate staying at home doing nothing, being called by my mother who doesn't understand that I'm just stuck at home washing the dishes or doing laundy, but definitely not just watching TV or sleeping or texting.

And when I try to set my mind at ease, when I think about all changes that I've been through in only six months, when I try to understand all my feelings and my anger, because I want to put an end to this... I just feel confused, like I can't process what happened, like it was not me who lived all this.

Any ideas on how I can finally find some understanding and peace?

Time to move on and stop looking back all the time. New jobs new people await you. You made the simple decision to keep looking back and feel bad. Now it is time to look ahead, and feel good about the risk you are taking.

Well, that I know. I believe we all know that the simplest solution to being angry or sad is being happy, moving forward and smile. But there are times when I can't just be happy, feel good or move on. It's not like I want to think these things, they just come at the least expected time. I dream about all that has happened, I can't enjoy a lot of things I do to please myself and the harder I try to smile and be nice to other people, the worse I react when people do the tiniest thing I dislike.

I recognize the symptoms of depression and I'm under medication, but I can't stop thinking and feeling so confused. I also know that everything happens for a reason and that it takes time for such kind of experiences to make sense. But still, I can't, I just can't clear my mind and find some peace. It's like when the dementors are near Harry Potter and he feels like he will never be happy again. And I also know that my mind is playing tricks on me, and that's what I need help with, to clear my mind, to stop thinking about all this.

No Mask here. You have common depression. Seeing the Therapist is best. Mind chatter is common. Still it is best to risk moving on, no masking feelings, Just face and go with the fear, of leaving the depression behind.

I don't mean to be rude, but why are you so sure I'm afraid to leave this depression behind? Why do you insist on making such statements, as if you knew me or as if you knew exactly how I feel? If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have seen my therapist or I wouldn't be taking any kind of treatment.

Do you really think depression is something I chose? Sometimes we go through some things that bring us to a state of sadness, depression, anger, whatever, but we did not decide to get there. Sometimes it's just a matter of being so freaking tired, that we feel also sad and completely burned out. Sometimes all we need is time and someone to talk to, someone to confide in or even different opinions about what we don't seem to understand.

Is is so hard to try and be a little empathic about this? Is this your way to try and help? Because for me it is anything but helpful.

FYI, my therapist taught me that the more we understand what we went through, the better we will move on by learning, not just acting as if nothing had happened.

I thought this site was a place where we could find people who would lend a helping hand, not a place where I would feel judged on a false basis.

I'm sorry, but what you told me was a little harsh and for that, I already have myself, because my therapist taught me that I have to be a little hard on myself in order to be more objective. And this has worked for me the last 8 years. During that time I have only visited my therapist three times.

A little piece of advice: don't go judging people as if you knew them and what they have been through. Nobody likes that and it doesn't say anything good about you.

Not judging. Depression can be like an old friend, that is hard to say goodbye to. Depression is not a choice, it is an feeling. It is hard to let go of familiar feelings. That is what I mean by "Choose". You can stay with this Way, if you like. I will not judge you, for it is only up to you, to how you want to heal, if at all.

I have similar feelings at times...right now I am working on identifying cognitive distortions that cause me to need approval and always doubt myself, and insecurities/decision making. I am also working on where my firmly held belief system/self-opinion are rooted to identify the source. Hope this helps....after years and years of therapy...some of this stuff is finally making sense to me and starting to click, but I still resort to the negative thinking regularly. My T said that once I recognized it cognitively, there would still be more work to do. So technically, I guess I am finally at the first step.

i am sorry you felt offended by someones remarks or insight. i hope you feel better, i understand how you feel because at one point in my life i was without a job for over 2 years, got help through an agency that got me back on my feet and am so thankful when i was put in the hospital after an accident. at one point i was so angry at my mother and dad for getting me help as that was how bad i felt, i thought everyone was trying to tell me i was crazy. well 30 years later-i am 53 now- i look back and feel so apologetic for the way i treated the people who tried to help me. i sometimes have a hard time forgiving some of the things that were other peoples fault, for some of the reasons why i am the way i am too. Depression is a friend of mine that i don't want to be friends with but always seems to creep in. I am on meds for it for years now too, hopefully you won't have to go through it too much longer.

meditation friend. that the trick to overwhelming amount of emotions