Abortion?

I found out I'm pregnant and now I wonder if I should just have an abortion. I stopped all of my meds as soon as I found out, yet I still feel so judged by everyone. My new obgyn even mentioned calling CPS on me (when I was just being honest about having a history of smoking pot), I guess even doctors have a stigma for depressed people. I feel like such a loser, even though I am a professional person and I've never been arrested, or set out to hurt anyone in my whole life, it seems like the few people I interact with treat me like I should be locked up. I'm so tired of this life. My best efforts have never been enough, why would my best be enough for a child.

Whatever you decide to do, sending support your way. Only you know what is best in your situation.

first, i think you should find a new ob/gyn.

you were honest and you ought to be.

none of us are perfect parents. i have often wondered if i am an effective mother because of my mental illness. and yet, i also have come to realize that even the most seemingly well adjusted person has something. i had to go off my meds (and i did it on purpose) to have my second baby. my midwife was soooo worried about my mental health. i have a friend who got pregnant unexpectedly and had to come off her meds. she's due soon. in both cases there *are* doctors out there that can be helpful and i would encourage you to find one.

and... well, i'll say this, as hard as some of it's been, there has been something soothing about holding my baby in the dark and just rocking. like it's just me and the kid and no one else. just my personal experience.

My new obgyn would become my old obgyn, fast. I would find someone I liked and respected to help me with thinking about this important decision.

Oh geez, Petra5ed - I'm so sorry that your doctor was an idiot. Talking about calling CPS because you used to smoke pot - puhl-eeze. I'm sorry, but that person is a judgemental idiot, and yes, please find a new doctor. You absolutely did the right thing by being honest - how else can your doctor help you and know what things might be issues?

And... if you're taking psych medicines, please please please be sure to talk with your pdoc rather than going off them. I'm sure you're aware, some things can have side effects if you just stop cold turkey. Let your pdoc help manage this!

AND - just wanted to offer a word of support. No matter what you decide, it's ok. It's your decision. I can't even imagine being in that position, so I wish you lots of support and care, whether that's from your docs and T, or friends, family, or online friends. Good luck and please take good care of yourself...

(((hugs)))

heck no. do not let yourself be pressured by what other people think in this situation. you stopped as soon as you found out you were pregnant, and this is a LIFE we are talking about. not something trivial. its important and its your choice. babies dont come with directions, everyone makes mistakes once theyre here, but you can get help to learn if you end up needing help. needing help doesnt mean you have to get an abortion. **** those people. get a replacement obgyn and have faith in yourself. you CAN do this. (edit, yes going off your meds can be risky for you, but its vital for the child that you not be on them...theyre teratogens at every stage of development, but certainly during first trimester...)

Women can get healthy children even if she took meds before
I alwaus thought that if I get pregnent it will give me a sense to live and I would love to have baby but its your choice. I think pregnensy is beautiful and gift from the God.

And I dont jugde you listen to your heart

It is your body; your life. Make the decision based upon yourself and your possible future child.

I am in the process of trying to get pregnant. I had a primary doc who was against it...I finally fired her. Now all my doctors are on board: T, Pdoc, primary doc, and ob/gyn. When I get pregnant, I will be considered a high risk pregnancy because of my mental health. I will have to go off many of my meds. But I know I have a team of doctors (and family) who understand the risks and are prepared. I know the risks and am prepared as I can be. It is my right to have a child. So long as I put my health and a baby's health as number 1 priority, I can do it. I can be a good mom even with mental health issues.

Look at some of the reasons others have had children: keeping a SO, attention, money, so someone will love them... Those people still had their children. No one has taken them away.

If YOU want this child and are aware of what it takes to have a child, go for it! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. If you don't know, seek out some support and resources to learn. If you decide to have an abortion, that is your right. Only you know what you're capable of.

It's a really hard thing. There's so much potential in a baby and a child. But there's also so much fear and stress. I totally understand that.

Could you consider adoption rather than abortion?

Is pot legal in your state/location? If not, I would refrain from telling anyone you are using...

LOL, apparently! I'm not using pot actually, I'm pregnant!! But like almost everyone alive I have. Is it illegal where I am? Yes. I also think that it's ridiculous it would be, and figured it was safe to be honest with a doctor. Never again though.

where I live people smoke pot all the time. I've tried many substances in my day and can say hands down that pot is the most tame and least lethal of any including alcohol which I avoid because it's such a strong intoxicant . I mean it is seriously disturbing to me we treat pot like its heroine or crack. When I was a kid I felt like pot was a gateway drug but only because once you try it you realize everyone's lying about how "bad" it is and assume the same might be true about harder drugs.

Well most people on here know my stance on abortion so I just won't say anything else.

I hope you get the support you need no matter what you decide. I'd fire the ob ASAP as well. How dare they threaten with CPS. With so many monsters out there who have children, that is just idiotic.

But regarding whether to have the baby or not, you will have to follow your instincts on that. It is a long term decision and you will know in your heart what to do. But please don't let the judgement of some doctor or anyone else influence you. Talk to your T, Pdoc, GP and whoever else can offer supportive advice. This is a big decision and you'll do what's best for you and the baby in the end.

Big hugs. This is a big decision and lots of stress. A couple of thoughts:

Your obgyn sounds like a terrible physician. See if you can find someone better.

Not all psych meds are contraindicated in pregnancy and very few of them are true teratogens. Maternal depression is at least as dangerous to babies as antidepressants are. It is possible to take care of your pregnancy and your mental health simultaneously.

See if you can get options counselling from someone whose only agenda is to help you find clarity and understand what your various options would mean for your future.

I really like this workbook for starters PregnancyOptions.info: A Workbook of Options including Abortion, Adoption and Birth.

The question is not whether you would be a perfect parent but whether you have it in you to become an adequate one. Are you able to commit fully and wholeheartedly to the project of parenting a child and if so, can you reasonably expect to be able to provide the love, stability and safety a child needs? Finally, do you want to?

When you make this decision, please disconnect what other people think of you being a parent. They don't matter. Other people should not decide if you have a baby or not! Either way you decide, you live with the decision, so it has to come from YOU, not some knowitall.