I help my friends out anyway I can, but now I'm starting to feel like I was the fool all along. I lent money to two friends of mine, I've asked them to the return my money, numerous times, until I finally got sick of begging for my own money. I need it pretty badly, but I decided to just bite the bullet and ask my parents for the money, since I have no hope on my friends ever returning it, they don't really care about me, and now I feel like this has damaged my reputation in my parents' eyes, they're not happy.

I asked another old friend of mine to help me out, I LITERALLY HELPED THIS GUY GET THROUGH his degree, I helped him through his project, heck, I know a lot more about his project than he does, I saved his *** numerous times over the course of the last three years, I borrowed money from someone just to help him out, and I never borrow money, His parents literally begged me to help him down the straight and narrow, and wanted me to keep an eye on everything he does because he had a gambling problem. I don't like to take too much credit, but he acknowledges that I changed his life, and will forever be thankful for me.

I asked him to lend some money to me to help me out, it fell on his deaf ears, he doesn't really care. I outlived my usefulness to him, I'm the fool, you just take what you get out of people and move on in life.

I don't expect my friends to reciprocate what I've done for them, but I'm not doing well, and it's all party their fault, I expected them to honor their word and return my money back to me on the first of August, now this is the 1st of septemeber,

It's what you get for being a nice guy, I'm not intimidating, I can't force them, I don't know them know I'm pissed off and miserable, but I made it quite clear to them that I'm NOT doing well, and now I'm starting to doubt my friends, and I feel like my family suspects that I'm up to no good and possibly drinking it all away or... worse.... . **** this ****.

[silver tree]

I am sorry that you feel this way about your friends. Sometimes people get caught up in their own lives and don't notice that they are not caring for the people around them. Have you tried sending them an email explaining how you are feeling? At least you will know for sure if they are good friends or if maybe you should look for people as caring as you are? Also don't let this stop you from being the good person you sound like you are there are other good people in the world and eventually your good nature will attract them to you.

The money is a tricky one. My Dad always taught me that if you lend someone money then it should be with the understanding that you are happy to lose it and not something you rely on getting back. That way you think that at the time that person requests that and you can decide based on that thought. People are irresponsible with money so maybe stick to the old 'never a lender or a borrower be' and you can use the excuse that it has wrecked friendships in the past?

I hope that things work out with your friends and this is just a blip x

Originally Posted by silver tree

I am sorry that you feel this way about your friends. Sometimes people get caught up in their own lives and don't notice that they are not caring for the people around them. Have you tried sending them an email explaining how you are feeling? At least you will know for sure if they are good friends or if maybe you should look for people as caring as you are? Also don't let this stop you from being the good person you sound like you are there are other good people in the world and eventually your good nature will attract them to you.

The money is a tricky one. My Dad always taught me that if you lend someone money then it should be with the understanding that you are happy to lose it and not something you rely on getting back. That way you think that at the time that person requests that and you can decide based on that thought. People are irresponsible with money so maybe stick to the old 'never a lender or a borrower be' and you can use the excuse that it has wrecked friendships in the past?

I hope that things work out with your friends and this is just a blip x

I did better than just e-mails, I told them in person, more than once.

I hope I am a good person, I don't know, I never get any acknowledgement, so I can't be sure.

When they borrowed money from me, I told them I was in no position to help them out, but they said nobody else except myself helps them out in situations like they were in, and that they come to me when they REALLY need help, because they know I'll help them out anyway I can. It was a pretty flattering thing to say, but it did make me happy.

If I didn't lend these guys money, they could've been forced to QUIT college. They were in pretty dire need. They promised to return it back, but they didn't.

What really upsets me is that the same friend brought a pretty expensive, frivolous 'thing', when he could've repaid his debt to me with the same money. That pisses me the hell off.

I do hope I'm a good person, because it means a lot to me. I try to be the best I can, I'm not perfect.

[silver tree]

I think that you sound like a good person to me. Maybe be happy that you helped those people when they needed it most and don't let the upset of them not paying that back take away from that ? I am sure at some time in the future you will be remembered for that and they will be grateful. Lots of people have done things for me and to this day I am grateful to them but maybe didn't show that as well as I should at the time so maybe it will be the same.

Maybe it is time to look for some new friends? sorry to say x

Well, brokenentity (the Skeezyks says with a sour expression on his wrinkled old face) there's one very crass joke I can't tell here that applies in these situations. There's also the old saying (I think Ben Franklin may have said it): "neither a borrower nor a lender be." There's probably a number of other pithy sayings one could apply here. I can't happen to think of them right at the moment... (senior dementia...)

I know you want to be a good person. And I believe you are. But, my personal opinion is: never lend money to anyone! If you want, & can afford to, give to reputable charities. There are more needs in this world than any one of us can ever even begin to address. So, whatever your interest, give to charities that address those particular needs. You might even give money to a friend, who has a particular need. But give it under the assumption it is a gift, not a loan.

From my perspective, I think what you have to ask yourself is what is causing you to do what you're doing? Are you trying to "buy" friendship & respect? Are you so down on yourself you feel you must do these kinds of things in order to fill a void that exists inside of you? Certainly friendship, respect & love are necessary. But so are boundaries. And each of us has to set our own. It's sounding to me as though you may not have any, or at least not ones that are sufficient. And the problem with this is, if you continue down this path, these sorts of things will continue to occur. You don't want that, I don't believe.

Originally Posted by silver tree

I think that you sound like a good person to me. Maybe be happy that you helped those people when they needed it most and don't let the upset of them not paying that back take away from that ? I am sure at some time in the future you will be remembered for that and they will be grateful. Lots of people have done things for me and to this day I am grateful to them but maybe didn't show that as well as I should at the time so maybe it will be the same.

Maybe it is time to look for some new friends? sorry to say x

It's kind of a selfish thing, but I want to remembered, Others may help people and not want any recognition for it, but not me. If it's a shortcoming or flaw I have, I'm ready to admit it.

Another friend of mine helped me out on a really bad day, I've let him know that he saved my butt that day and I'd be forever thankful for it. I could see that acknowledging it made him happy. If I never told him how thankful I am, I'd never see that look on his face, I might never get a chance to help him out : Not just to 'return the favor', but because I'm his friend, who knows, I might die tomorrow, and he would've never known how much I appreciated his help that day, if I hadn't told him.

A friend for me is a friend for life, I don't call myself a 'friend' unless I can live up to the honor of calling myself a friend of someone. Other people cast a wide net and make many, many friends, but not me, it feels like a responsibility, and being a friend of someone means a lot to me.

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Well, brokenentity (the Skeezyks says with a sour expression on his wrinkled old face) there's one very crass joke I can't tell here that applies in these situations. There's also the old saying (I think Ben Franklin may have said it): "neither a borrower nor a lender be." There's probably a number of other pithy sayings one could apply here. I can't happen to think of them right at the moment... (senior dementia...)

I know you want to be a good person. And I believe you are. But, my personal opinion is: never lend money to anyone! If you want, & can afford to, give to reputable charities. There are more needs in this world than any one of us can ever even begin to address. So, whatever your interest, give to charities that address those particular needs. You might even give money to a friend, who has a particular need. But give it under the assumption it is a gift, not a loan.

From my perspective, I think what you have to ask yourself is what is causing you to do what you're doing? Are you trying to "buy" friendship & respect? Are you so down on yourself you feel you must do these kinds of things in order to fill a void that exists inside of you? Certainly friendship, respect & love are necessary. But so are boundaries. And each of us has to set our own. It's sounding to me as though you may not have any, or at least not ones that are sufficient. And the problem with this is, if you continue down this path, these sorts of things will continue to occur. You don't want that, I don't believe.

I think they're friends, I've earned their trust and friendship, not just because I lent them money that one day, but because lending money is the least I've done for them. Unfortunately though, I need money to pay my rent and eat.

I do my best to help out charities, but I don't think I'm doing enough, I wish I had more money, and I could make more substantial donations.

I blame myself, my friends have taken advantage of me, during exams, and in times when they needed a gullible fool like me to share the blame with when they did something wrong.

[silver tree]

It's kind of a selfish thing, but I want to remembered, Others may help people and not want any recognition for it, but not me. If it's a shortcoming or flaw I have, I'm ready to admit it

Hmmm now I am not sure that is quite right tbh. Is it that you want to make a difference and feel your life had purpose? recognition is obviously a bi-product of that. Because most people feel that way I think. To leave a positive mark on the world is what most people strive for really imo. You seem to take friendship as a responsibility for providing a level of support and care and take pride in that? I also think you are a grateful person and want to show people that they have made a positive difference to your life, which is also a good thing.

None of these things sound selfish to me and I don't think if someone told you that you didn't have to do those things to be thought of as great, you wouldn't bother? I don't think so. I think that you pridw yourself on being a good person and a good friend and you shouldn't put that down imo. x

[BLUEDOVE]

Old African folk tale: "When you see water flow
uphill,it means someone is repaying a kindness."
Nuff said.

Originally Posted by silver tree

Hmmm now I am not sure that is quite right tbh. Is it that you want to make a difference and feel your life had purpose? recognition is obviously a bi-product of that. Because most people feel that way I think. To leave a positive mark on the world is what most people strive for really imo. You seem to take friendship as a responsibility for providing a level of support and care and take pride in that? I also think you are a grateful person and want to show people that they have made a positive difference to your life, which is also a good thing.

None of these things sound selfish to me and I don't think if someone told you that you didn't have to do those things to be thought of as great, you wouldn't bother? I don't think so. I think that you pridw yourself on being a good person and a good friend and you shouldn't put that down imo. x

Thank you so much silver tree.

I don't think I take any 'pride', personally, because it really doesn't mean anything to me, but yet I want to be remembered. It's confusing I know.

I wouldn't stop being good, even if the world turned upside down and suddenly good was evil. I don't want recognition at all, I just want acknowledgement I guess, just to make me feel like I mean something so someone, and that I have a place in their hearts somewhere, that's all I need.

Thank you, silver tree, your replies to my thread mean a lot to me. It's very touching.

[hvert]

I'm sorry your 'friends' did that to you. Do they just flat out say that they will not pay you back? I would think about contacting their parents, personally. I'm glad that yours came through for you, even if it was embarrassing to ask them.

Sometimes we learn things the hard way. You are definitely not the only one who lent a friend money and then didn't get repaid

[silver tree]

Thank you so much silver tree.

You are very welcome and worth my time

I don't think I take any 'pride', personally, because it really doesn't mean anything to me, but yet I want to be remembered. It's confusing I know

Sounds very much like a self esteem thing to me? I think you are naturally a good person but for you it is maybe not how you feel about yourself, so you look for this to be told to you by others to give you greater feeling of self worth maybe? When/if they don't it makes you feel like you are worth less for the good things you do?

This is of course faulty thinking (if it's the case) because unless you can feel proud about yourself and see your own self worth, you are always going to be dependant on others for that, and probably never feel forefilled sweetheart Maybe thinking about the good that you do and feeling good about yourself for that would help a bit? You seem and have expressed hurt at what happened with your friends and yet have stayed loyal and expressed no real malice? That is a good person imo and you should take time to recognise that and congratulate yourself for that

Feel proud for all the good that you do brokenentity and work hard to change the bad and you are being a pretty amazing person imo From what I have read, that's where you are as a person, so well done you. I would feel lucky to be your friend and I am sure you will be remembered, but try and remember your own good deeds too x

thank you friends, i will get back to you soon

People of loving and loyal character, like yourself, naturally do what they can and then some for others. Unfortunately your so-called friends have shown they are not so loyal and loving.

Originally Posted by silver tree

You are very welcome and worth my time


Sounds very much like a self esteem thing to me? I think you are naturally a good person but for you it is maybe not how you feel about yourself, so you look for this to be told to you by others to give you greater feeling of self worth maybe? When/if they don't it makes you feel like you are worth less for the good things you do?

This is of course faulty thinking (if it's the case) because unless you can feel proud about yourself and see your own self worth, you are always going to be dependant on others for that, and probably never feel forefilled sweetheart Maybe thinking about the good that you do and feeling good about yourself for that would help a bit? You seem and have expressed hurt at what happened with your friends and yet have stayed loyal and expressed no real malice? That is a good person imo and you should take time to recognise that and congratulate yourself for that

Feel proud for all the good that you do brokenentity and work hard to change the bad and you are being a pretty amazing person imo From what I have read, that's where you are as a person, so well done you. I would feel lucky to be your friend and I am sure you will be remembered, but try and remember your own good deeds too x

Thank you so very much I still think I could do a lot more, I don't feel like I'm going out of my way to help people. I crossed paths with my friend, and he seems to be feeling quite bad about not returning my money, he said "Don't worry, I'll give it back to you soon, cheer up!".

Again, thank you very much for all your posts in my thread It feels good.

Originally Posted by allforgood

People of loving and loyal character, like yourself, naturally do what they can and then some for others. Unfortunately your so-called friends have shown they are not so loyal and loving.

I've had people tell me that I come first and that I should put myself before anyone else, and you can only help people to a certain extent. TO succeed to be a little selfish.

Originally Posted by hvert

I'm sorry your 'friends' did that to you. Do they just flat out say that they will not pay you back? I would think about contacting their parents, personally. I'm glad that yours came through for you, even if it was embarrassing to ask them.

Sometimes we learn things the hard way. You are definitely not the only one who lent a friend money and then didn't get repaid

They didn't flat out tell me that I shouldn't be expecting my money back, but they want more time, I'd be happy to give them time, but I gotta pay share of the rent and.... eat...

[silver tree]

Originally Posted by brokenentity

Thank you so very much I still think I could do a lot more, I don't feel like I'm going out of my way to help people. I crossed paths with my friend, and he seems to be feeling quite bad about not returning my money, he said "Don't worry, I'll give it back to you soon, cheer up!".

Again, thank you very much for all your posts in my thread It feels good.

So they are good after all. I am happy for you honey x

[Fuzzybear]