anxiety and instincts

Hi,

I feel incredibly anxious today. I know I have a tough decision to make, and I am unsure if it will be beneficial for me. I have waited for this to have a chance to continue, for so long. Yet, the thought of it makes me feel nauseated. On the one hand, it could work out differently and for the best. However, based on past experience, I can only believe it will not. I usually can trust my instincts quite well. Today though, not so much.

I have a connection that seems at this point to be unwavering - at what extent though, I am still unsure. I can only wait it out to see what will come of it, but I feel myself wondering how the other person feels, forgetting again about my own conflicted emotions.

If it works out, I could be happier and more blessed than I have ever been. However, if it fails again, I feel I would be shattered beyond repair. It is not just myself that is involved, either. That is a critical factor. I had just begun to fully feel myself returning, and now in place of me, is this snake-like feeling of total confusion and anxiety.

I am not sure what the answer is, but any suggestions cannot hurt.

Many thanks,
Niceguy

I hope that what ever it is goes well. I hope that what ever takes place that you will be able to keep calm and think it through.

Hi niceguy, it can be so difficult to make a decision when there are lots of different thoughts, feelings, emotions going on. And while you can sometimes trust your feelings at the time (for better or worse- going with the best decision you can make at that time), is there anyway of postponing the decision or just half committing to it/leaving a door open until you've had more time to stand back and think about it or get a bit more feedback/information on how things might go depending on what you decide??
But if not, or I'm out of time replying to this you'll have gone with your instincts, done what you though was right at the time and even if it doesn't turn out so well no-one (not even you!!) can blame you for that.
And don't forget if it doesn't turn out well.......we're/I'm here for you, OK??!!

Alison

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback.

It seems that again I am at a loss for words. They turned out to be just as they have been over the past - what is it now - four, five years. Think I would learn. It is just not meant to be. Ever.

It makes me sad, not because I have lost them again. I can live with that. It gets easier each time in fact. It is more the fact I really thought I knew them better. Believed they were a good person. Believed that deep down, I knew that they cared.

I was sadly mistaken. Hopefully for the last time.

Hi niceguy, I'm sorry it didn't work out you'd hoped
But by the sounds of it, it did work out in the best way for you. And I don't think that it's as much a matter of you not learning, it's just that letting go can be so hard sometimes, can't it??!!
But you did recognise how things just aren't going to work, you are finding it easier to accept that you need to be apart.
Hopefully the next time you take a chance, it will be with someone who is really going to care about you, someone who deserves to be with you, someone you can be happy to be with.

Alison

thanks

I feel so stupid. Arrogant in the belief that they care. Ignorant in the naivety that people can and will in fact change.

This raises the question for me - can people change? Yes, they can mature and start to consider others emotions, but I mean really change into what you want.

And why, if we want different things, do they bother to continue to torment me? Is it a sick pleasure they gain, or do they want to hurt me intentionally.

Is this just a lack of maturity? If I felt so strongly, and they do not. Why not just admit it, grow up and say so, diplomatically.

Hell, we have all had to gently let someone down before. No, instead childish games, they insist they are done with, seem to be on the menu.

I feel that if I really was wrong, and that they cannot change, then I have lost hope in human kind. I have great family and friends, but I have never encountered someone, with so little humanity, for human frailty.

If they stay away and I stay away. The outcome is positive. It is when they appear to be bored, and reappear, that everything fall apart.

please X, just stay away. Let me move on and be happy. For without you, I am certainly just that.

thanks

Hi niceguy, I'd say that there are going others out there who are going to care, who are going to be there for you, who are going to respect and share your wishes and your feelings...........without needing to change, because that is who they are deep down.
And this person.............well you have worked out that they aren't what you want/what you need in your life............it might be that they don't want to change, it might be that they can't change, it might be that they just are who they are...........but they just aren't someone you need in your life.
Now........I'd like for you to be keeping those standards for yourself, OK??
The recognising you need more.....you need to be treated better than.........you don't need to be putting up with.......I'd say you've been hurt enough, right??
And you know there are really caring, genuine people out there.

Alison