Knowing that no one cares

I can't take it anymore. I'm supposed to be living this perfectly fine life, with all the things I need, near my family.... but no one shows they care about me. They say when I breakdown that they love me, but they never say it any other time...
I don't love myself enough to find and give love to an outsider, so it's just my family...but they don't reciprocate
I'm so miserable right now... I have no one except this community to go to. My dad is always working, and when he's not working he's dealing with dying cats because our efff-ing family has too many efff-ing cats!!! Why the f@#$ does he care more about them than me!?!?!? His efff-ing daughter!!!!
I can't even talk about my mom. I efff-ing hate her right now.
My brothers are too selfish to think of anyone but themselves. I always try to listen and comfort my younger brother with anything he's going through... but when I have a breakdown? I'm the selfish one. Me! F him!
I just want to be buried deep so that I can be numb and in darkness and never have to see their fff-ing lying faces anymore. I can't handle this. I have no one.
I'm so lonely I even dreamt about my lying manipulative ex- friend coming back to be a real fff-ing best friend. But she's never coming back. I don't think I truly want her back. But I do want someone.
I can't even sleep anymore I'm so miserable. I think I'm destroying myself subconsciously just by not sleeping and only eating sugary things. I can't actually do the deed...but apparently I can destroy my health.
I'm so sorry...I hate myself for writing this. Please forgive me.

Even though we've never met you, we definitely care about you. I know I do and other P.C. members would agree. *HUGS*

Hello bluedonna92: I'm so sorry you're in such despair. I hope that, somehow, you can find the strength to rise above the situation you find yourself in now. Please don't hate yourself for submitting this post. It is important to acknowledge feelings like this & to let them out... "ventilate" them, as the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön would say. And this is what all of us here on PC are for. I wish you all the best... please keep posting!