[horsecab]

The last ten years of my life have basically been controlled by fear. I had a break down at a very stressful job I was doing back then, and that's basically when it started. I coped by drinking for a lot of years and just getting by in life. Through therapy I've managed to straighten out my life pretty well, but I still can't seem to deal with fear. I let it paralyze me and keep me stuck in life. I have been having financial issues the last 9 months with pay cuts and job cut backs and huge repairs needed on my house to where I know I can't really afford it anymore. Yet, my house is my safe place...often to my detriment where I would hide out and isolate myself. I can tell what's basically happening is events are conspiring to push me out of my comfort zone.
I have come up with a possible plan to move to my favorite area of my world about 250 miles away in a mountain community. A much smaller city than where I live and much cooler. It's an area I have visited every summer with my parents since I was 8. It's always been a dream of mine to live closer to there. I can see this as an opportunity to make these changes in my life, except I am so terrified of change and leaving this comfort zone I have been in for over ten years. I am so prone to negative thinking from years of bullying growing up that it's still so hard to believe in myself, that I can be successful and happy. I just don't know if I can do this. But the scariest thing is that I know I need to do something. I can't afford up keep on my house, and my job may be phased out by the end of the year... I have been this way so long, and it only seems to get worse sometimes leaving me with no hope of ever changing. Does anyone experience fear like this? How do you deal with it?

[layla11]

Hi, and yes this has been a problem for me for along time. Comming to this forum helps me alot. I wake up in fear alot, I come here first thing. I think if you get support you would feel more sure of yourself. It sounds like a good thing to go ahead and move. I know with me, I have had to go back to work because of the economy. It will be okay.

[Leed]

Yes I have. I also have a place where I went every summer with my folks. It's about 350 miles north of me in "snow country" on the Great Lakes in a little village right on the lake. I LOVE the village and I'd do anything to move there, but I can't afford to.

YOU have a REAL opportunity to do this -- to move to your favorite area and you HAVE to do this!! Do it for yourself, and do it for ME too!!! This would be ideal for you, and don't let your fear stop you! You would feel SO MUCH BETTER there, and chances are you wouldn't isolate so much too. This is your big chance -- DO IT. Don't let fear stop you. Just DO IT.

And let me know when you do it, will you? I want to celebrate too! I really envy you. I wish I could move to my favorite place. Remember, let me know! You HAVE to do it! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[jelly-bean]

You should seize this opportunity to move to where you want to be. Most of us have that same dream but we don't have the opportunity. I know the fear can be daunting but YOU CAN DO THIS! Good Luck and let us know!

hi horsecab - i would recommend continuing to work on these feelings with your therapist. I personally try and turn my feelings of fear into something more productive - why don't you start looking at houses in this area and get as much information on what its like to live there? I think you're more likely to make an informed decision - not to mention feel less fearful - if you know the facts and are prepared as much as possible for what may lie ahead. I hope you seize this oppertunity as a new beginning - its sound as though after everything thats happened, you deserve nothing less. All the best.

[horsecab]

Thanks everyone for your replies! They are really encouraging! I do have to face reality though, meaning that the place I want to move to is a smaller place with less jobs, and it's hard finding work anywhere these days. I have been working on an ebay business that I am hoping to grow and maybe only need a part time job...I will have to see with that. I need to visit this place in the winter when there is snow there to really see what that is like since I am a desert dweller, lol. I hope to go up on Columbus Day weekend also to look things over closer. I'll let you guys know how it goes, but I am prepared for a long process since I have no idea how long it would take to sell my house. Thanks again!!!

[northwardbound]

horsecab I think you should go for it. Do the research on jobs, housing, amentiies etc; spend some time there out of season; write a pros and cons list and listen to your gut instinct.

Fear (irrational, justified or otherwise) has grounded me too for more years than I care to count. But enough is enough! I can't continue to let fear hold me back. I'm about to do pretty much the same thing. Except I'm also moving family (who are being iffy about the whole thing!) so I'm looking at housing, schools, jobs etc. It's a mad gamble but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. It's probably madness to embark on such a huge change in my current mental state but staying in my current location (and hence staying still and treading water) will be more damaging for me in the long run. It's a case of beating the fear rather than it beating me.

Sometimes I guess you've just got to say "to hell with it" and give it a go.

All the very best with this

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by northwardbound

horsecab I think you should go for it. Do the research on jobs, housing, amentiies etc; spend some time there out of season; write a pros and cons list and listen to your gut instinct.

Fear (irrational, justified or otherwise) has grounded me too for more years than I care to count. But enough is enough! I can't continue to let fear hold me back. I'm about to do pretty much the same thing. Except I'm also moving family (who are being iffy about the whole thing!) so I'm looking at housing, schools, jobs etc. It's a mad gamble but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. It's probably madness to embark on such a huge change in my current mental state but staying in my current location (and hence staying still and treading water) will be more damaging for me in the long run. It's a case of beating the fear rather than it beating me.

Sometimes I guess you've just got to say "to hell with it" and give it a go.

All the very best with this

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I have had a bad week with finances and anxiety. I am going to go up to the mountains this Columbus Day weekend to check things out more, but I've come to the decision that I need to sell my house whether I move up to the mountains or not. I can't handle the finance issues with home ownership any longer, and I feel like the home is bad for me cause I feel so much fear at the though of leaving it and going out in the world. Yet when I leave the house and get out, I feel better. My fear isn't always this bad but it is now cause my comfort zone is crumbling around me. I've had more problems with my truck this week and spending money to fix it, and not sure how much longer it can hold out. Thanks for letting me vent today....

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by northwardbound

horsecab I think you should go for it. Do the research on jobs, housing, amentiies etc; spend some time there out of season; write a pros and cons list and listen to your gut instinct.

Fear (irrational, justified or otherwise) has grounded me too for more years than I care to count. But enough is enough! I can't continue to let fear hold me back. I'm about to do pretty much the same thing. Except I'm also moving family (who are being iffy about the whole thing!) so I'm looking at housing, schools, jobs etc. It's a mad gamble but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. It's probably madness to embark on such a huge change in my current mental state but staying in my current location (and hence staying still and treading water) will be more damaging for me in the long run. It's a case of beating the fear rather than it beating me.

Sometimes I guess you've just got to say "to hell with it" and give it a go.

All the very best with this

Your lucky to have family with you on the journey, my fear has kept me alone all my life. Except for my brother and sister, they are all that's left. I let fear paraylize me far too much. Good luck with your journey.

[sabby]

Usually, if I'm facing a change of some sort and there is some fear involved around it I make Plan A and Plan B and in some cases even Plan C. I'm weird like that but it does help to know that I have something to fall back on if one plan doesn't work as hoped. If find I have less fear to deal with by planning more options, just don't get into the pit of "over planning" because that can stop you in your tracks just as much as the fear can.

Wish you much luck!

[horsecab]

I made a decision that I am selling my house this week regardless of where I live. I have to. The money situation is just too much. I just spent 500 dollars fixing my truck this week with things it didn't need. It was one of those check engine lights that could mean anything of a dozen things are wrong with it. Fixed three or four things but still didn't take care of the problem. But even though it's still not running right I am still going up to the mountains this weekend! I may be spending more money I don't have, but if I stayed in town I would probably want to get drunk to forget the week I had, and I definitely don't want to do that. Wish me luck with my truck, and say a little prayer for me please...

[jen82]

I'm like that too, I'm always thinking negatively about everything and thinking that I can never amount to anything. It's hard to change the way you think. I struggle with it everyday. Good luck to you.

[horsecab]

I got to within 25 miles of my destination yesterday when my truck broke down.. I should count my blessings as I was able to get free towing back home through AAA. My nerves are shot though. I drank last night...tomorrow I find out how much more money I will have to spend to fix my truck and I am petrified with fear. I don't think I've ever felt more fear in my life... I just don't know if I can handle this, and I have no idea what I should do...I just don't have the energy to do what needs to be done

[sabby]

((((((( horsecab )))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so full of fear right now. I have a mantra I use when I'm having real worries and fears about things in my life.

"We always get what we need"

This doesn't mean that we get what we want. Our wants and our needs are two different things. What it means is we get what we need to survive and move on. Sometimes it takes time to get it. Sometimes we have to be willing to open our eyes and our minds to different possibilities in order to "get what we need".

There have been many times when remembering this mantra that it has eased my mind and relieved a lot of my stress and fears. It has managed to calm me enough so that I'm not over the top with worry and getting myself sick to death of it. I can only hope that you can use this mantra for yourself and that it helps you as well.

Take good care!
sabby

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by sabby

((((((( horsecab )))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so full of fear right now. I have a mantra I use when I'm having real worries and fears about things in my life.

"We always get what we need"

This doesn't mean that we get what we want. Our wants and our needs are two different things. What it means is we get what we need to survive and move on. Sometimes it takes time to get it. Sometimes we have to be willing to open our eyes and our minds to different possibilities in order to "get what we need".

There have been many times when remembering this mantra that it has eased my mind and relieved a lot of my stress and fears. It has managed to calm me enough so that I'm not over the top with worry and getting myself sick to death of it. I can only hope that you can use this mantra for yourself and that it helps you as well.

Take good care!
sabby

Thanks Sabby, I think that mantra will help. I have been so full of anxiety as I am still waiting for repairs to be done on the truck. Unfortunately a lot of damage was done when it broke down. I pray I am doing the right thing by spending the money I am on it. We can only make decisions as we go and pray they are the right ones. Not knowing right now is the hardest thing with anxiety. I hope they will be done tomorrow and I will see how the repairs went. Maybe, some of the anxiety will be relieved then. Thanks again sabby

[alyssum]

horsecab,

I'm sorry your truck broke down but glad that you were able to get it back home. And you are taking steps to live your dream. That's great.

I'm new here, and I deal with fear a lot. In fact, I came to the site just now because I woke up from a nap terrified of nothing and didn't want to call my therapist.

When you get your truck fixed, maybe you can try again! I hope so.

alyssum

[horsecab]

Hi everyone,

Here it is nearly 2 years later. I've spent that time getting a new vehicle, making repairs on my house when I had the money to spend on supplies, and watching my job slowly die, which it did on July 11th. In the meantime, I put my house up for sale June 16th, and by July 4th, I had a buyer! There have been some hitches in the process and some things that needed and still need to be worked out, but I am hoping to close by the end of the month. I won't be making as much as I would have liked, but it is more than the minimum I was willing to accept, and it will be enough for me to move up to the mountains. I am both excited and paralyzed with fear at the same time and try not to think of all that will need to be done. My house has been my comfort zone the last 15 years, but I knew I needed to make changes, and now they are starting to materialize. I have always remembered this post and how I felt when I posted it, and everyone's encouragement about going for my dream. It meant a lot to me. Now, I am about to step out into the great unknown, and move to the area that is the only thing and place that could have motivated me to be willing to take this risk, and leave my isolating comfort spot. Please pray for me, as I know I will need all the strength I can get to do all that I need to do. I will update when I can! Thanks to all.

[sabby]

So nice to hear back from you horsecab! Sounds like you have been pretty busy getting all your ducks in a row for this move of a lifetime for you! I'm excited for you, even though I understand you are fearful of making this move.

Proud of you for sticking to your guns and your decision to do this. Remember, one step at a time, breathe deeply and keep moving. Sounds like you are doing a great job of overcoming your fear of leaving your home to experience something wonderful for yourself.

Looking forward to your updates! Take care

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( horsecab )))))))))

[Thunder Bow]

Take those Horses with you ( Your personal resources), ride one of them. Forget the "what if" worries and go for it. You are handling things well I see.

[glok]

Hello, horsecab.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/overcomi...takes/00012191

I wish you well.

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by sabby

So nice to hear back from you horsecab! Sounds like you have been pretty busy getting all your ducks in a row for this move of a lifetime for you! I'm excited for you, even though I understand you are fearful of making this move.

Proud of you for sticking to your guns and your decision to do this. Remember, one step at a time, breathe deeply and keep moving. Sounds like you are doing a great job of overcoming your fear of leaving your home to experience something wonderful for yourself.

Looking forward to your updates! Take care

It is only the love that I have for that place that is making the difference Sabby, thanks...

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Take those Horses with you ( Your personal resources), ride one of them. Forget the "what if" worries and go for it. You are handling things well I see.

With greatest respect I Thank You!

[horsecab]

Just a quick update...I will be signing the closing papers Wednesday and will be out of the house by noon Sunday, and on my horses way to a new world! Thanks for everyone's kind words of support.

[horsecab]

Big changes have been made! Sold the house and moved 200 miles north! Have some work, but will need to make more money to cement the move. I am living in a month to month guest house right now, so living arrangements will still need to be changed again, but I have been here since the first of September and love it! It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth all the hard work. Here is where I am.....


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