[twinboar7]

Sometimes when I'm studying, I get these mental ANTS that discourages me to completing my studies. Sometimes, I think about how unfair, manipulative, and sorry my dad is. I hate to even look at him in a positive manner. I won't talk about my life story, because it should be left in my diary.

1. I would like to cope with my feelings of my dad.
2. I would like to find mantras or techniques to conquer ANTS during studying.

Thanks. Helps a lot.

[gayleggg]

Unfortunately we can't choose our parents. It took me many years and counseling to understand my dad had no idea how to be a parent. It took me longer to forgive him for not learning how. Forgiveness will help you more than it will your father. Counseling really helps, to have an objective party listen works.

The way I deal with "ANTS", which I call mind chatter, is to bring myself back to the present moment. It takes practice. So when you are studying and catch the ANTS at work, bring yourself back to your studies. Know that they are only thoughts and you can learn to ignore them.

If you ever get the chance read a book called "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It doesn't sound like it would be about mind chatter but it has lots of information on getting relief. It also, touches on staying in the present and letting go of past hurts. It's an easy read, I highly recommend it. PM me if you have any questions.

[twinboar7]

Thanks for advice. Sometimes, I wish I could change my dad. I will consider counseling, but I may not because I like to be self-reliant.
I'll look at Barns and Noble this weekend. Thanks for the recommendation.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by twinboar7

2. I would like to find mantras or techniques to conquer ANTS during studying.

Thanks. Helps a lot.

Some techniques - stop studying and got for a walk, or take a hot shower, or brew some tea, wait until it cools down, and drink it, or write your thoughts in your diary (since you have a diary, this technique must help you for sure), or do a review (when you are feeling the ANTS, it is much harder to learn new material, but you may still be able to review old flashcards, and then you will still feel that you have accomplished something, since reviewing old material is vital for academic success). Doing something active, such as a few exercises with dumbbells (I wish I did what I preach ) would help, too. I am not sure about mantras, but either falling back on the option of reviewing old material or doing something physical should provide relief.

Of course, you can draw a picture of your dad and burn it, but make sure you do so in the sink, for safety reasons.

[twinboar7]

The diary does help, but I like to focus as long as possible without thinking about anything. Some positive distraction would be more beneficial. Like one time, I was reading about sexual selection, and I couldn't help myself to National Geographic's videos. I appreciate the suggestion on reviewing older material. It may explain why I can think through negative thoughts and still do math homework, because I learn it first than my other classes, where I need lots of pre-reading.

[hamster-bamster]

Another thing that I have found and that seems quite similar in your case is that when the homework is structured (say, math homework would have exercises), it is easier to do it than when it is not structured (say, you need to read and memorize, but there are no exercises to do). There is just so much more room for intervening thoughts, anxiety and worry in the latter scenario.