[Skywalking]

I have a lot of happy memories, but when I think of them, I feel so sad. It hurts a lot to think about happier times with people who are now passed on, or things I did as a child, or just to catch a scent that smells like a place where I was happy. Thinking about even the good things in my past hurts terribly, because those people, those places, those things, the person I was back then - they're gone. There are a lot of bad things in my past, too, and the bad is intertwined with the good.

People talk about having happy memories that make them smile, memories of better times that give them hope or comfort. Mine just cause me so much pain. I feel like a failure that I can't seem to separate the good from the bad and appreciate it, but it just hurts.

[healingme4me]

Not certain there's a right or wrong way to process memories.

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[Key Lime]

I completely know what that feels like. Looking back on the past, it all seems so distant and it makes me wonder where all the good times went... I try to ignore the past because of the depressing feeling that comes with those recollections. Most of the time I try to focus on the present. I try to make the place that I'm at as pleasant and joyful as I can (even if it's not where I want to be). It might cause internal damage to ignore the past, but it's better than dwelling on it and giving in to the depression.... Stay strong!

[Skywalking]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Not certain there's a right or wrong way to process memories.

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What does "process" mean? I hear it all the time on these forums and I don't understand it.

Thank you.

[Skywalking]

Originally Posted by Key Lime

I completely know what that feels like. Looking back on the past, it all seems so distant and it makes me wonder where all the good times went... I try to ignore the past because of the depressing feeling that comes with those recollections. Most of the time I try to focus on the present. I try to make the place that I'm at as pleasant and joyful as I can (even if it's not where I want to be). It might cause internal damage to ignore the past, but it's better than dwelling on it and giving in to the depression.... Stay strong!

Same, I prefer focusing on the future and making it better, or else getting distracted in the present. It's just sometimes I get hit with those "happy" memories out of nowhere and it makes me so sad.

Thanks for the commiseration!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Skywalking

What does "process" mean? I hear it all the time on these forums and I don't understand it.

Thank you.

I didn't realize it was a psyche term? It's like reconciling memories. Like reconciliation of monthly bookkeeping, to me. Seemed the appropriate word.

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[PianogirlPlays]

It can be painful to look back when things are not doing so well in the present. It is hard to move forward when you are hurting. However, I have found that even on a bad day there is usually something nice or good that happens. Life is so unsteady. It has many ups and downs. I hope you find the " Diamonds in the Dust".

[Skywalking]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I didn't realize it was a psyche term? It's like reconciling memories. Like reconciliation of monthly bookkeeping, to me. Seemed the appropriate word.

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I still don't think I understand what it means in the context of memories, but thank you for giving an explanation!

[Skywalking]

Originally Posted by PianogirlPlays

It can be painful to look back when things are not doing so well in the present. It is hard to move forward when you are hurting. However, I have found that even on a bad day there is usually something nice or good that happens. Life is so unsteady. It has many ups and downs. I hope you find the " Diamonds in the Dust".

I think this is some good advice. I don't think I'm doing poorly at present, or being held back by anything, though.

I feel I'm not explaining this well...maybe an example would help?

Let's say I'm reading in bed and out of nowhere, I get a memory of being a little girl and my dad is dancing with me in front of the Christmas tree. Lots of good things there that are happy, it was a moment that made me happy.

But, there's a "but" in there. Bad things happened with my father when I was a teenager that were very painful. So I'm left looking at this happy thing, and instead of being happy, it just hurts. It makes me sad that I have happy memories but they might as well be bad ones, because of how much it hurts.

Or, I drive by the house of a friend who died, and I don't reminisce about good times and how wonderful they were, I feel regret and anger at myself that I wasn't a better friend.

It feels like so many of the good things in my life ended up horrible, to the point I don't have any happy memories that don't hurt.

I don't really know what to do, and like I said, I feel like a failure that I can't just enjoy the good times, or at the very least not have those memories bother me.

[Cris80pitt]

Every person has a different memories. Try to leave the bad things in the past. It is over. Yes, it hurts but thinking about them will not change anything. Live in a present day and think about the future. Appreciate what you have, because a lot of people don't have even half of what you do.

[magical loser]

i feel exactly the same. its because things were better back then and i miss it and want things to be like that again. i want to be like that again. i wasnt depressed back then. its any time from late teens and earlier. even though i was bullied all the way through high school life was still a lot easyer then and i wasnt depressed, i ignored the bullies and did what i want and enjoyed whatever it was. but now i dont really enjoy anything anymore

i did try to talk about this with my last counceller but she didnt understand because i couldnt make sense and explain it properly...