[Ozonjo]

New here, although I've been getting the newsletter.

I am a 62 yo man, who has developed a teenlike crush on a 23 yo woman who is involved in an organization that I work with. The feelings developed over about 6 months of interaction. I struggled for a month, then wrote her a confessional email, clearly saying that I knew it was absurd, and that I simply felt a strong need to tell her of my feeling. Well, this became somewhat of an organizational matter, and I have been banned from communication with this person except if task related. We have just had minimal interaction, friendly and non-malicious, but circumscribed.

The problem is that my feelings remain. I am not crazily obsessed or unbalanced by them; I gave managed to mellow a bit in some ways through my decades. I would like a way to attenuate these feelings, while admitting my strong craving to be sweet on someone with some reciprocal potential, maybe even who loves me. But I would not say that I have had these feelings many times in my life, but most of the times they have been equally misplaced, in various ways.

[kaliope]

hi ozonjo
i dont get out much so only encounter people thru my job. every now and then i get a little crush on people i am helping. i know this is entirely inappropriate so of course i take no action on it, but i dont let that stop me from absorbing the good feelings i get being around that person. are you able to do that with her without feeling like it needs to mature into a relationship?welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

I agree with Kali on this. Its sometimes best to keep feelings to ones self when dealing with emotions towards a co-worker. While it may seem semi awkward trying to be around that person day to day due to work, if the other person doesnt reciprocate it can, as you have seen spark potential issues. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, its natural for humans to develop attraction to others. Its what we are programmed to do. All you really can do is try to control said emotions and do your best to maintain a good work relationship with her. Welcome to psych central and I hope that you find the advice you are looking for

[sideblinded]

Welcome to PC. I hope that you get your feelings about her worked through and that you are able to look at her in a way that is reasonable. What ever that is as it is not my say about what you decide to do.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Oh dear, these things happen, you appear to have behaved honourably but unwisely. You knew it was absurd but your feelings drove you anyway. I would respectfully suggest this was folly but not wickedness, don't dwell on it. For your sake please try to move on, she is an adult but at 23 still wet from her mother's milk, with her whole life before her.

Think back to how you regarded older people when you were 23 - they were part of the background, not part of your life. That is how it is, probably how it must be.

Consider why you were susceptible to this infatuation. Consider if in fact it could be, to use a cruel word, delusional. What led you to it, how can you manage the need that drove you in a constructive way.

Age can be cruel, but there it is.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Ozonjo!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. It may take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being moderated.

We've all crushed on someone at one time or another. I don't think we deliberately choose who and when it will happen, it just does. You took a chance, it didn't pan out so you move on. 62 is not old, you have pliantly of time to meet the right person.

[Dan208]

I kind of know how you feel. I'm 35 and have a very big crush on a female coworker of mine that's 20. She's one of the only people that I can talk to about just about anything, and she considers me one of her best friends. I honestly think I'm falling in love with her, but there are two problems. Number one is she's moving back home in May (from Kansas to Mississippi). Number two, and the big one, is I'm married. I really don't know how I'm going to handle it when she leaves. She has already told me that she's going to avoid me for the entire day because she doesn't think she can look at me without breaking down.

[hvert]

I have also had crushes like that. Your only mistake was in confessing it! I find that time really does heal all wounds. For me, I have to go cold turkey for a period of time and distract myself with other thoughts. Is taking a break from the organization a possibility?

[Grace321]

Originally Posted by Ozonjo

New here, although I've been getting the newsletter.

I am a 62 yo man, who has developed a teenlike crush on a 23 yo woman who is involved in an organization that I work with. The feelings developed over about 6 months of interaction. I struggled for a month, then wrote her a confessional email, clearly saying that I knew it was absurd, and that I simply felt a strong need to tell her of my feeling. Well, this became somewhat of an organizational matter, and I have been banned from communication with this person except if task related. We have just had minimal interaction, friendly and non-malicious, but circumscribed.

The problem is that my feelings remain. I am not crazily obsessed or unbalanced by them; I gave managed to mellow a bit in some ways through my decades. I would like a way to attenuate these feelings, while admitting my strong craving to be sweet on someone with some reciprocal potential, maybe even who loves me. But I would not say that I have had these feelings many times in my life, but most of the times they have been equally misplaced, in various ways.

Hi,
Sorry to hear of what you're going through. The same type of feelings that can bring such joy when in the right time and place are causing you such grief.

I can relate to what you're saying. It's quite painful, and sounds like you are suffering. This might sound too simple, or even silly, but it works for me. What I found helpful in a similar situation was to just NOTICE the feelings, do to judge them one way or another, just observe them. No 'shoulds' or berating yourself.
Don't 'try' to be rid of them, because that doesn't really work. Acknowledge that they are there. Allow them to be there. Feelings change, and they will.

Some CBT forms (they have them online) helped me also. It helps to allow the 'thinking' part of me to lead rather than the 'feeling' part. iCBT is an app I was told about and use sometimes when on the go and can't sit and write down thoughts. I've gone in the bathroom in an anxiety provoking situation and used it, lol!

The best way to forget these feelings or get over them is to stay busy. Stay occupied and distract, distract, distract yourself! I'm not sure if I could still be in the situation working near this person or not, as that might exacerbate things.
Stay healthy, and remember time heals and gives us perspective, as does space.

Take care of yourself, and best wishes!