[monkeybrains21]

Bare with me I'm a bit all oer the plce right now. Been thinking a lot about findin new T. Current T too easy on me and I can easily manipulate I to speaking of nothing of any importance. Saw Pdoc and meds got changed. Coming off lexapro added Zoloft and about to dbl that. Wellbutrin same.

For the first time in a while I got up and outta bed very fast this morning. Made coffee and served to wife in bed. Left before sun got up and did more than a days worth of work in a matter of a few hrs. I was just go go go keep on chugging. My eyes feel very tired but my body is still go go. I am extremely irritable and anger very quickly. Like this dude was coming up on me in my tail and I'm already goin 25 over all I want to do is slam on the brakes and jut let it be but I don't and get over when I can and I just am so angry I just yell and give them the finger. This is becoming increasingly common and it's not so great cuz lately ppl been getting killed for it.

I also am upset to say urges of SI have been answered and I just give in so easily. Nothing super bad but it's enough to make me upset with myself for allowin it to happen. I don't even kno y it just does. I kno my anxiety was getting bad coming off lexapro Pdoc then added the Zoloft. It's hard to concentrate right now and I really don't even know what I'm saying or what I want from this.

[healingme4me]

Sending you moral support

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[Butternut]

Hi I know how you feel, by just going and not stoping cause you feel like if you stop you might punch a wall or not know how to stop thinking. I'm on this forum cause I can help people by really listening aka reading

You can get out of bed, that's a plus. Are you taking those meds because you want to?

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by Butternut

Hi I know how you feel, by just going and not stoping cause you feel like if you stop you might punch a wall or not know how to stop thinking. I'm on this forum cause I can help people by really listening aka reading

You can get out of bed, that's a plus. Are you taking those meds because you want to?

Yes I weighed the pros and cons for yrs and decided I had to try it. I was a loose cannon snapping off all the time. It was goin to get me fired or worse arrested. I had to do something. I didn't want to be like that. I grew up in a family where MI didn't exist. I'm not that dumb I kno it does. I'm pretty sure there's undiagnosed MI in my family but I am the first to say this isn't workin and I have to do something about it.

I've always been able to force myself to do things I kno I have to get done my current T told me this week there's more than one of me and she always wonders whose going to walk through her door.

[Butternut]

Ah, well it sound like you still have right thoughts, by weighing out this and that. Some people just go right to it without asking if and or but. Using it as a staple rather than a learning tool.

My family did as well (I hope MI is mental illeness, my mother was schizophrenic), also we were neglacted and told to take care of eachother, which only brought on us bossing each other around. When my mother and father we home they just fought eachother. I still struggle with thoughts and an angry chatter box. Like today I wanted a lady to confront me for walking in her grass so I could tell her off.

I sounds like you see it, feel it, and know it. That takes a clear mind.

So what are you doing in your life that you like?

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by Butternut

Ah, well it sound like you still have right thoughts, by weighing out this and that. Some people just go right to it without asking if and or but. Using it as a staple rather than a learning tool.

My family did as well (I hope MI is mental illeness, my mother was schizophrenic), also we were neglacted and told to take care of eachother, which only brought on us bossing each other around. When my mother and father we home they just fought eachother. I still struggle with thoughts and an angry chatter box. Like today I wanted a lady to confront me for walking in her grass so I could tell her off.

I sounds like you see it, feel it, and know it. That takes a clear mind.

So what are you doing in your life that you like?

MI is mental illness. No schizophrenia that I kno of more likely bipolar or BPD. Right now I like nothing I hate everything and just want it all to end.

[Butternut]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

MI is mental illness. No schizophrenia that I kno of more likely bipolar or BPD. Right now I like nothing I hate everything and just want it all to end.

AH! Sorry it took so long to reply, but seriously!?! No! Thats your problem, you need to find something to do. Get yourself busy!

You have a wife, so you must want something good. you just need to really find something different to help you.

So many people just keep doing the same the all the time. Go to bed, wake up, go to work, come home, eat, poop, go to bed. put it in what ever order, but thats what we do, and we are HUMANS! YOU ARE something, really sit down and find out what really makes you want to do something? It can be whatever makes you happy.

I'm not some hippy dippy bull shnitter, I'm a human just like you and I have a husband, and if I knew he felt the way he did I would be pushing him just the same, well probably more because I live with the guy!

But point being, if you could do something, right now, that would just bring enjoyment to you, what would it be? Don't worry about anyone else, just you. What would you do if you had that chance?

Meph... sorry... I get a little passionate about life