[Aviza]

There are many things about him that upset me, bother me, etc. I've been married twice before and never felt such strong feelings towards those husbands as I do him. Initially I was angry we didn't meet earlier in life. I still struggle with the fact, other woman got his best self and I'm getting the guy whose all but given up. His constant excuse is I'm set in my ways. He's 43, I'm 41.

I know no matter what age we met my family would have disliked him. Basically we were upper class, and he was from the projects. After his dad died when he was 13 his mom moved all over and often. His class records were lost and he didn't graduate, got a GED. Records were misfiled and found later. He attempted law school but with little support in life he didn't get far. Instead got on the wrong side of the law.

That alone is something that under normal circumstances for me would have been a deal breaker. I used to dump guys because I didn't like their name, their college choice was another one, looks of course. He's putting me through hell on earth and my feelings for him still hold strong. It's crazy for real.

I don't really even understand why I feel the way I do, and I actually wanted to marry him, didn't give a **** to marry anyone before just couldn't say no really, and I really didn't want to get married to my two exes. But looking back if I was half as forgiving toward even one of them as I am toward him I would have still been married.

Love is crazy, and I don't understand it at all.

[hannabee]

Please know that I am not judging you, I also was married 2 times before this one. I do wonder if you are really in love or just accepting what sounds like really bad treatment because of ???? IDK why you would stay with someone who is putting you through "hell on earth", YOUR words, not mine.

You are still young, you still have a chance to spend your life with someone who cherishes you. Please consider getting some counseling. You deserve a good life, we all do. Bug hug!

[Aviza]

The hell is financial. Too many bills, not enough income. No stable housing. But that is all life is hell. If it ever gets good, it'll probably be the day I die.

2nd husband didn't like working, his parents paid our mortgage than comes the divorce they screwed me out of my share of the house, and stole my child. Only waited until after she was through with potty training than tried to undo that, after all their adopted daughter wasn't trained until kindergarten. He and his wife live in a townhouse, which he wouldn't consider when I as his wife suggested it.

He still only works a part time job, he remarried a sugar mama. But his family loves her, after all they don't have to support him anymore.

1st husband had affairs and then backhanded me when I confronted him. He and his wife is why my son killed himself, she hated him was abusive to him to the point of breaking his wrist, my son was half white after all.

His dad couldn't see him he said because of the snow, is what my son called to tell me from his foster home, because at that time I was crazy. However, his dad made it to his funeral which was a snowy day in Dec. Of course she didn't attend.

So as far as hell, right now it's emotional mostly, my family cutting me out because they are sick of my roller coaster life, compared to their wonderfully successful lives.

It hurts not gonna lie, but it's not the first time they've done it. See my mom loves money more than anything. It's never how are you doing,it's when are you going to repay me? I owe her about $800, misc stuff, but the truth is I always owe her for something.

See the shared dog got hit by a car, my fault because its always my fault, so I have to pay her back her half of the dog, plus expenses (for example). Somehow paying her is more important than getting myself housing.

I don't know what I want or who I am anymore. No idea why I'm here on Earth. Motherhood hasn't worked out, my dream of being a career person is a joke; I'm too flighty, can't focus. I can't do anything right, and I'm just a failure.

[avlady]

you are not a failure for one thing. you just got into some bad times with bad people. try to focus on yourself and get yourself in order before you can help anyone else. i will pray and hope you can get yourself back together mentally and financially. good luck