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  #1  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 02:03 AM
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Steiner of Thule Steiner of Thule is offline
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I went to the doctor today for a check up and I always thought I had something wrong with the weird feel in my chest. It feels weird and makes things worse for me to think about. I have to get xrays now because she says I have a heart murmur or something. I usually drink to cope lately. I can't relax.

I don't know why I keep looking at girls online. There is no point because I am never good enough for any of them and I only seem to like girls who are bad like me. Low self-esteem. I hate being me. Also it's just that relationships and people are just bothersome to me. People feel like work and I don't like to work. Can I hurry up and die already
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  #2  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 06:45 AM
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Dog on a Tree Dog on a Tree is offline
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Hello there, perhaps what you need is friendship? Build a close knit groups of friends who will always be there for you.
In time i'm sure you will find someone who you can love.
If you find people hard work, then perhaps relationships is not the right thing for you.

All the best.
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  #3  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 04:53 PM
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Steiner of Thule Steiner of Thule is offline
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Originally Posted by Dog on a Tree View Post
Hello there, perhaps what you need is friendship? Build a close knit groups of friends who will always be there for you.
In time i'm sure you will find someone who you can love.
If you find people hard work, then perhaps relationships is not the right thing for you.

All the best.
I do have a group of friends that I just got back in contact with on facebook but then the idea of upkeep is bothersome. Is it depression that makes it hard to deal with friendships and others. I just don't want to put a lot of effort into it.
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  #4  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 05:06 PM
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I know how you feel about the upkeep. Wow, I didn't know that there were people that felt like me when it comes to maintaining relationships. I was just complaining about this yesterday haha, and I was talking about this with my therapist on Wednesday. I don't know what it is. I don't feel depressed and I'm not going through a depressive episode so that's not it. Maybe, it has something to do with my past? Maybe, it was something I learned in the past in dealing with people and it just became a habit? Maybe, it became a habit that is now a difficulty? I've been trying to figure this out lately. I've cut out all of my friends (told them I would be out of touch for a while), and I feel a lot of anxiety in reaching out to them again. I don't know. I just wish I knew why I have so much trouble in maintaining my relationships.
  #5  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 08:55 PM
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Steiner of Thule Steiner of Thule is offline
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I know how you feel about the upkeep. Wow, I didn't know that there were people that felt like me when it comes to maintaining relationships. I was just complaining about this yesterday haha, and I was talking about this with my therapist on Wednesday. I don't know what it is. I don't feel depressed and I'm not going through a depressive episode so that's not it. Maybe, it has something to do with my past? Maybe, it was something I learned in the past in dealing with people and it just became a habit? Maybe, it became a habit that is now a difficulty? I've been trying to figure this out lately. I've cut out all of my friends (told them I would be out of touch for a while), and I feel a lot of anxiety in reaching out to them again. I don't know. I just wish I knew why I have so much trouble in maintaining my relationships.
Oh yeah it just seems like everyone has so much energy to do things and I just don't. Perhaps it is a lot like a habit. Bleh. I did spend a lot of my time attached to a computer and not going out due to anxiety. Now I just feel incredibly behind and will never be able to catch up.
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Old Jun 12, 2015, 09:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule View Post
Oh yeah it just seems like everyone has so much energy to do things and I just don't. Perhaps it is a lot like a habit. Bleh. I did spend a lot of my time attached to a computer and not going out due to anxiety. Now I just feel incredibly behind and will never be able to catch up.
I know what you mean...I wonder about other people and if they ever get tired! It doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe it's just my temperament and I just happen to not need a fast paced lifestyle. I don't ****ing know. Then I sit back and think that I shouldn't be comparing myself to others, but that is so hard not to do. Perhaps you're right and people are just in the habit of keeping busy. I don't ****ing know. Ah! I feel like I had a point here, but now I'm just rambling haha. I know how you feel about feeling far behind everyone else. It seems like my friends and people I used to know do things. Well, it doesn't seem like it. They ARE doing things with their lives. And I'm still here in this same place. I wish I had some advice or insight that I could give. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I know where you are coming from.
Thanks for this!
Steiner of Thule
  #7  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 11:47 AM
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Steiner of Thule Steiner of Thule is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehours View Post
I know what you mean...I wonder about other people and if they ever get tired! It doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe it's just my temperament and I just happen to not need a fast paced lifestyle. I don't ****ing know. Then I sit back and think that I shouldn't be comparing myself to others, but that is so hard not to do. Perhaps you're right and people are just in the habit of keeping busy. I don't ****ing know. Ah! I feel like I had a point here, but now I'm just rambling haha. I know how you feel about feeling far behind everyone else. It seems like my friends and people I used to know do things. Well, it doesn't seem like it. They ARE doing things with their lives. And I'm still here in this same place. I wish I had some advice or insight that I could give. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I know where you are coming from.
Ah we're always comparing ourselves to others. Maybe others are just better at showing that they are doing things with their lives or am I actually just not doing anything. I just don't have the energy or drive to go out and do things really. I don't like going to concerts a lot and I have no one pushing me/ giving me incentive to. I guess it's bad that I sort of run on a reward system inside. I don't like going and doing something for an entire day and getting told "thanks see you next time." I don't get much joy out of activities and feel numb to most things. It's dumb.
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  #8  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 12:33 PM
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Dog on a Tree Dog on a Tree is offline
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Perhaps it's a habit you need to get into? Like some things in life, we don't feel like doing it but eventually we enjoy doing it. It takes time and persistence.
  #9  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 02:15 PM
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Steiner of Thule Steiner of Thule is offline
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Perhaps it's a habit you need to get into? Like some things in life, we don't feel like doing it but eventually we enjoy doing it. It takes time and persistence.
A habit of trying to go out with friends? I guess so. I probably won't see my facebook friends since we live apart now.
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  #10  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 03:35 PM
Anonymous51078
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Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule View Post
Ah we're always comparing ourselves to others. Maybe others are just better at showing that they are doing things with their lives or am I actually just not doing anything. I just don't have the energy or drive to go out and do things really. I don't like going to concerts a lot and I have no one pushing me/ giving me incentive to. I guess it's bad that I sort of run on a reward system inside. I don't like going and doing something for an entire day and getting told "thanks see you next time." I don't get much joy out of activities and feel numb to most things. It's dumb.
Indeed, we are always comparing ourselves to others. It's a habit that I am trying to break. Everyone has their own life to live and comparing doesn't help. I guess it's all a matter of perspective when we wonder if we're doing things with our lives. There can be someone who's "achieved nothing" and is happy as can be. On the other hand there's the person who's "achieved much" and is miserable. The grass is always greener you know? I really like a quote by Alan Watts. I want to consider this quote whenever I'm getting down on myself or comparing myself to others. "The meaning of life is just to be alive. It's so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everyone rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves." Who is this invisible authority that we feel we have to answer too? Who is this invisible authority dictating that there's certain things we have to do in order for people to consider ours a life that's worth living? I don't know...am I making any sense? I'm just starting to think that we're alive and we're getting by. Maybe that's enough.

Who's to say that you're wrong because you don't have that drive? I would look at depression or other MI issues to see if they fit for why I don't have motivation for things. But after that if certain things don't motivate you then they just don't motivate you. I guess it just comes down to your contentment. If you're fine with it then there you go. Oh concerts, I've really tried to enjoy them but it's just not my thing haha.
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