Hi, there.

So...

I don't feel emotion (unless it's depression, or the fleeting joy of hearing a joke or reading something funny). I'm the type of person that can walk away from any relationship without a second thought. I've realised this early on (years ago), and put it down to being a good thing -that I can move on with little regret.

Until today.

I recently lost a friendship that was extremely important to me. It means nothing to me, now. Like a phase passed.

Am I really that... cold? How am I not mourning our broken friendship? Why don't I care? I'm the type of person that can walk away if I chose, and not look back. And realisig this, and that I've done it many times, scares the hell out of me! How can anyone be that cold, that heartless, and to think that person is me.

I understand if you think me a bad person after reading this. I won't blame you. In fact, you would be sharing my thoughts (I would say feelings, but, you know, those are rare for me)

Has anyone at all felt this way? Please. I need to know if I'm not the only with an iceberg for a heart.

Thank you for reading.
Regards,
Lexa.

[avlady]

I do the same thing, i can walk away, but only after many many experiences where i had to walk away, or people walked away from me. i learned this behavior, as i don't want to dwell on things i can't control, so i do just walk away with little or no feeling, it is the way i cope. maybe i wouldn't be this way if alot of times it just didn't happen? i feel for you although because i understand.

[monkeybrains21]

U r not alone. I am the same. I was a very sensitive child but after being use and abused an kept losing everything that mattered, I stopped attaching to anything or anyone. It's not something I can control. It's how I was made to protect myself from being hurt. I control the hurt and pain of loss now. Now others are at my mercy. I have the power and I will never relinquish it again. I don't find it a bad thing. We just need to learn balance and not to do it too often. U see it as cold but I see it as a logical way to live.

I've already lost so many ppl I kno and I'm only 29. If I attached myself to friends an others I would hurt all the time. Ppl leave ppl die ppl become very mean and greedy. I am unaffected by it all now. I can go on and live and work and feel no remorse or sadness for those lost. Some say it's not a way to live or it's not living at all. I say screw u. U want to feel all that loss be my guest I guess ur stronger than I on that level.

I am so very grateful for the responses I've received. Thank you. It's so good to know I'm not alone in this, and that it is most likely a coping mechanism.
Not me being a bad person.

Thank you. .

[Elle_Unmotivated]

I do this a lot. I'll think about the person occasionally and wonder how they're doing but I don't ever mourn losing them. I haven't spoken to my mother in over 2 years after being extremely close to her most of my life and I have not one bit of sadness over it.
I think it's good and bad. It doesn't make you a bad person though.

[bluekoi]

Lexa,

No, you are not alone. I understand what you are saying. It is very difficult for me to form attachments. If you hurt me, I have no problem saying "sayonara". I often feel like an Ice Queen.

[Thunder Bow]

It shows your maturity, that you are able to move on with out whining and crying over it. Also understand you have good heart. Your heart is not cold.

[IrisBloom]

It sounds like you have been hurt and you are protecting yourself from further emotional pain. It is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, you didn't choose to be this way, it was a reaction to something. It is also a part of depression. I'm way old and I've had to learn to detach cleanly from people/situations that were not good for me. Not all losses are bad, in fact sometimes they clear the way for better things to come. Don't be too hard on yourself, You are human and subject to foibles just like the rest of us. As you recover you will find things you like and don't like about yourself.

BTW, recovery can take a long time, a lifetime even, so just hang in there, it can and does get better.

[misslabarinth]

I am the same way, there have been times where i have had the best friendships, and then when i move away and never see them again. I don't feel even an ounce of dread. i think this might for me be due to me moving so much to the point I'm use to having friendship and then shortly after never seeing them again. don't worry yourself your not alone, and your most definitely not a bad person.
Take care ~
MissLabarinth

[SeekerOfLife]

Lexa, if I understand, I am kind of like this. I know that in my heart, I am caring and warm hearted. But on the outside I seem indifferent. I have been emotionally abused by ex, and I seem to not allow anyone to get too close, even though closeness is what I crave (friendship). I liked what Iris said, also.Hope this helps.

[Dog on a Tree]

Your not a bad person. It seems like a coping mechanism. I think looking back and being sad for a while is good and then coming to terms with it and accepting it.

What kind of person would you like to be and how would you like to react?

Originally Posted by Dog on a Tree

Your not a bad person. It seems like a coping mechanism. I think looking back and being sad for a while is good and then coming to terms with it and accepting it.

What kind of person would you like to be and how would you like to react?

Thank you for replying, Dog on a Tree. I think you've asked two important questions, that are worth taking the time to ponder. At this time, I don't have an answer to either one.