Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 06:22 PM
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
I have a problem...I guess I open myself up too freely to people online, only to crash against the walls they erect like some out of control car. I often find myself caring deeply for people I meet online....and trying to help ease their emotional burden by offering an ear or shoulder. I really need to stop this nonsense...it's obviously getting me nowhere, save a trip to the Psych ward when I can't deal with the basket case of emotions I feel.

I know other people have emotional baggage....and may be going through a lot....but god damn it, isn't that the best time to let people help you? I just...I dunno...

Maybe I'm just too naive and selfish...and never seem to learn or grow from anything...

I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill at this point. So, for that, I apologize.
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
Hugs from:
avlady, Fuzzybear, hpocus, StillIntending

advertisement
  #2  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 07:01 PM
CopperStar CopperStar is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,484
The internet is a massive ocean of anonymous entities, swirling around together and sending whatever is in their brain at any given point in time flying out into the great www universe. We're all just swirling around together, trading ideas and messages and images and more, sometimes stuff that's like awyeah that's awesome and other times stuff that's like oh goodness wtf and sometimes stuff that's Rawr! and so on and so forth.

Whenever I get too worked up about something online, I just look at this:

I have a problem....
Hugs from:
avlady
Thanks for this!
BluesyQ, cloudyn808
  #3  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 07:35 PM
avlady avlady is offline
Wise Elder
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Jan 2013
Location: angola ny
Posts: 9,801
so funny copperstar
  #4  
Old Jul 06, 2015, 07:42 PM
CopperStar CopperStar is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,484
Quote:
Originally Posted by avlady View Post
so funny copperstar
Sometimes life is a bit hysterical. But it can be hard to always remember it in the moment, for sure. Sometimes I just have to tape funny **** to my walls, doors, office desk, etc to keep me sane lol.
  #5  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 10:28 AM
hpocus hpocus is offline
Account Suspended
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Pallet Town
Posts: 123
I think a lot of people forget that they're talking to other people when they're on line. It's a computer, it doesn't have feelings, etc.

Another thing I think people do is vent a lot in order to relieve enough stress to be able to continue their lives without making changes that they really ought to be making.
Thanks for this!
IrisBloom, John25
  #6  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 11:53 AM
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,224
It's probably wise not to take whatever is on the Internet too seriously. It's hard enough to keep up with real people around us let alone the ones we don't even know. We never even know who is on the other side. Much of it is fake. Sometimes if we feel a desire to help others something like volunteering in shelters or hospitals helps. At least you know those are real folks, who the heck knows what's real online

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #7  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 11:56 AM
CopperStar CopperStar is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,484
Quote:
Originally Posted by hpocus View Post
I think a lot of people forget that they're talking to other people when they're on line. It's a computer, it doesn't have feelings, etc.
I don't so much see them as computers and not people. It's just that it's the internet. People can claim whatever they want, in many different regards, but there is no action behind it, there is no skin in the game. It's a place without consequence and no demand, for the most part, I guess outside of like, death threats and such. So it's good to be realistic and understand that the chances of making an actual friend are extremely low (not impossible, but extremely low), the chances you will be lied to in various ways are extremely high, and that it's mostly just a huge buffet of ideas, opinions, discussions, expressions, entertainment, information, etc. Becoming emotionally invested has a high risk factor but rarely does it translate into much if any value. Trying to put out good vibes, input, information, ideas, perspectives, etc is great and adds to the buffet, but to be emotionally invested is just not strategic for one's mental health IMO.
  #8  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 03:30 PM
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
I want to yell and stomp my feet...I'm beyond frustrated...beyond able to sort out my emotions and deal with them.

Now comes the overly dramatic, overly emotional me.

"Don't take things so personally" they say. Sure....easy for you to say. How does a hypersensitive and emotional person NOT take things so personally.

Slap to the face it is. Never allowed to be a part of something..always on the outside looking in. Never belonging anywhere...

I'm sorry if I'm being a drama queen here, but I don't know any other way.
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
  #9  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 04:01 PM
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,224
Trust me you aren't alone. I experience every emotion very strongly too. Many of us do. No, not easy at all. And talking about getting dragged into crap, I ( and very many others out there) was scammed online.

I personally can be very naive and trusting. My t says I have to be less blindly trusting of people. I am trying

I have to ask who are these people? Potential dates? Or random folks? Are you planning on meeting these people? . If you never plan on meeting them then it really is better to ignore them. If you plan on meeting them then wait until you meet before you get involved emotionally. Regardless if friends or dates

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #10  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 04:39 PM
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
No...the problem isn't so much them...it's me. I attach myself to random strangers and believe that there is a friendship there. It's something that I know is unhealthy and needs to stop.

It also doesn't help that I have abandonment issues...I dunno why...maybe it's from all the times I've ever had friends, who eventually walk out of my life, and lose touch. Sometimes it's abrupt...other times the end of the friendship lingers on for weeks, months even.

I would reach out to more people...but the new people will do the same thing. They always do.

I can't think very clearly right now.....eyeballs hurt a fair bit from crying for so long...and the pain is a distraction...perhaps a welcoming one.
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
Hugs from:
Calypso2632
  #11  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 05:02 PM
A Red Panda's Avatar
A Red Panda A Red Panda is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Gallifrey
Posts: 4,166
It hurts a lot when people don't seem to reciprocate.

How long do you know someone before you start opening up a lot? There's a high chance that your pace may be a lot faster than what others are comfortable with. I can be on either side of that - and either people close up on me... or I close up on them.

Sometimes if you push too hard, well, it can scare people. They'll get that sense that someone is going to end up being clingy and will want to bolt - even if they aren't correct.

It sounds like you want people to trust and confide in you before there is an established amount of trust or confidence in each other - some people take longer to trust and open up. You say that you want to help them... but that isn't helping them, because you're not ok with their pace.

Some people don't want to be fixed, or don't like to drag others into their baggage. Sometimes it helps to share, but they likely have friends they've known longer who have the trust and history built up whom they share with. It doesn't mean that they don't like you, just that they have different boundaries than you do and you might be violating them in a misguided attempt to help and bond.

And being a drama queen? Yeah, that never, ever helps. It's almost guaranteed to push someone who's already getting edgy to leave. You can start correcting your cognitive distortions when you start throwing a frustrated fit - if you look at the posts you've made, yeah, they really DO sound very selfish. If you're being selfish, then everything is about you, so of course you will take everything personally. Once you start to remember and consider the perspective of the other person... then you can help yourself stop taking it so personally.

You say that you're always on the outside looking in... and that made me think of well, a metaphor I guess.

So there's an experiment where you can poke something through a balloon without popping it. All you need to do is have the balloon coated in dish soap. But you still have to be careful. If you push too hard and too fast, you'll still pop the balloon. If you go too slow it'll slide off. If you go just right the stick will go through the balloon. Same could be said for bubbles - if they hit each other too fast they pop. If they hit each other slower they'll stick together and sometimes meld.

From the things you say in this thread, and from past threads... you likely push too hard too fast for the things that you want... and you might be missing the needs and desires of the other person. There's balance, but it can be hard to find.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."

"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.


Thanks for this!
psyco123
  #12  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 05:17 PM
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
Quote:
Originally Posted by A Red Panda View Post
It hurts a lot when people don't seem to reciprocate.

How long do you know someone before you start opening up a lot? There's a high chance that your pace may be a lot faster than what others are comfortable with. I can be on either side of that - and either people close up on me... or I close up on them.

Sometimes if you push too hard, well, it can scare people. They'll get that sense that someone is going to end up being clingy and will want to bolt - even if they aren't correct.

It sounds like you want people to trust and confide in you before there is an established amount of trust or confidence in each other - some people take longer to trust and open up. You say that you want to help them... but that isn't helping them, because you're not ok with their pace.

Some people don't want to be fixed, or don't like to drag others into their baggage. Sometimes it helps to share, but they likely have friends they've known longer who have the trust and history built up whom they share with. It doesn't mean that they don't like you, just that they have different boundaries than you do and you might be violating them in a misguided attempt to help and bond.

And being a drama queen? Yeah, that never, ever helps. It's almost guaranteed to push someone who's already getting edgy to leave. You can start correcting your cognitive distortions when you start throwing a frustrated fit - if you look at the posts you've made, yeah, they really DO sound very selfish. If you're being selfish, then everything is about you, so of course you will take everything personally. Once you start to remember and consider the perspective of the other person... then you can help yourself stop taking it so personally.

You say that you're always on the outside looking in... and that made me think of well, a metaphor I guess.

So there's an experiment where you can poke something through a balloon without popping it. All you need to do is have the balloon coated in dish soap. But you still have to be careful. If you push too hard and too fast, you'll still pop the balloon. If you go too slow it'll slide off. If you go just right the stick will go through the balloon. Same could be said for bubbles - if they hit each other too fast they pop. If they hit each other slower they'll stick together and sometimes meld.

From the things you say in this thread, and from past threads... you likely push too hard too fast for the things that you want... and you might be missing the needs and desires of the other person. There's balance, but it can be hard to find.
I push because waiting is too hard for me, and because things can change at any moment. The only things that are constant in this word are death and taxes....nothing is guaranteed. I might not have the chance later on...

We only have a limited amount of time on this ball of rock....no sense in wasting any of it.

I've resigned to not even acknowledging those who I am looking in on from the outside...they don't want to include me...it's their problem, not mine. Insensitive jerks.
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
  #13  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 06:11 PM
A Red Panda's Avatar
A Red Panda A Red Panda is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Gallifrey
Posts: 4,166
Umm... gotta say here, you sound a bit more like a jerk than they do..... You're excluding them because they won't give you 100% of what you want instantly?!?!

That's unrealistic. Just because you want something instantly doesn't mean that it's possible - honestly... it sorta sounds like a toddler and their self-centric world view.

You're not even giving people a chance for an authentic bond to form... if they don't give you it ASAP then you shun them? How could they let you in when you can't even respect their personal boundaries and give them time to develop an authentic relationship with you??
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."

"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.


  #14  
Old Jul 07, 2015, 07:56 PM
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
I push because waiting is too hard for me, and because things can change at any moment. The only things that are constant in this word are death and taxes....nothing is guaranteed. I might not have the chance later on...


We only have a limited amount of time on this ball of rock....no sense in wasting any of it.


I've resigned to not even acknowledging those who I am looking in on from the outside...they don't want to include me...it's their problem, not mine. Insensitive jerks.

If these people are random strangers they really have no obligations to include you into anything. It doesn't make them jerks. They just don't know you. Especially if this is taking place online not even in real life

I agree we have very limited time and I agree about rushing into getting things done, which could include helping others or rushing to say kind things or spending time with loved ones or even rushing into simple pleasures like hobbies etc

Rushing into something that is unpleasant doesn't serve the purpose, does it? Pursuing and pushing strangers can't possibly be pleasant. And judging by how upset you are the outcome is not pleasant


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #15  
Old Jul 08, 2015, 01:00 PM
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw seesaw is offline
Human
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
Artchic, I know you don't like hearing, don't take it personally, but that really is what you have to do. And here's the thing: it takes practice.

Oh lord, if you think not taking things personally is easy like flipping a switch, lord help you. It takes a lot of practice to build up your self confidence and self esteem to be able to shrug things off. When whatever it is that's happening confronts you, you need to take a break, move away from it, distract yourself with something else, and let it be. And you have to practice it.

I don't have it perfected, people still get to me often, but I'm learning how to talk myself out of what someone who has no bearing on my life says.

So just keep practicing.

Seesaw
  #16  
Old Jul 08, 2015, 05:06 PM
iwonderaboutstuff iwonderaboutstuff is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: US
Posts: 253
Different kinds of people hang out in different kinds of places, online and irl. Consider where you're spending your time.
  #17  
Old Jul 11, 2015, 05:06 PM
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,637
__________________
Reply
Views: 1805

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:45 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.