![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#1
|
||||
|
||||
I have a problem...I guess I open myself up too freely to people online, only to crash against the walls they erect like some out of control car. I often find myself caring deeply for people I meet online....and trying to help ease their emotional burden by offering an ear or shoulder. I really need to stop this nonsense...it's obviously getting me nowhere, save a trip to the Psych ward when I can't deal with the basket case of emotions I feel.
I know other people have emotional baggage....and may be going through a lot....but god damn it, isn't that the best time to let people help you? I just...I dunno... Maybe I'm just too naive and selfish...and never seem to learn or grow from anything... I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill at this point. So, for that, I apologize.
__________________
![]() MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!! |
![]() avlady, Fuzzybear, hpocus, StillIntending
|
#2
|
|||
|
|||
The internet is a massive ocean of anonymous entities, swirling around together and sending whatever is in their brain at any given point in time flying out into the great www universe. We're all just swirling around together, trading ideas and messages and images and more, sometimes stuff that's like awyeah that's awesome and other times stuff that's like oh goodness wtf and sometimes stuff that's Rawr! and so on and so forth.
Whenever I get too worked up about something online, I just look at this: ![]() |
![]() avlady
|
![]() BluesyQ, cloudyn808
|
#3
|
|||
|
|||
so funny copperstar
|
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Sometimes life is a bit hysterical. But it can be hard to always remember it in the moment, for sure. Sometimes I just have to tape funny **** to my walls, doors, office desk, etc to keep me sane lol.
|
#5
|
|||
|
|||
I think a lot of people forget that they're talking to other people when they're on line. It's a computer, it doesn't have feelings, etc.
Another thing I think people do is vent a lot in order to relieve enough stress to be able to continue their lives without making changes that they really ought to be making. |
![]() IrisBloom, John25
|
#6
|
||||
|
||||
It's probably wise not to take whatever is on the Internet too seriously. It's hard enough to keep up with real people around us let alone the ones we don't even know. We never even know who is on the other side. Much of it is fake. Sometimes if we feel a desire to help others something like volunteering in shelters or hospitals helps. At least you know those are real folks, who the heck knows what's real online
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
I don't so much see them as computers and not people. It's just that it's the internet. People can claim whatever they want, in many different regards, but there is no action behind it, there is no skin in the game. It's a place without consequence and no demand, for the most part, I guess outside of like, death threats and such. So it's good to be realistic and understand that the chances of making an actual friend are extremely low (not impossible, but extremely low), the chances you will be lied to in various ways are extremely high, and that it's mostly just a huge buffet of ideas, opinions, discussions, expressions, entertainment, information, etc. Becoming emotionally invested has a high risk factor but rarely does it translate into much if any value. Trying to put out good vibes, input, information, ideas, perspectives, etc is great and adds to the buffet, but to be emotionally invested is just not strategic for one's mental health IMO.
|
#8
|
||||
|
||||
I want to yell and stomp my feet...I'm beyond frustrated...beyond able to sort out my emotions and deal with them.
Now comes the overly dramatic, overly emotional me. "Don't take things so personally" they say. Sure....easy for you to say. How does a hypersensitive and emotional person NOT take things so personally. Slap to the face it is. Never allowed to be a part of something..always on the outside looking in. Never belonging anywhere... I'm sorry if I'm being a drama queen here, but I don't know any other way.
__________________
![]() MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!! |
#9
|
||||
|
||||
Trust me you aren't alone. I experience every emotion very strongly too. Many of us do. No, not easy at all. And talking about getting dragged into crap, I ( and very many others out there) was scammed online.
I personally can be very naive and trusting. My t says I have to be less blindly trusting of people. I am trying I have to ask who are these people? Potential dates? Or random folks? Are you planning on meeting these people? . If you never plan on meeting them then it really is better to ignore them. If you plan on meeting them then wait until you meet before you get involved emotionally. Regardless if friends or dates Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#10
|
||||
|
||||
No...the problem isn't so much them...it's me. I attach myself to random strangers and believe that there is a friendship there. It's something that I know is unhealthy and needs to stop.
It also doesn't help that I have abandonment issues...I dunno why...maybe it's from all the times I've ever had friends, who eventually walk out of my life, and lose touch. Sometimes it's abrupt...other times the end of the friendship lingers on for weeks, months even. I would reach out to more people...but the new people will do the same thing. They always do. I can't think very clearly right now.....eyeballs hurt a fair bit from crying for so long...and the pain is a distraction...perhaps a welcoming one.
__________________
![]() MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!! |
![]() Calypso2632
|
#11
|
||||
|
||||
It hurts a lot when people don't seem to reciprocate.
How long do you know someone before you start opening up a lot? There's a high chance that your pace may be a lot faster than what others are comfortable with. I can be on either side of that - and either people close up on me... or I close up on them. Sometimes if you push too hard, well, it can scare people. They'll get that sense that someone is going to end up being clingy and will want to bolt - even if they aren't correct. It sounds like you want people to trust and confide in you before there is an established amount of trust or confidence in each other - some people take longer to trust and open up. You say that you want to help them... but that isn't helping them, because you're not ok with their pace. Some people don't want to be fixed, or don't like to drag others into their baggage. Sometimes it helps to share, but they likely have friends they've known longer who have the trust and history built up whom they share with. It doesn't mean that they don't like you, just that they have different boundaries than you do and you might be violating them in a misguided attempt to help and bond. And being a drama queen? Yeah, that never, ever helps. It's almost guaranteed to push someone who's already getting edgy to leave. You can start correcting your cognitive distortions when you start throwing a frustrated fit - if you look at the posts you've made, yeah, they really DO sound very selfish. If you're being selfish, then everything is about you, so of course you will take everything personally. Once you start to remember and consider the perspective of the other person... then you can help yourself stop taking it so personally. You say that you're always on the outside looking in... and that made me think of well, a metaphor I guess. So there's an experiment where you can poke something through a balloon without popping it. All you need to do is have the balloon coated in dish soap. But you still have to be careful. If you push too hard and too fast, you'll still pop the balloon. If you go too slow it'll slide off. If you go just right the stick will go through the balloon. Same could be said for bubbles - if they hit each other too fast they pop. If they hit each other slower they'll stick together and sometimes meld. From the things you say in this thread, and from past threads... you likely push too hard too fast for the things that you want... and you might be missing the needs and desires of the other person. There's balance, but it can be hard to find.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
![]() psyco123
|
#12
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
We only have a limited amount of time on this ball of rock....no sense in wasting any of it. I've resigned to not even acknowledging those who I am looking in on from the outside...they don't want to include me...it's their problem, not mine. Insensitive jerks.
__________________
![]() MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!! [UPDATED: 4/30/2017] LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!! |
#13
|
||||
|
||||
Umm... gotta say here, you sound a bit more like a jerk than they do..... You're excluding them because they won't give you 100% of what you want instantly?!?!
That's unrealistic. Just because you want something instantly doesn't mean that it's possible - honestly... it sorta sounds like a toddler and their self-centric world view. You're not even giving people a chance for an authentic bond to form... if they don't give you it ASAP then you shun them? How could they let you in when you can't even respect their personal boundaries and give them time to develop an authentic relationship with you??
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
#14
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
If these people are random strangers they really have no obligations to include you into anything. It doesn't make them jerks. They just don't know you. Especially if this is taking place online not even in real life I agree we have very limited time and I agree about rushing into getting things done, which could include helping others or rushing to say kind things or spending time with loved ones or even rushing into simple pleasures like hobbies etc Rushing into something that is unpleasant doesn't serve the purpose, does it? Pursuing and pushing strangers can't possibly be pleasant. And judging by how upset you are the outcome is not pleasant Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
#15
|
||||
|
||||
Artchic, I know you don't like hearing, don't take it personally, but that really is what you have to do. And here's the thing: it takes practice.
Oh lord, if you think not taking things personally is easy like flipping a switch, lord help you. It takes a lot of practice to build up your self confidence and self esteem to be able to shrug things off. When whatever it is that's happening confronts you, you need to take a break, move away from it, distract yourself with something else, and let it be. And you have to practice it. I don't have it perfected, people still get to me often, but I'm learning how to talk myself out of what someone who has no bearing on my life says. So just keep practicing. Seesaw |
#16
|
|||
|
|||
Different kinds of people hang out in different kinds of places, online and irl. Consider where you're spending your time.
|
#17
|
||||
|
||||
![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
![]() |
Reply |
|