[Lildevil262626]

I'm 22 years old. I've started therapy and medication for 'depression', but quickly had to discontinue due to moving states and not having any health coverage in this new place. Which is okay, I didn't find the medication helpful and honestly my therapist was doing nothing for me. But now I am just tired. Always. I see no point in focusing any energy into anything because nothing makes me happy. I have no real skills or hobbies, no interests. I have a dog and a cat and my happiest moments are when it is just us. I don't want to end my life, I just don't see the point in continuing it. I don't see myself doing something that makes me happy, I don't know of anything that really does. I can't focus in school and I have a hard time communicating with anyone who isn't 100% genuine. And there aren't a lot of those people out there, especially here in SoCal. I'm constantly looking to get as far away from where I am, searching for something that makes me feel like I'm not a huge waste of time. But it seems as if that's all I am doing, waiting for stimulation. I have a job, minimum wage and part time, constantly looking for more but there aren't many opportunities. My pay checks go from where I work straight to bills, I have bounced around so much throughout my life that I don't have a 'home base' to return to. I've lived in many spare rooms of aunts, cousins, grandparents. What am I doing here if there is no reason for me to be? I feel like the only reason to live is to appease to my family and friends. And that's not making me happy at all.

[dysphoricspirit]

Sometimes you have to persist, push yourself even if you don't feel like it. I am sure you have hobbies and interests of your own (That you may have forgotten). I love playing guitar, but sometimes I find it hard to get off the bed, plug it in and jam because when I'm depressed I feel so 'heavy' mentally. It feels like too much work. In truth, it's not too much work, and it only takes a few mins to set my guitar up.

Do you study what you want to study, or were you forced to join a course that you don't like? Have you lost your enthusiasm for what you once thought was right for you?

I did a little soul-searching and I found a few things I like and also rediscovered my love for things I liked in the past, but I'm still a lot like you in that I feel like I'm only here to appease my family and friends.

I can relate to a lot of what you said, and I think I can understand you a little bit. Understanding how depression works, and how it can make things seem worse than they are has helped me a little bit. I think little victories mean a lot.

[Lildevil262626]

I am a homebody, I like to read, draw, puzzles, keep to myself. But these days I sit down in front of a piece of paper and I can't do it. I get annoyed, almost, and I need to get up and go. But I have nowhere to go, my friends are friends, but not the type to hang out with me as often as I need it. I get out of bed and I really do try. Everyday I find a reason to leave the house and it starts to feel like I'm just wasting my hours until I can justify going back to sleep.

School has always been difficult for me to focus on, I have taken college classes and even with my extreme interest in a few of them, I failed. I didn't even try, but I felt like I was trying so hard to TRY (does that make sense?) and it wasn't working. I feel stuck. I'm trying meditation multiple times a day. I've started at a gym. I'm trying to live a normal life but that fact that I have to try so hard doesn't seem worth it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[dysphoricspirit]

Do you remember when you liked drawing? What kind of drawings did you do? Were they elaborate, detailed sketches or just things that came to your mind?

As for friends, you can always try finding new ones, friend is a word with little meaning these days, so I guess you'll find that 1 out of a 100 that you can relate to. Maybe you can meet make friends online from your town.

Maybe give your gym some time? maybe you'll feel more energetic after you get into better shape. Good of you to start going to a gym and try meditation, they will certainly help in the long run.

You do sound depressed. Maybe not horribly so, but enough to sap your energy and motivation and to make it hard to see any point in life's activities.

May I ask why you're living in SoCal and if you have the option to move away from there if you don't like it? Being in a place that isn't right for us is energy-draining. Sometimes we don't have the option to move away and have to work around that, but if moving is possible, it can be helpful.

I see the word "happy" a lot in your post. This is going to sound dumb, but in what sense to you mean "happy"? Feeling happy, being satisfied, other?

I ask because I think there are many other words to describe a good life.

Are you able to think about medium and long-term goals? Depression makes it harder to do that, but do you now or have you in the past had goals for what you want to do in your for work/career, relationships, children, where you want to live/home ownership, social network, volunteer work, money, etc?

[Lildevil262626]

Originally Posted by dysphoricspirit

Do you remember when you liked drawing? What kind of drawings did you do? Were they elaborate, detailed sketches or just things that came to your mind?

As for friends, you can always try finding new ones, friend is a word with little meaning these days, so I guess you'll find that 1 out of a 100 that you can relate to. Maybe you can meet make friends online from your town.

Maybe give your gym some time? maybe you'll feel more energetic after you get into better shape. Good of you to start going to a gym and try meditation, they will certainly help in the long run.

When I liked to draw it would be doodles, or I'd see something that looked challenging to draw and do my best to make imitate it I guess. Nothing really ever from my own mind.

The gym I'm hoping will give me my energy back. My health is not at its best right now so that's very draining as well, and for friends, well I don't have many and I find it hard to make new ones because I feel like I can FEEL how little people care and how fake they seem and I can't stand it for a second.
Also I have social anxieties and that makes it harder. But like I said, I don't want to fix it, I'm not looking for something better because I don't feel like there is anything that really makes me happy or is going to?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lildevil262626]

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

You do sound depressed. Maybe not horribly so, but enough to sap your energy and motivation and to make it hard to see any point in life's activities.

May I ask why you're living in SoCal and if you have the option to move away from there if you don't like it? Being in a place that isn't right for us is energy-draining. Sometimes we don't have the option to move away and have to work around that, but if moving is possible, it can be helpful.

I see the word "happy" a lot in your post. This is going to sound dumb, but in what sense to you mean "happy"? Feeling happy, being satisfied, other?

I ask because I think there are many other words to describe a good life.

Are you able to think about medium and long-term goals? Depression makes it harder to do that, but do you now or have you in the past had goals for what you want to do in your for work/career, relationships, children, where you want to live/home ownership, social network, volunteer work, money, etc?

I was born and raised here, I left because I've never been happy and I was forced to come back simply because there wasn't any work and I could no longer support myself.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm not unhappy, there's nothing I'd rather be doing. I have never had anything I've really wanted to do with my life, and I've never been able to picture myself in a certain scenario, and it's been this way since I was a child. I've always seen myself being alone, I have abandonment issues and I don't believe that anyone will ever stay in one place.
I don't want to be anything or go anywhere, it will all be the same, I will be working all day and night just to survive the next day and night, if I want an education I'm going to need to be able to afford it, and then make sure I can focus on it so I don't waste my time and money.

I know that I am depressed and that is making this seem more pointless, but once I get better I still don't see a positive future after that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for the info. I totally understand living somewhere you don't want to because of money reasons.

I suppose I'm ignoring the title of your post. I think I do understand, and I'm worried and want to recommend things to you.

I'm in my 50s and have gotten a lot better in the last few months after a long depression. I'm working on trying to re-establish the structure of my life. I don't know the answers for my life to lots of the questions I asked you about yours. I'm just now becoming able to think about those questions again.

I'll try to honor what you're asking and say that I don't think anything you've written is pointless. It's good to let people know what's going on with you - that's pretty much the point of this forum.

I'm glad that spending time with your dog and cat is a positive experience for you. That's a healthy sign. I find it very comforting to spend time with my cat. Companion animals are the best.

[North Star]

Its tough to be motivated when you feel the way you describe. some tricks I use is a hot soak in a bubble bath, with music playing and candles. I also picked up some colored pencils and ordered adult coloring books, mostly mandalas and henna designs. i try to pick pastels or vibrant colors. this can be a challenge but they turn out nice and i actually did something and can share with friends. lot of people recommend journalling, that not a good one for me unless i have a specific topic in mind. right now im journalling on the 7 virtrues. it has changed my mindset. not as lost as i thought.

hope you fell better soon

[QUOTE=Lildevil262626;455520
8]I'm 22 years old. I've started therapy and medication for 'depression', but quickly had to discontinue due to moving states and not having any health coverage in this new place. Which is okay, I didn't find the medication helpful and honestly my therapist was doing nothing for me. But now I am just tired. Always. I see no point in focusing any energy into anything because nothing makes me happy. I have no real skills or hobbies, no interests. I have a dog and a cat and my happiest moments are when it is just us. I don't want to end my life, I just don't see the point in continuing it. I don't see myself doing something that makes me happy, I don't know of anything that really does. I can't focus in school and I have a hard time communicating with anyone who isn't 100% genuine. And there aren't a lot of those people out there, especially here in SoCal. I'm constantly looking to get as far away from where I am, searching for something that makes me feel like I'm not a huge waste of time. But it seems as if that's all I am doing, waiting for stimulation. I have a job, minimum wage and part time, constantly looking for more but there aren't many opportunities. My pay checks go from where I work straight to bills, I have bounced around so much throughout my life that I don't have a 'home base' to return to. I've lived in many spare rooms of aunts, cousins, grandparents. What am I doing here if there is no reason for me to be? I feel like the only reason to live is to appease to my family and friends. And that's not making me happy at all.[/QUOTE]

[avlady]

you're right depression sucks all the energy out of a person. i have it and am on meds for it. i went through what you are going through at your age, in 54 now, probably an old lady to you. i think you should see a doc and t it sounds like you are severly depressed. i know the feeling too. trying to find your nich in life too can be draining. good luck

[madera23]

Originally Posted by Lildevil262626

I'm 22 years old. I've started therapy and medication for 'depression', but quickly had to discontinue due to moving states and not having any health coverage in this new place. Which is okay, I didn't find the medication helpful and honestly my therapist was doing nothing for me. But now I am just tired. Always. I see no point in focusing any energy into anything because nothing makes me happy. I have no real skills or hobbies, no interests. I have a dog and a cat and my happiest moments are when it is just us. I don't want to end my life, I just don't see the point in continuing it. I don't see myself doing something that makes me happy, I don't know of anything that really does. I can't focus in school and I have a hard time communicating with anyone who isn't 100% genuine. And there aren't a lot of those people out there, especially here in SoCal. I'm constantly looking to get as far away from where I am, searching for something that makes me feel like I'm not a huge waste of time. But it seems as if that's all I am doing, waiting for stimulation. I have a job, minimum wage and part time, constantly looking for more but there aren't many opportunities. My pay checks go from where I work straight to bills, I have bounced around so much throughout my life that I don't have a 'home base' to return to. I've lived in many spare rooms of aunts, cousins, grandparents. What am I doing here if there is no reason for me to be? I feel like the only reason to live is to appease to my family and friends. And that's not making me happy at all.

One thing you can do is be thankful for those spare rooms of aunts, cousins, and grandparents.
The reason for you to be is to search and find that reason to live and maybe it may be just around the corner. Try praying, it is a place to start. God answers in His time, after he has made some changes in you .

Have patience. Stop appeasing and just be yourself. you may lose a few and find a few.
No one said life is easy, but, by doing your best it will become easier.
So rest, be thankful and be happy.
Madera