So offended so angry

I don't really even know where to go with this . I am hurt! I am so angry! My husband can be a nice guy but sometimes when we are with other people he makes jokes about me as if I was some typical spouse that fusses in the car, is always late, and other such things. I do not fuss in the car I am never late but early, I am not a big horrible spender or any of these things. I spoke up once and said I was not like that right in front of the people who are mutual friends. He knows these things are not true he just likes the laughs he gets even though I suffer embarrassment and inner fury. Just before vacation he did this and I struggled all vacation even though I told him how I felt. He likes to tease but again even that is at my expense. I hate it. I have told him so . He has said he was sorry but now I am struggling with my feelings towards him. I hate that he treated me like this and I am feeling anger and even hatred towards him. I feel like my universe has shifted. We have been through a lot of things and pitifully we are married 47 years and yet he could be so disrespectful towards me. I try hard. I try to do my best and I told him if he has a real beef with me he should come to me. He just thinks he is being funny and I think he is being very hurtful. This is on top of some pretty serious family struggles. I am struggling to recover!

Set a boundary. You say....if you don't stop disrespecting me the way you do then..... (consequence).

I work with counselors and this is one suggestion that I heard.

Boundaries are very important. When you feel uncomfortable then you know you need to set one.

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i know a couple like this, my friends parents, that are like this. her dad i constantly deameaning his wife. he thinks she should think of it as joking around. i fell for it while as a kid because he would tell me he was only joking, but as i got older it remained the same. i wish this man would just break down and give the woman a compliment for once.

I agree with Sesiley. This is somewhere the foot needs to be put down. You don't deserve to be treated that way, even if what he was saying was true.

Making jokes about someone is ABUSIVE. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. He is a bully, and gets satisfaction from embarrassing you. HE is the one who should be ashamed of his behavior.

Today I am feeling terrible. I put my foot down. He said he was sorry. I think he said he wouldn't do it anymore. That he didn't want to hurt me. I spoke to my doctor about it. My counselor is out of town this week. I feel terrible because I feel guilty about having it affect me so much. I feel guilty for all the pain I am in because of the thoughts about it. I feel guilty because I m still not okay.

PianogirlPlays, there's mo need to feel guilty about his comments hurting you. Would you feel guilty if he hit you and it hurt? Would you tell yourself it shouldn't hurt? Making fun of someone, especially after they've said it hurts, it abusive. Of course it hurts!

It does hurt but he is just foolish enough to think it really is joking. He knows better now because I have really addressed how I feel and the damaging nature of so called humor at someone else's expense. There are so many problems right now. I am , we are trying to get through. Today , at least, had some lighter moments but I am back in pain related to communication struggles.

This is an ultimate in relationships: If there is no MUTUAL
respect,by definition,there can be no relationship.

I am struggling to move on. So many hurts that got focused inward. My husband is really trying to do well. I try to recover but the insides aren't keeping up. My daughter was off the chart upset with me in July. It made no sense really but sometimes she goes off on me. I fear I try too hard to be really nice. My tummy is in knots . I hurt but life goes on. I try but inside I am crying. My counselor will be in town this week and we will talk on Wednesday.

My sister and BIL have been married for 48 years. Both of them would say they have a deeply loving marriage. She clearly loves and depends upon him; he obviously adores her. Throughout all the years of their marriage my BIL teases my sister and calls her names like "the old crow". He has always teased her. She finds it amusing and cute (she has no lack of self-worth, that's for sure) . If I were in her shoes I would be completely distraught. I post this just because it popped into my mind when reading your posts, PianogirlPlays.

I strongly suspect that your husband thinks he's being funny and that his "humor" will garner acceptance from others. What he isn't realizing is that his "comedy" most likely makes people very uncomfortable, and even causes people to dislike him, or not respect him as much as they might if he spoke highly of you. It sounds like your husband is an insecure person. If I were you I would gently (but firmly) bring up these points with him.

It's great that you have a counselor to talk this over with. I would be cautious about screaming ABUSE, though. Not because it is not abuse or bullying (because to me, it is), but because your husband might believe that he's showing affection to you or just being funny. I don't know him, so I can't tell for sure.

Whatever the case is, you needn't feel guilty for feeling hurt about the way your spouse treats you. Goodness, no. You don't like his behavior toward you, he continues it. That, to me, is just mean.

Anger struggle that just doesn't want to go away. My thoughts get focused on the problem and it feeds the anger. He has said he was sorry. I wish it hadn't happened because it caused so much suffering. However , it is really my thoughts , my reviews , that are creating this pain. The events , though repeated quite often through the years, are over. I believe I need to forgive. Maybe I keep it alive to help prevent repetitive acts. Whatever it is it is hurting me and only by fallout does it hurt him. He knows I am hurting but I have stopped talking about the reasons. It points out though that one of the problems is my own fear of people and an overwhelming concern about how they think about me. Truly, I am the total last person in the world that someone should make fun of or yell at. I try so hard to do right, I fail too, I even try to look okay each day. I have a background of abuse in childhood. It was pretty severe. No doubt I am affected.

I feel betrayed ...that my husband would treat me in that way....I feel misused. I have asked him to substitute compliments and positive things instead. I have a list inside my head ...of the hurts...the list hurts and prevents me from moving forward. Oh to lose the list.....see how he is trying to improve it. I need to forgive.

Thank you Fuzzy for the hugs.

(((PianogirlPlays)))

If he slips up and does it again around other people, you could smile sweetly, turn to them and say "Pay no attention to my husband. We've been married a long time, he's loved every minute of it, and couldn't live without me."

You could then turn to him and say with a smile "Isn't that right, dear?"

Made me smile!