Emotional Dilemma

I'm not sure what category to put this under, but please move it to the right one if this is the wrong category. These days I'm dealing with something very emotional and it's probably the most emotional thing I've ever had to deal with my entire life.

Have you ever had one of those "damned if I do, damned if I don't" dilemmas? I definitely am right now. Ready to hear what my dilemma is? DRIVING.

I have the whole "I will get driving lessons regardless of who gives them to me or where I get them" mindset. I'm determined to drive one way or another. Did any of you feel this way when you started driving? It's also mentally stressful and tiring. Nothing I've ever done in my entire life even compares to this and I'm not getting sleep these days, because I dread my driving lessons.

My driving instructor has been working there for 40 years and he's the only one they've got, so that's why I'm sticking to it. My mom and brother refuse to give me driving lessons, so either I get driving lessons from my driving instructor or not at all and I refuse to not get driving lessons at all.

I tried another driving school in 2009, but they did not work out and I haven't been in the driver's seat of a car in 6 years-until now. My current driving school not only gives driving lessons to disabled people, but it's also a special school or disabled people. My driving instructor gives driving lessons to disabled people and he's disabled himself. In fact, most of the staff in that school are disabled and they work with disabled people themselves.

I'm not sleeping at night nor am I having much fun. This is a small or huge price to pay for freedom and independence. I don't want to rely on other people to drive me around my entire life, walking will only get me so far, same with my bike, taxis are expensive, public transportation is expensive, the bus I take is for disabled people-but there are limits as to how far it will go, and my brother refuses to drive me around and my mom doesn't have much time to drive me around.

So that's why I'm sticking it and putting up with my driving instructor. I'm on the ASD and one time he said to me "I don't get you people!" It's because I hesitate to put my foot on the gas pedal. He says that a lot of his students are like that, but not all of them. One time he even said to me "I should do a study on you people." Rather than just saying "you"-meaning one person who happens to be myself, he generalizes and says "you people." Can you believe that?

How do I deal with this dilemma of mine and is it emotional or mental? Please give me some advice!

I can relate to this post quite well. I didn't learn how to drive until I was almost 22 (I'm 24 now) because I never got a chance to take driver's ed during high school because of some severe emotional problems that I was going through at the time nor could I get any family to help me.

During that period in my life I was struggling mentally while attending a votech school for the IT field while dealing with abuse from relatives who were supporting me at the time while struggling to hold a regular job and even going hungry some nights due to them not wanting to help me get a decent meal and me barely able to afford Ramen noodles along with my school expenses so affording drivers ed was out of the question.

Afterwards I finally had the money to pay for drivers ed but found that I was prone to anxiety and reckless driving behind the wheel which forced me to have to cough up more cash that I didn't really have for private 1 on 1 lessons because I used up the time that I paid for. Also what made it worse for me was because of the age I was learning at. If I were a 16 or 17 year old attending the classes it wouldn't be a big deal to me but as a 22 year old, I was so ashamed for having to be there and so afraid of other people thinking that I'm stupid or trying to judge me for being there that I frequently lied about my age and would lie to my friends about reasons why I wasn't driving yet with the most common reason being me blaming money and I avoided other students like the plague. Even to this day, I am unable to drive without freaking out behind the wheel unless I'm driving a vehicle that is either large (such as an SUV or large truck), a vehicle that is built like a tank, or a vehicle that has some sort of new teched out advanced anti collision system.

I don't know what to tell you. I want you to realize that you aren't alone and many young people are learning to drive at later ages these days. If possible you could consider taking drivers ed elsewhere. I find many bigger cities have better drivers ed instructors so if you live in the south and are financially able to take a trip to another state for a month or so to take drivers ed and live in a cheap extended stay motel or something, I would do it.

Otherwise, check reviews on other driver schools and consider writing a bad review on the one that you used if what the instructor said bothered you. Most of all though, try to focus on your passion and your desire to be free.

Sorry I couldn't be much more help.

i am 54 years old and only had one driving lesson my whole life. i just can't do it because of my mental illness. i can't concentrate much, feel stupid for not being able to drive. i wish you luck.

I'm in my mid 20s and I feel that the older I get, the more stressed out I get behind the wheel. Both of your posts really helped lift my spirits.

Sorry you have to put up with that, those comments sound ignorant.

If you can't get another instructor and have to stick with him all I can think to suggest is that you shrug off his ignorant comments and feel sorry for him - he sounds a poor instructor, judgemental and ignorant.

You're right and my mom said that throughout life I will deal with people like him, unfortunately.

Your instructor is plain rude. Perhaps you need more training and practice than some others and so what? Take it slow.

By the way my daughter is 27 and doesn't drive. She has no MI or any emotional struggles or impairments and is very well adjusted, has professional job and college degree. She did drivers training ( did really poorly) but stopped the whole thing after she had permit. She just wouldn't drive. She now lives in the large city with plenty of transportation so doesn't need to drive. People have hard time believing she has no license

You aren't alone

Hugs And don't give up

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I have a few friends in real life who don't drive, but I have one real life friend who gets stressed out easily and that's why he chooses to never drive a car.

It's not as uncommon as you think. Sure it makes life a bit harder but people survive

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To be fair, if you live in a city with solid public transportation or you're female, then not driving isn't such a big deal. If you're a man in many places and don't drive, good luck getting any women to like you because most women (at least where I live) are turned off by a man without a car.

Then again, I DO live in the south where most men are crazy about their vehicles lol

If I were OP, I would press on. Yes, not driving isn't as big of a deal as it used to be and it is more common, but without a car, quality of life is typically lower. You can get it if you want it bad enough so I wouldn't give up

My daughter is married. He doesn't drive either. Also college educated professional. They figured when they have kids one of them would have to drive especially if they move a bit out of the city. She figured it has to be him lol lol

Bottom line my son in law not driving didn't stop him from getting my daughter lol

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I live in a suburban neighborhood and public transportation is expensive where I live, so that's why I want to get my driver's license. Driving is something I have wanted to do my entire life and will keep getting driving lessons, until I am good enough to go for the road test.

How old were all of you when you passed your road test and how many tries did it take for you to finally pass it? I passed the written test the second time around, but the road test? I'm no where near ready for it. The rest of my family all have cars, so I want to get a car too preferably my driver's license first-as that's the law. Can't drive a car without your license!

If you can't pass your road test it is very good that you do not drive. I know it is tough but when you are on
The road you are responsible for others safety not just your own. Take drivers Ed again. I strongly suggest you do not attempt to drive prior to becoming proficient.


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Don't worry, I won't. Whenever I have sleepless nights, I skip my driving lessons because it's a very bad idea to drive while you are sleepy and irritable. Mostly my air conditioner is causing me to have sleepless nights-even when it's on the lowest setting.

Driving is like a lot of skills,it gets much easier with practice. So practice as much as you can. Tell your instructor "I am an individual. Do you have a helpful suggestion? You can do your studies after my lesson."

For example, if I had a student who hesitated to put their foot on the pedal, I'd have them watch a video with driving in it, and have them put their foot on the gas pedal--a soft ball, book or pillow on the floor-- when they thought it was appropriate; then when they could see that the driver was stopping or turning, to put their foot on the brake pedal (another soft ball or pillow or book or what have you--just something under your foot); to get used to connecting their eyes to what their feet are doing.

Don't let this guy distract you and upset you. I doubt he really means to do that, but since he is, you need to tell him and ask for helpful suggestions to overcome your particular problems as you are learning to drive. After 40 years he should have some; if he doesn't he isn't a very good instructor.

You'll get better at driving. I have faith you can do it. Courage!

Thank you for those words of encouragement. He scolds me, but doesn't give me advice on how to do things differently. It's as if he gets a kick out of yelling at me!

He's probably suffering burnout. Even so, if you pull him back around to doing what he is paid to do: Teach! I hope he will be better able to help you.

You can learn to drive. My son went from scary behind the wheel to wonderful. You can do it!

I wish all cars would disappear, gas guzzling polluters.
Public transport should be frequent and cheap that's the way forward.

Humans survived before cars came along.

I took drivers ed from our football coach in high school, the last class of the day. After we passed his written tests, he'd test us in his own car - two at a time. He'd sit in the passenger seat, and one of us would drive him home. He'd run into the house to change into casual clothing while we waited in the driveway. When he returned, the other student drove us back to the school. The drive utilized all skills a driver would need, including narrow roads and highway driving.

He was a very friendly and popular coach, but we all knew not to test his patience. Having to drive HIS car was even more intimidating. NONE of us wanted to be known as the one who dinged up or ruined his car.

My father allowed me to practice using his car - a big Ford 500 - and we'd practice driving out to the woods and back. The main road was busy, four lanes total, with bumps and small potholes. To test my skill, he'd place his coffee cup on the dashboard as I navigated my way around the bumps, staying in my lane and away from the other drivers. It was highly intimidating because dad was the only "breadwinner" in the family and his was our only vehicle. As much as he loved me, I knew he'd be furious if anything happened to the car.

I got my license at the age of 16. When I took my official driving test, I was nervous but not the least bit intimidated - and I passed with flying colors.

Due to failing eyesight and illness, I can no longer drive. But in my 30 years of driving, I was never in a major accident and never caused any harm to any passenger or fellow drivers.

If your instructor yells at you, don't let him intimidate you - use it to your advantage. Maybe he just likes to yell at people to get out his own frustrations in life. Learn your lessons well and give him nothing to yell about over you. Do your best and see if you can get him to smile and say "Thank you. You've done well, and it's been a pleasure."