[Yismymindblank12]

I can't take this, being financially ****ed by a stupid financially irresponsible mother who has definitely ****ed any opportunity I have in life. She doesn't care, except watching tv her job and her hair being done. Like nothing else matters in life. Like, yeah we're going to college visits to colleges I most likely can never afford. I don't even want to work my way up in life, because I have no where to go.

I now have two jobs and still ****ing starving myself some nights.

Can I just ****ing die already?

I don't have friends anymore, I can't afford a car until she gives back the money she stole I can't file a civil suit against. I am ****ed completely shoved into a corner where my only options in life is to be ****ed and be a slave to being ****ed.

I'm so close to ending my life, because I can't go get help when I need it. I can't escape work I can't work my way up. Just down into the ground and I was born into this crap I didn't have a say, their credit is ****. I can't take a loan. I'm praying they divorce so I can go school with a lower income parent so I can get a chance to get enough FAFSA money to even attend any school period. Community college is out of the question financially everything.

I couldn't get my license, because my mom bought a car she can't afford to pay off until like 10 years later when I'm broke still and she has enough money for a cheap car, but her old one broke down and pays a new transmission for it.

It's like I don't have a life. I'd rather be starving homeless to death, because I'm going to that spot when she dies anyways. I hate being alive, and I want to be dead simply as that. I hate people I hate everyone I hope everyone is happy with their life and can go **** themselves.

Seriously ****ing enjoy it. You sorry cod off ****s.

[philopsychology]

So basically because your life sucks atm you decide to trash other people on this site who are going through hell also? Well guess what, i'm glad that other people are allowed to be happy, because i hate suffering so i don't want others to suffer either even if my life sucks. I honestly wish everyone could be happy and things could be good because i know pain and i hate it and don't want anyone else to have to suffer like me.

[Yismymindblank12]

I don't know who or what I'm talking about. It's what happens when I talk to walls.

[Perna]

In my experience, one's 20's are not very great. But, eventually things do improve, one does get a break here and there as one ages that isn't parent-related. I did go to college and graduate (for what good it did me at the time) and still ended up in the non-jobs for 10 years; don't give up on your future yet, it is hard slogging through the crap to get to the future sometimes but often the future is worth it. I finally got the "right" college education when I was in my late-50's! And it was better than the first time around.

My stepson had a nasty time of it in his 20's also but now owns his own business and has a loving wife and 2 great kids and is the family "pillar". Keep doing the best you can and figure out exactly what you really want (a car is probably not it :-) and who you really are/want to be and your heart, mind, and work will move you in that direction and surprise you with the results. I'm not being smarmy, I've lived it and seen it happen to others over and over.

[Yismymindblank12]

Maybe this is what happens when you're confined into a socially isolated spot. You don't know what's real you just get mad expecting a different response. It's really warped my mind forced into routine feeling like a caged rat living my days on a jog wheel fed bread crumbs. It's like I don't know what to feel. It's like everyone and everything isn't real. I'm sorry my behavior is going out of control.

It's a persistent fear of a constant helplessness that is not perceived and I don't want to be alive I I can't enjoy anything. So I have to avoid people to protect myself when I'm going down in a spiral these may last from months weeks years so on. Ik how to get out but I need to finish draining my anger.

I went off on everyone because my mind fools me very well they're not real people human and they only exist to inflict mental constrain and torture it's why I question if I'm a paranoid schizophrenic it can happen anywhere and frequently if it gets bad enough. So much so I wont recognize anyone ik they would all feel like imposters of something darker. It's so strange it happens everywhere. It's associated with hallucinations. Auditory and visual. I found out my therapist is sewing me, that I panic ked knowing I need to see a therapist for definitely the rest of my life I need a support system I have none basically. Nothing supportive and it's aggravated these paranoid false realities that self inflict my relationships and sabotage everything. If you had yourself you'd know what I mean. Ik it doesn't excise it. I just get angry out of fear.

I know this feeling all too well. During most of my young adult life, I struggled and suffered needlessly at the hands of an emotionally abusive mother that I had to rely on for financial support because I was too mentally unstable to hold a regular job because of her abuse along with my bipolar. The only reason why she was supporting me in the first place is because her health was failing and she used and pushed everybody else out of her life so I'm all she had left.

Then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer which made both of our lives a living hell. She would lash out at me and drain what money that I did earn on my own and would constantly threaten me by saying things like "I'll tell my doctors that you're making my health fail and they can legally lock you up", "I'll call the police and say that you assaulted me and press charges", or "you're shortening my lifespan by being mean to me" if I didn't bend to her will and practically worship her.

It got so bad that I was strongly considering becoming a thief or a drug dealer just to get the money for the help that I needed. I was alone and had nobody and I couldn't get help because I had no insurance, no visible income, and the public mental health clinics couldn't get me a decent therapist or resources that I desperately needed. The way I figured it is if I didn't get caught I could finally be happy and healthy and if I did get caught, I would finally have a viable excuse to kill myself. The only thing that stopped me from going down that path was a relative reaching out to me after she finally died and offering to help me.

Oh and I hated everyone and would frequently wish that a major apocalypse would happen to "purge" humanity so that nature can take over. I was also a hardcore goth back in those days and would idolize death and suffering. I felt this way because I had nobody to show me love and I thought that everybody was evil and selfish.

I feel your pain man. You'll find a way to survive and thrive even if you have to do something questionable to get the help you so desperately need.

[connect.the.stars]

I start saying things that make no sense when I have isolated myself for long periods of time as well. I think it is our brains way of hoping someone will notice us and how we are really not doing so well by saying something outrageous. I'm really sorry for all the pain and suffering you are going through right now

[cloudyn808]

So sorry you're having a hard time. I don't have any insight because my parents threw me onto the street at age 12 and never let me come home again. Being hungry, cold and alone is horrible, I would have done anything to simply have a warm bed to sleep in.

[avlady]

i also hope things get better for you. you are not in a good place right now, i know the feeling. it almost made me cry to see someone else having a hard time like i am right this moment. i hope you feel better soon.

[Fuzzybear]