[Aracela]

Before I start writing my story, I always notice that I don't reply to comments quick enough on this forum, and I apologize for that.

Back to my story.
I notice that it's not exactly a condition, because it's more like a protective mechanism I have. I have a lot of trust issues, which causes me to spit out white lies, and sometimes really big lies.

For example, I never let anyone know the real me, the me I was til now. The angry and emotionally distraught child I was til now. I fear that if they found out my identity, I will be riducled and bullied just like how I was in elememtary up til high school. But now I am constantly worrying that someone will find out about my lies, making the cycle repeat itself again.

Yet for some reason, my lies keep on getting bigger and bigger. Making me pray that they will just forget about me, and not notice that I existed for them. I really want to stop...because I know this will just cause me even more pain... I just want everyone to forget about me...

[Thunder Bow]

Therapy may help you break that cycle. It is indeed based in Fear.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Aracela: Yes, I understand something of this. For me, it's not that I prevaricate, but throughout my life, I have just done one stupid and / or embarrassing or hurtful thing after another. I sincerely believe that anyone who really knew me would not want to have anything to do with me. So I save them the trouble. I have made the conscious decision to simply keep to myself. I avoid all social contact to the greatest extent possible. I often say it is my gift to the world. I just want to be forgotten by everyone...

[Aracela]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Aracela: Yes, I understand something of this. For me, it's not that I prevaricate, but throughout my life, I have just done one stupid and / or embarrassing or hurtful thing after another. I sincerely believe that anyone who really knew me would not want to have anything to do with me. So I save them the trouble. I have made the conscious decision to simply keep to myself. I avoid all social contact to the greatest extent possible. I often say it is my gift to the world. I just want to be forgotten by everyone...

I know exactly how you feel, especially because of my traumatic childhood of being bullied and in turn bullied one of my friend. I've become so afraid of people in general...that I am deathly afraid of my recent friends will find out what a troubling child I was. I ran away from my friends who were there for me in high school because I felt like I didn't deserve their friendship. I never want them to know anything about my life before I met them, so I tried so hard to hide it.

I've become so afraid yet my personality is the opposite of what I am actually feeling. I do have a bubbly like personality, I laugh a lot and can easily create a conversation with other people, but at the same time I am so scared of them. Scared of what they really think of me, scared of their hatred or pity towards me...I don't know how to stop this feeling...

[Sober4life]

Therapy or a self help book if your afraid to see a threapist