How do others cope?

I have been told by my therapist that I have never allowed myself to grieve since my mother's death in 7/07. Simply because I have never cried over her death. My mother, my aunt, and my grandmother were all my heroes and mentors. I have never shed a tear after their deaths. Does that make me heartless? I just feel we will meet again one day. My mother was my protector and best friend all my life. I prefer to have fond memories instead of tears.

When I begin to feel overwhelmed, I usually call my son. He can reassure me and calm me. When I have gotten confused (due to Fibromyalgia and the foggy brain issues) and forgot where I was going and how to get there. He calmly explained it all to me and then put a GPS in my car with my normal stops already programmed. This does prevent panicking.

I often fake happiness for the benefit of my children and grandchildren. I don't want to worry them or cause them grief. My son can tell, I hide in the kitchen and cook.

Hi bddouglas, Is there some conflict between wanting to remember your loved ones with fond memories and feeling so sad that you feel like you have to fake happiness for others?

When I fake happiness is usually those times in life when the family wants to attend local events and/or parades. Those times then put me in a completely different frame of mind....my GAD and SAD hit all time highs. I try not to let the young ones notice. Though, my only grandson (he'll be 7 on the 11th) is pretty astute. He has caught me looking around and asked me who I was looking for. I spend so much time with my grandchildren, I never want to let my sadness, moodiness, depression, or anxiety to interfere with their lives.

People grieve differently. I'm not sure if you have to cry to grieve. My father died when I was 12 and he was only 44. I never cried. I think I was in shock. I just felt numb. I didn't know he was dying, nobody told me. There was so much tragedy relating to his life and death, that dealing with it has been a never ending theme between my mother and my sisters and me. Mom did not handle it well. So, it seems like I should have really cried, to grieve for my father. But, even after all these years, I never did. Maybe I never really grieved either.

I cry like crazy over other things. When my grandparents died, at ripe old ages, I didn't cry either, and I loved them very much. I felt like they had gotten to live long lives and they passed. I felt glad I had gotten to know them and enjoyed them.

When other people are upset because their pet died or a loved one passed at an old age, I feel a numbness, although I act like I really feel for them. I do feel for them, but I just can't equate it to the fact that I had a father, who was so tragic, and I was so totally meaningless and abandoned.

Is it the physical act of crying you feel you ought to have done? One need not shed tears to grieve - and it sounds like you've been doing just that.

As for faking our emotions I think that is just a way of protecting ourselves emotionally.