[bddouglas]

I have been told by my therapist that I have never allowed myself to grieve since my mother's death in 7/07. Simply because I have never cried over her death. My mother, my aunt, and my grandmother were all my heroes and mentors. I have never shed a tear after their deaths. Does that make me heartless? I just feel we will meet again one day. My mother was my protector and best friend all my life. I prefer to have fond memories instead of tears.

When I begin to feel overwhelmed, I usually call my son. He can reassure me and calm me. When I have gotten confused (due to Fibromyalgia and the foggy brain issues) and forgot where I was going and how to get there. He calmly explained it all to me and then put a GPS in my car with my normal stops already programmed. This does prevent panicking.

I often fake happiness for the benefit of my children and grandchildren. I don't want to worry them or cause them grief. My son can tell, I hide in the kitchen and cook.

[*Laurie*]

Hi bddouglas, Is there some conflict between wanting to remember your loved ones with fond memories and feeling so sad that you feel like you have to fake happiness for others?

[bddouglas]

When I fake happiness is usually those times in life when the family wants to attend local events and/or parades. Those times then put me in a completely different frame of mind....my GAD and SAD hit all time highs. I try not to let the young ones notice. Though, my only grandson (he'll be 7 on the 11th) is pretty astute. He has caught me looking around and asked me who I was looking for. I spend so much time with my grandchildren, I never want to let my sadness, moodiness, depression, or anxiety to interfere with their lives.

[TishaBuv]

People grieve differently. I'm not sure if you have to cry to grieve. My father died when I was 12 and he was only 44. I never cried. I think I was in shock. I just felt numb. I didn't know he was dying, nobody told me. There was so much tragedy relating to his life and death, that dealing with it has been a never ending theme between my mother and my sisters and me. Mom did not handle it well. So, it seems like I should have really cried, to grieve for my father. But, even after all these years, I never did. Maybe I never really grieved either.

I cry like crazy over other things. When my grandparents died, at ripe old ages, I didn't cry either, and I loved them very much. I felt like they had gotten to live long lives and they passed. I felt glad I had gotten to know them and enjoyed them.

When other people are upset because their pet died or a loved one passed at an old age, I feel a numbness, although I act like I really feel for them. I do feel for them, but I just can't equate it to the fact that I had a father, who was so tragic, and I was so totally meaningless and abandoned.

Is it the physical act of crying you feel you ought to have done? One need not shed tears to grieve - and it sounds like you've been doing just that.

As for faking our emotions I think that is just a way of protecting ourselves emotionally.