[pinkvilla]

Recently I got over the pain of a breakup which I carried around from a long time ago. I'm still sad thinking that it did not work out,how he moved on so quickly etc. Therapy helped to finally heal the wounds.

I am married now to another person and feel that the marriage is not working out. It feels like I am going through 2 breakups at the same time. Is one affecting the other since I have zero interest in making amends in my marriage and am in a numb state.

I do not know what step to take now.I feel stuck in life.How do I proceed from here? Did letting go of the breakup pain expose me to the reality of my marriage or am I too sad to think of my marriage and accepting the fact that my ex will never come back in my life?? Can someone offer an opinion about this??

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by pinkvilla

Recently I got over the pain of a breakup which I carried around from a long time ago. I'm still sad thinking that it did not work out,how he moved on so quickly etc. Therapy helped to finally heal the wounds.

I am married now to another person and feel that the marriage is not working out. It feels like I am going through 2 breakups at the same time. Is one affecting the other since I have zero interest in making amends in my marriage and am in a numb state.

I do not know what step to take now.I feel stuck in life.How do I proceed from here? Did letting go of the breakup pain expose me to the reality of my marriage or am I too sad to think of my marriage and accepting the fact that my ex will never come back in my life?? Can someone offer an opinion about this??

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What is it that you are needing to make ammends for in your marriage?

[pinkvilla]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What is it that you are needing to make ammends for in your marriage?

I feel like there is no love left in the marriage and I'm just so disheartened that the marriage is failing too.We argue often about daily activities and it drives me crazy .Also think I don't love my husband. I just jumped into marriage with all the depression going on with my ex.I did not know what I needed from marriage and was just glad to cover up my breakup pain with a random marriage and I feel like I'm waking up now to reality.

It 'd have been so much better if I was in love with my spouse,when finally saying goodbye to my breakup pain.Feels like there is no happiness for me in life.

I know what a separation is for I am going through one myself and a divorce. It takes often two years to go from being a couple to becoming single again. I don't mean being unmarried and available. I mean knowing who you are as a person. Once having been married your interests change. You don't have the same ones before you were married and single. That is often why they say wait two years to know what you really want before getting involved in another relationship. I am still going through the process. Too many people say just get over it. They are clueless of the pain of separation and the anxiety and inner turmoil one goes through. It is a healing process, it takes time often longer than we want it to take. I recommend that you talk to a marriage counselor. It sounds like quite possibly your letting go of the first marriage still needs some inner healing for the second one to move forward. Work on it with a therapist. Don't be too quick to give up on the one you are in. Feelings often trap us and deceive us. It will be worth working through. tc

When I broke up 6wks ago from my greatest love all sort of grief went through my mind and heart - including that of the previous relationship. That one had ended rather suddenly with little explanation. The breakup of the current relationshio dragged up memories of the other. Certainly a big part of it was feeling that there was something wrong with me in that I coudn't maintain a relationship. I cried and cried remembering grief over the first as well as the second. Even though I no longer had feelings for the first I just never had proper closure and I guess I still had pent up feelings of annoyance and hurt.

Does this sound familiar? I don't think there is anything wrong with grieving both relationships but if you are pining for the first you have a problem on your hands. Do you feel responsible for the break up of the first? Do you feel responsible for the state of the current?

I think you need to consider how your life may have been enriched by the break up of the first relationship. That will give you closure as well as provide you with some validation for being in the second.

[PianogirlPlays]

Sometimes I think I might be better off with someone I dated before and then I have to remember the ways that wasn't working and would not have worked in the long run. I also have to deal sometimes with my rather high standards in my present relationship. I then also have to remember the carried pain from the terrible fathering I had. Mother was rather hard too. The needs that have been unmet. The carried baggage. The rather destructive path I used to be on. We all have to work so hard at it.