Just split with Husband ....

Hello all. Some of you know me already on here and know that I have been going through some things mentally where I am just not happy. I love my husband and do not want to lose him, but yesterday I made a decision that I need my space. I am looking for any guidance or insight on if I am making a mistake. Please help.

My husband is not growing. He is 36 years old and still does not know how to take care of bills, save money or be responsible. I have been telling him for the last 2 years that I need more out of this relationship. We have been together for 10 years, but I no longer wish to be married to a 20 year old immature young adult. We have conversed about my wishes for an adult relationship but its just not happening. He never and i mean NEVER tells me his thoughts, wishes, desires or anything related to his emotions. I sometimes feel like Im left in the dark. I am feeling that I need a Man. 2 years is to long for me to wait to see if he grows. Finding myself not willing to participate anymore in something where I feel stuck and cant move forward.

Any thoughts would be great.

Hi, I'm not sure if I can at all be helpful. As a hermit, though, if I had someone to love who loved me, I'd be delirious with happiness. Even if he lacked day to day skills. I'm definitely not perfect either. Finding out more and more about that with every passing hour lately. Anyway, I think it's possibly a trait with many men that they don't talk about their feelings. My one and only friend, for example, will talk about work, and sometimes a book or movie. But he rarely says how anything feels. Sorry I couldn't be of any help but that's my 2¢. I wish you the best of luck.

Would he agree to get into counseling with you? If not, go for yourself; that is the best advice I can give. He will either change, or he won't and you will have to decide how much longer you will stay with him. What you have now, is a parent-child relationship, but I am sure you know that.

Changing someone when they don't want to change is a frustrating thing. I have no advice, just my own personal thoughts. Seems like you know what you want, and this is just not that easy
Leaving seems a lot more responsible than to try and force him to change - IF he doesn't see any reason for himself to grow (If he is comfortable as it is - why should he?)
Another scenario I could think of: What if you stopped taking care of him while you two are still together? What if he was forced to take care of himself without you guys splitting up?

NEVER tells me his thoughts, wishes, desires or anything related to his emotion - perhaps he is like me and has none, I was born that way, and I don't feel I am losing out in any way. My wife finds this hard to take but I make great curry and that tips the balance in my favour.

Despite his immaturity, is he at all supportive?

I know this sounds 'hokey' but I think you need to sit down with a pen and paper and draw out a few lists. Perhaps EVIDENCE FOR Vs EVIDENCE AGAINST the relationship being workable. And of course a list about ADVANTAGES TO LEAVING Vs ADVANTAGES TO NOT LEAVING.

I've been using such strategies for a while now. They not only help me in my decision making (specifically that I don't act rashly) but give me comfort that I have chosen what's best for me.

Again, it sounds absolutely silly; but, you have nothing to lose by trying it.

We have tried that. Didnt work. This has been going on 3 years now .... seems like it was the last resort. If it works great as I love him deeply... if it doesnt... at least I can move forward instead of staying stuck. He will be free to do what ever he wishes. Thats the only way I see it at the moment. Trying to be as adult as one can in a situation like this. 10 Years is a long time with lots of good times too.

According to you, he lacks basic budgeting skills and is bad at communicating.

If that's all, and unless you haven't told us everything, all I can say is that I've seen worse.

If you're not happy with this person then why are you wasting your time? Why insist on something that you know is not going to work?

My opinion is: it's best for you and for him if you both go your own ways.

Because that is just it. He is a wonderful person... but he drives me nuts and stresses me out with his lack of effort and such laid back mindset that he doesnt take it upon himself to get himself motivated. He is a loving person.. and that Is why I am hopeful. I still love him.

Have tried lowering your expectations of him? About those things? Just let him be himself. If his immaturity is causing serious problems, do as suggested above, seek counseling.

Don't divorce without working with a professional or two .

" I love my husband and do not want to lose him,"

You said it all right there. You don't want to end this. It sounds like you just want him to be a better communicator and more financially responsible.

Is he putting you both in debt?

Ok, what did u see in him when u first got together? Was he like this when u were dating? and what prompted u to marry him in the first place?

Yes. As mentioned, this has been going on for 3 years. We have discussed it to great length. I have tried to just let him be. Didnt work. We talk... alot, Not helping. We have gone to therapy. This seems like the last option. Hopefully space will give him a chance to grow. If not... then I can move on and grow.
Sounds a bit selfish... but right now this is what I need. It is super hard.

I dont want to lose him. I have given a third of my life to him. Been together a long time to just throw it away.... but at the same time... been together a long time ... if it´s not working for him he has to have the courage to tell me. That is what the big problem is.. I have no idea where he is in this marriage.

When we first got together he showed me a world I could of never imagined. I fell inlove with the "inlove" feeling that lasted for a very long time.... about 7 years. Then.... all of the sudden it was gone. Just gone. After the first year of missing that we talked. Second year... talked. now three years later of no spark, no electricity, no communication, no aspirations, no goals, no fire not anything... I am seriously questioning how he is coping when I know I am going insane.

That sounds important to me

i would seek counseling too.