If it's really not about me why does it feel like it is?

I had broke no contact with someone who had been lying to me for 6 months. Led me to believe he was single when he's been engaged the whole time. I had been 4 months no contact but i guess i wanted to feel that happy feeling he once gave me. began contacting him again only for him to give me the cold shoulder so i told him off!!! And afterwards i still feel like i had to force it out of him ( an admittance) that he was getting married and i told him he was a coward and couldn't even apologize. I can clearly see he's getting married in May by the things his fiancé posts online. i got an apology and i asked why did you lie to me for 6 months stringing me along in a fake relationship? All he could say was he was sorry. I said you cant be because you lead me on 6 months! Not a one night stand... 6 MONTHS of i love you's even took me places and bought me things!!! I feel like since i found the truth on my own he only apologized because he can no longer dupe me. Please give me some thoughts!!! Is his apology sincere? Or a way to get rid of me since he knows he can't lie about getting married anymore? Clearly he's the liar but i feel like a thrown out piece of crap!!!!

Omg! So he carried on a serious relationship with you while being engaged? How did he pulled that off?

You two went places and where was she then? Wouldn't she suspect in 6 months? Like if he is unavailable for her on the weekends because he is on a date with you? Or he wouldn't come home at night? I can't even imagine?

I assume in 6 months you have been to his house and wasn't he scared she'll come over? Or were there any feminine things at his place?

And you didn't notice that he isn't available for you, like not staying over night etc? Or not answering the phone?

Are they long distance? That's the only way I can imagine he could lie. I am engaged. I can't imagine how my fiancée or I would be in a relationship with someone else on the side without other person being suspicious .

I know people have affairs. But I can't imagine having full blown relationship with two people at the same time and nobody even wonders what's going on.

Of course it's not sincere apology. What a messed up jerk. I have hard time understanding how can one manage such nonsense for 6 months!!! He is a con artist!

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He was able to pull it off because he was an otr truck driver. Also, he never invited me to his place which is why i started snooping on his family members pages on facebook. This is how i found out he was lying. When he never invitee me over and started breaking dates and I couldn't get a straight answer out of him i went digging on my own to find out what was going on...which was the fiance. Also, he stayed some nights with me and he always answered his phone BUT keep in mind he was in the road most of the time so he was available to answer the phone

Oh I see! I didn't think of the line of work when he is on the road. I am wondering if you should tell his fiancée. I would certainly want to know if I was her. I would not marry this jerk. I feel horrible for you but at least you are free off this cheater but imagine poor woman has no clue! She is going to marry this liar!!!

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I did tell her. I told her that the nights she thought he was off working in another state he was probably with me and vice versa. I just told her the facts I wasn't rude or anything but i wanted her to know he's a liar. Well she pretty much told me to get lost so either she thinks I'm making it up or she thinks he's the best thing that's happened to her. But as you say this is a pure con artist/sociopath the way he lies so i'm sure he lied his way out of it and of she'd believe him over me. I even told her about his online dating profile gave her the screen name and all but guess what...he is STILL on there!!!!

Wow that's really crappy of him to do. I don't think he is being sincere, because if he really cared about your feelings, he wouldn't have led you on like that in the first place.

Of course I don't know him, and he may have been a really sweet guy when you were out on dates with him. But if a guy says "I love you" to two girls, with both of them completely unaware, and already being in a committed relationship, who is the one really getting the best of both worlds? He is. He just wanted the pleasure of two women, even if it meant hurting someone (you) in the long run. He probably hasn't told his fiance and probably won't ever have the nerve to. It's disgustingly selfish and really pisses me off.

You are not a piece of crap, but you were treated that way. Whether or not he wants to "get rid of you", I wish you the courage to leave him yourself and not stand for it. I know you miss the I love you's, and the dates, but you deserve that from someone who really does love you, and not from a married man who wants a girl on the side.

He can get lost. What a creep. Be happy you are not the one marrying this jerk

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You are right...if only i can get past taking it personal.

I've learned over the years (even doing business with people) if they don't give you straight answers of say things that sound iffy, they are scamming & it's time to call them on it rather than continue with the lies.

Even my H was a jerk.......he got a letter from the IRS about back taxes that he never told me about just at the time I was taking my inheritance money & buying a farm in another state. Initially it wasn't with the intention of leaving him, but just before I got the 2nd letter from them 10 months later, I had already kicked him out of my farm I had allowed him to come to to visit to see if we could work things out.

His philosophy was, that if he didn't say anything then he wasn't lying....had absolutely no concept that withholding information was as much of a lie as blatantly saying something. I had lived with him for 33 years & fought the whole time........such a relief to get away from him....life is so peaceful now.........so now anytime I get the least bit of a shady feeling from someone, I drop them immediately & have nothing more to do with them.

He was very nice and charming in the beginning. The dates were unlike any i'd ever been on before which is why i thought he was special. He sounded sincere in the apology but all i can think is 6 months AND the only reason it wasn't longer is because i found out and confronted him. Its like my heart wants to think the apology was sincere but my brain is saying hell no its not because he strung you along!!

Wow wonderful advice. I guess my problem was i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but thAt got me no where. I just don't get why the fiance didn't have the same gut instincts i did, or maybe she did and he lied to ease it. Some of the things this guy bought me...shoes, leather coat, clothes, etc. he really made it look like genuine love.

He is an a..... It is not a reflection on you. In fact think about it, you did an awesome job by investigating and telling his fiancée and moving on and not putting up with this, he is the one who remains in this unhealthy mess and she stayed with him even though he is a cheat! They are both losers with low standards ! They should take it personally as it is a reflection on them two.

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My therapist says there is no point wasting time figuring out why people do what they do. Some people are unhealthy and no amount of figuring out will give us the answer why they do crazy things.

I was once pursued by this man I knew. It didn't develop in anything but I later discovered that this whole time he had a long term girlfriend. I asked my t why would someone pursue a woman if he already has one! And that's when she told me it is a waste time to even think "why", he is messed up, that's "why".

Don't waste another minute on this man. Be glad you are done with him. He is a cheat. So no. His apology isn't sincere. Bet you he will continue affairs after he is married

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More good advice. thanks! Nothing like a good therapist huh!? Mine also said something similar. She said "you do not want to lower your standards for this guy who is "mentally sick" she said he gets a thrill out of doing the things he does. She's right...very right. She also said "you are not the first one he's done this to and you won't be the last". I also hear that if someone cheats before the wedding they will cheat afterwards too. So logically i know better but my heart hurts right now. He even had the nerve to say he wants to continue to call me to be there for me. What a crock of crap i guess thats his way of saying he wants to be friends with benefits

Gee. Really now. Be there for you? Like you need him! What a crock of sh....


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I am sorry you are going through this.

He seemed sincere all along but wasn't. Why would his apology be sincere? If it is sincere in any way, it is only in that he is sorry only for himself that you found out. Now you are feeding into his dysfunctional ego by contacting him. It's a selfish game for him and now he knows he still has you hooked. Unfortunately, there are many people (of both sexes) that are like that. It never ends well. And you can bet the story he is telling his fiance and family does not make you out as an unwitting, innocent party to this . . . he is doing a character assassination on you. Anything to make himself look like the victim in this.

Who cares if the man apologizes and is sincere? He is a man of zero integrity and you are by far the winner in this situation for kicking his butt to the curb. Be thankful you found out. Walk the eff away. Immediately.

Makes a lot of sense! Sometimes i feel like I'm in denial, like I can't believe someone can lie like this and be this deceitful intentionally. So i contacted him again thinking or hoping for something different and instead i got the same manipulative person. And of course i know he's lied to his fiancé about me. I have blocked him so back to no contact i go for good this time.

It's hard to comprehend some things. But some people are just messed up or just plain bad people. For no reason. Focus on living a good life and be glad you aren't the one marrying this idiot

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What we want in such cases I think is to have our feelings validated. It goes beyond an admittance of having done wrong. We want to hear we are right for feeling and thinking the way we do. "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it.

The thing is we aren't going to a shoe store to buy bread. So no point to go for validation to an a...hole. I got this from al anon book, it was talking about alcoholics but same idea

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Yeah i kinda think he only said the word sorry because i called him a lying *****, told him he doesn't deserve me, and how sad it is that he's 47 and incapable of an apology so after saying all that i got "sorry" i went on and on about everything he did to hurt me and he just kept saying sorry. He sighed one time!!!! Then said i'll have to call you back I can't talk to you when you're mad at me so i hung up went online to my cell phone carriers website and blocked him. The sorry's and the sigh he gave...lame And SUPER uncaring

yes he is a con artist

Yes he is. With the online dating site he uses it displays an "online now" when he's online. I would see him online and text him a hi how are you on his phone because i know he uses that site from his phone and sometimes he would not even text me back. I guess its more of a thrill to chat with someone online who doesn't know he's a con vs responding to my text message...Since i am someone who already knows what he is.

Why are you contacting him again? You said you blocked him. So he is engaged but still on dating site?

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I was talking about contact i made before i blocked him this last time. I haven't contacted him since i blocked him. During my last contact i made with him he was still using that site.