How to calm down when angry/upset?

I have tried PC chats, but it seems that a bunch of mentally ill people can't really chat all that well together.

The chat group is an anime chat group.

No one on the emotional support chat was that sick or sick at all. I don't have mental illness. It doesn't mean I don't need emotional support when upset. We were not discussing our health but just various cultural events movies etc

How old are these anime people? The only people into anime I know are some of my high school students. You might need to become more selective if these people get you that upset

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Chatango chats are bleh. Usually full of low class people. I tried chatting in one of those anime Chatangos but it just seemed like cliquey weeaboos that were irritating to try to talk to and yes I actually like anime and have probably watched more anime than the weeaboos but weeaboos on those chats are just agitating and make me feel bad about the human race. You are much better without Chatango weeaboos.

I haven't been into the chat in a few days now, ever since I blew up at those weeaboos for their behavior. It's lonely now, but I can deal. I think.

....upset again....can't think straight.

Weeaboo...that's a term I've never heard before. O_O

I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I had never been much of a chat and while I enjoy anime, I can see how people who get too obsessed and become obnoxious can hurt your enjoyment. And how sometimes it's like a drug and you need to go to this places to not be alone. I did it when I was like 15 but in person until I just couldn't anymore.

I also understand that desire that people answer your post in the forum, to get an answer, a confirmation that there is somebody there and get some help. That it hurts and annoys that a post can pass hours or even days without a single comment, but me I only skimmer or see others and try not to take it personal even when I feel like throwing up because this is a chat so we can feel the support and love and why no one is answering when others had like entire pages. I couldn't do what you did of posting and posting, I would have been terrified of being banned from the community for annoying the rest.

So about anger.

I can give you an answer for anxiety that I use, in part because part of my anxiety is pure anger at myself and my decisions and it's what I'm doing right now that I had been crying and I feel like a ragged doll in a dishwasher and afraid and hurtful in my back.

1.- Don't contain it. Say it out loud while crying, while cursing, while it passes. This is from mindfulness and compassionate abiding. What you feel is not wrong and you don't need to justify yourself what are you feeling. Bottling it up only make it worse and like everything, it will pass. Accept the pain, see it and know that you will not die or be destroyed by it. Trust me, I know that it sounds hard and it's hard. Doing it a couple of hours ago I was in so much pain and crying and I think I was going to be crazy. Know I feel tired and rung down but calm and more collected.

2.-Write it. It's what am going to do after this. Grab a notebook and put it forth with all my heart and anger and what tiredness what happened, what I felt, what were my thoughts as If I was vomiting (sorry for the analogy that you had such an unpleasant vomit but for me I always feel better after taking it all out and that's the image I think). Sometimes I burn it up and with it all the hurt and anger (I did this with the hate and later resentment I had with my father and so many that hurt me).

3.- Try to see something else. Yes I know it's the same advice other people gave you and I'm a little hypocrite because I haven't done that today since i had spent my time reading articles of "mindfulness" or "anxiety" or skimming this forum to find information or get some pats or something, but I'm going to do it after this post. Try to cut the circle of thoughts with an anime you like. I would recommend

One punch man (if you want action)
Kaffuku Graffiti (it's calm and the food scenes are gorgeous and hilarious)
Bunny Drop
himouto umaru-chan
I Can't Understand What My Husband Is Saying

I hope some of this advice was helpful and that as of right now, things are a little better. I don't know what to tell you about your mom since mine had been my pillar this year and send me to a therapist (and keep sending me) at 120 miles from our home.

As I said, I will leave this forum and try to let my mind wander. I had not eaten anything today and I need to cut this loop, so If you see I don't respond if you put a comment is because of that and I'm sorry. I hope you are better, I really do.

You are worth so much and you will find people that make you mad and hurt you even in places you believe are safe.

Be well and truly, you are not alone. This forum might take time but people here truly care for you and want to help you. We all want for you to be safer and happier.

This will come off as more so a rant than anything...and is my general outlook on the world.

No one seems to say anything more than "you're a burden" around this house. I'm beginning to think I'm nothing more than a burden to society as well. All I hear from people I interact with is that I'm an attention seeking, self pitying, immature and that I am full of excuses. I'm sick of that. I really am....it's not my fault that I'm so wounded and scared that my defenses are on automatic from years of abuse and whatnot....it's not my fault that I'm on the ASD spectrum....it's not my fault people won't believe me when I say I am on that spectrum just because I'm high functioning.

Everyone around me judges.....accuses....and is overly harsh with me to the point where I don't trust anyone anymore, and is it any real wonder why I don't? I mean, not even my own mother will bring me to my therapist appointments. What am I supposed to do when I can't even get to therapy anymore? Just sit here in this house all day expecting to magically get better?

I think people would believe you are on a spectrum if you get officially diagnosed. If you just diagnosing yourself then people don't really pay attention to it. Get official diagnosis from psychiatrist.

Have you asked other relatives to take you? Make appointment later in the day when people are off work.

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It sucks they say you are a burden. Do you contribute to the household any way possible? I'd talk to social services and get in line for subsidized housing. It is very affordable and all you need is a small one bedroom

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Artchic, maybe you can figure out a bus route to your therapist's office so you don't have to rely on others so much? I understand being told you're a burden, it really hurts. But find as many ways possible as you can do for yourself and maybe you won feel that way so much?

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Yes I tend to think the more independent you can feel the better you will feel about yourself and more self-confidence I think you will have.

Its not your fault, but it is your responsibility to do the best you can with gifts youve been given. Sometimes that means a job cleaning toilets. I used to clean the beauty shop where idid nails. One of the men in the building commented the first time that he thought a window had been left open, their bathroom smelled so fresh. I am Mensa, but i am proud of that.

Good point unaluna

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You're a Mensa member and you cleaned a beauty shop? Wow. I wish I could be considered of a high enough IQ for Mensa, but I'm afraid I'm not qualified.

Yeah, I'm pretty good with animals. I have cared for and fostered some pretty interesting dogs and even a few cats. Some came from pretty bad situations, like abuse and neglect. I know how to do some basic medical care for dogs and cats, and even care for orphaned puppies and kittens, who need special round the clock care (like bottle feedings every 3-4 hours and stimulated to go to the bathroom because they can't do so by themselves yet).

Oh, cmon artchick, something tells me you are awesome! That guy, what a turkey!

I'm ASD myself have a slew of other labels too! I started therapy at age 8 and went on and off till I was 17. Then at 32-34. I'm now 51.

I was lucky, at age 9 I started meditating through Judo. I went to class 4 days a week and at the end we would meditate.

Meditation is whatever you want it to be. You can do it lying down, sitting on a chair, sitting cross legged, waiting for a bus, etc.

Ever see something beautiful and were just in awe? Like a sunset? Rays of sunlight peaking through the trees? Watching and listening to the power of the ocean? Being on a mountain top and seeing all the beauty?

Well, if yes, you have sort of meditated. All the chatter in your head stops and you observe the moment. No commentary, no dialog in your head. In short you are "in the moment."

That is all meditation is. The practice of quieting the mind. Often when we go into nature we feel this "stillness." The opposite is the egoic mind taking over and the chatter becomes who we are, our identity. Chatter is always a projection of the future or ghosts of our past f-ing with us. But all there really is, is now, this moment.

Meditation helps us live in the moment by training our mind to be still. The more stillness we create the negative chatter slowly dies. And it gives us room to become who we really are.

Youtube has thousands of guided meditations. Just click around till you find one that feels right. Close your eyes and just focus on whatever the person is saying. Sit back and just observe your thoughts, no need to judge them or even feel them, just observe them. Notice that you are "observing" and the thoughts are not you, they are just thoughts.

Since you have such a affinity for animals. You may want to do some research about empaths. I know, another label. Empaths tend to feel close to animals. Bu the main thing is that as an Empath you create boundaries for yourself. Once you activate the observer in you you will be able to catch yourself in negative patterns and then you can redirect them. Furthermore, once you start noticing your patterns you can put a boundary on yourself, in order to protect yourself.

You might want to lurk around here.

The Empath Community - Are you an Empath?

This one is to cheer you up!



It's edited from this:



Here's a guided meditation I am doing now. Hope it brings you some peace.



LOVE!

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the videos and links. I always suspected I was an Empath.

It seems to me you are. You are quick to open your heart and let people in. I personally think that is awesome! I just think you need to be more aware of your patterns.

Being open hearted is a beautiful thing. But it also lends itself to over believing in people. With that said, empaths tend to ignore red flags. The thinking being, love can overcome all obstacles. Which I think is a beautiful thought. But not everyone subscribes to that belief. So that's where the boundaries on yourself comes in. When you feel red flags, don't ignore them. It means it's time to pull back a little. Typically and empath will do the opposite. We double down our bets and go for it even more. This can sometimes lead to disastrous results and moreover pain and suffering for the empath.

If you feel you are an empath you owe it to yourself to check out that forum. Read what others are saying. I am sure you will find some solace there.

Here's good reference to start with.

The Empath's Commandments - The Empath Community

Be well!

I have no suggestions on handling anger. My T never offered any. I think an eye for an eye sounds good when someone gets their jollies off of harming you.

Gandhi famously said, " An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

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Perhaps. But then we will all be on equal footing and no one will have an unfair advantage.

I was mad and upset the other day.
I searched for a guided mindfulness exercise that might calm me.
I found what I needed at the University of VT.
When done with the exercise, I did another one.
When done with that one I had the thoughts, "they are feelings, they will change. Do not feed them, you will be okay."
It took awhile, but It changed.
I felt an emotional hangover, but I was okay.

A few years ago, I had a job where I didn't work in the winter, and I got way too involved with online chat rooms. The more time I spent in them, the more I saw who was "in charge"...who decided the other persons' "worth". It became quite devastating when the person in charge booted me out of the room just because he didn't like what I said. It got where it was really upsetting me. Finally, I realized these are not people I know or even like. They are almost virtual, in a way. I gave them way too much power over my life. I decided to just get out of the chat rooms. I would suggest the same. These people DO NOT MATTER to your life or your self esteem. Put yourself back into the real world and connect with people one on one. Good luck!

GingerBrandy makes good sense. Chatrooms are a high school hierarchy. They just cause misery to everyone except the kid on top.

Seesaw

Mindfulness meditation has been a life saver for me. The practice has improved numerous areas of my life, including my quick temper. I highly recommend this method to anyone attempting to deal with emotions.

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