I am feeling like I can't go on today

That's it. Just feel unequipped to handle the stress and pressure of life, decisions, failures, fears. The usual.

I have worked hard in a lot of different therapies, meds, courses, etc. in the past and made incremental, off and on improvement. But all is back now, and truth be told, I don't want to go on living. Not even if there are some uptimes (and there are precious few).

I have a family. That sense of responsibility and guilt is all that keeps me here, and the fear of ending things finally.

I feel thoroughly miserable today, and it seems I've forgotten the myriad of techniques and to-dos from DBT therapy and coping mechanisms. I guess that's one reason I'm posting here - to vent and as a first step, acknowledging some of the problems. Perhaps I'll soon be able to pause and be mindful that I'm just here right now, I'm all right, and maybe I can do the next right thing and not ruminate on the entire past and future and try to boil the ocean at once.

Your personal journey is a lifelong process. Remember that and try your best to meditate on the fact that you have made steps forward, no matter how small they seem.

Vent, complain, air your feelings here, do whatever you can to help yourself in this moment and try not to think about yesterday or tomorrow (very hard at times, I know).

There are good guided meditations on Youtube. A longer one (20-30 minutes) gives you brain time to adjust to focusing and can remove you from a depressed fog, even if it is only temporary.

Best of luck. Imagine your body glowing with a warm golden light around it and tell yourself, "I am love, I am capable, I am everything I need to be right now."

I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. I agree with the practise of mindfulness. Perhaps you can find a distraction to the rumination (always the worst for me).

Admitting you feel overwhelmed is a first good step. Can you pull out the old DBT exercises you used to do and start them over? There are some great DBT workbooks on Amazon. Could you order one and get to work on feeling better? I know I feel better about how bad I feel if I at least have a plan of action on how I'm going to get myself well.

(Hugs))
Seesaw

Thank you Seesaw.

Part of me knows this is something I'll need to do, but doesn't want to...I guess because it seemed to have marginal benefit, and under the circumstances, be a lot of difficult mental/emotional work requiring time and effort (and this was in individual and group therapy for it). I know anything worth doing requires work. I probably need to make a decision to just get over it and start working in a concerted effort on my recovery again.

I feel exhausted, but I'll take this to heart and take the first step this weekend...which is just getting out the book and starting on a worksheet or something (can't believe as an educated adult, I have to do this I'll admit). It feels humiliating.