[Aviza]

I really feel like my family doesn't think I'm human. I'm supposed to be this perfect person, doing everything the way they want me to, the way they expect me to act. Which is really my fault. When I was molested at age 7, I didn't want anyone to know. I played a role in my life of the perfect child. I controlled my behavior to please my parents, and be as close to perfect as I could possibly act.

Of course it was not easy and I was not always successful. But I my family was shocked when I turned 19, and starting speaking my mind, not kowtowing to their demands. From than on one progressive disaster after another. Because I never spend my youth learning things I should have learned, I was trying too hard to live up some unattainable ideal.

Now here I am 42 years old. Alone, financially ruined forever, family who is sick and tired of me not living up to their ideals. And unable to cope with the realities and hardships of life. Hope has died. I cannot get anywhere, I will never achieve anything I desired to achieve. I'm just really wavering these days, keep trying or just pull the plug and end this miserable existence.

My gas money is going to maxi pads, because I'm basically bleeding to death slowly. I don't know how I'll survive in any way shape or form. I'm tired of trying to.

[BrazenApogee]

I know what it's like to not feel human. (((hugs))) You Are a person. It's ok to be You.

[Nimitri]

I'm so sorry that you feel like that. That you have so manyproblems. I hope, I hope this place can function as your haven, as a way to achieve some peace. To help you.

I'm sorry if I intrude, but might I ask, Why do you feel that you are financially ruined forever? That no dream will ever be fulfilled? I guess for me I felt better venting this feelings out aloud in a place that I knew will never connect to me and for that, safe. To let it out when you have no other person to speak about them. Might i help?

[Aviza]

3 closed bank accounts because of damage from ex con. Despite bankruptcy I can't open a descent bank account. Can't even get a credit card after bankruptcy. I filed bankruptcy in 2007 when I went crazy. Immediately after card invites, car loan invites, etc. Now nothing. Nothing even when I try, refused.

He killed my credit worthiness. He took over my online accounts and tripled or more my balances. By making fraud payments and immediately withdrawing cash. I reported it. No recourse. I'm left being held responsible. He did things while I was asleep. I had no idea until I saw my credit report.

[melmyers1107]

i have no cell phone no car no bank account and it is actually quite freeing at times. all of that stuff got me to be an addict/alcoholic in the first place. Maybe try just sitting outside for 2 hours and observing nature. One of my counselors told me that and it actually worked. Plus I got vitamin d!

[divine1966]

Why you are saying its forever? My fiancée had bankruptcy ( also primarily ex's doing) and he is surviving, we aren't rich but comfortable and he pays alimony to his ex who refuses to work. He pays for everything with debit card and cash, he gas a credit card but for emergency only. But he has no problem financing a car. Not even That high of interest. You can recover from bankruptcy. If it was 2007 then it's been 9 years, it should be clearing right now. After 9 years you should be able to move on

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