Can You Admit to Feelings of Hostility?

Can anyone else admit to having feelings of hostility towards others, and now regret those feelings?

Can you look back and see that you are less hostile now than you have been in the past? What has helped you in this regard?

It's something that I've been working on. I'd like to get to the point where I don't feel anger at all. All I have are painful memories of the times that I've been angry.

I see I'm really talking about 2 subjects. Anger and hostility. They are usually experienced together, in my case, and I'd like to get rid of both.

I can think of numerous occasions when my anger and/or hostility made the situation worse (usually by creating enemies, or just creating the desire in others to retaliate), but literally no times when it was beneficial.

Yeah I can relate. Learning to stop and breathe deeply while counting to 10 can help. So u can compose ur thoughts in a calm manner b4 responding, also depending on the type of relationship...it can be helpful to sit down and talk to the person about how their behaviours make you feel...using non accusatory language, calm manner, and validating their thoughts and feelings while asking for some kind of compromise or agreed upon boundaries...basically defuse the situation before it builds...obviously some ppl and situations that is not for..like confronting your boss unless they are open to constructive criticism or ....a situation like some jack off at the bar/ other stranger.obviously not gonna talk about anything productively. And sometimes the best thing to do is simply turnaround and walk away. If the person try to follow you, firmly bit calmly inform them you need sometime alone, and will speak with them at a later time or date...or if they are a stranger just breathe n kero walking..they are unlikely to follow u far. Hope that's a helpful start.

I don't have a hot temper, per se, but I've certainly felt anger towards others and myself.

Anger management classes and therapy can help explore the root of your anger and ways to properly channel those emotions. I don't know that it is possible to completely get rid of hostile feelings. I think a therapist could answer that question.

Try to remember how we feel isn't always within our control. It's our actions that matter and we can learn to control our actions. My pdoc recommends a safe way to express anger by punching a pillow or screaming into it.

I think anger is a normal reaction in some situations, it's how we deal with it that's important to our wellbeing and relationships.

It all depends on the situation as to how best to deal with these feelings. Sometimes disclosure to the other party can be helpful (when in a calmer state), and explaining the reasons behind your feelings. Self monitoring can also be helpful, exploring the physical reactions as they happen and being aware of them.

Well, one only needs to read over my own posts to see that I cycle in and out of irritability and hostility.

I believe it stems from frustration at the inability to control a situation or what is going on around us. In my experience factors like fiddling with my medication and PTSD triggers that lead me towards it.

Try to concentrate on what is positive and what you can control. I'm one for making lists of evidence for and against factors affecting my life. The comparison helps to look at the reality of a situation - and problem solve it out.

Hope this helps.

That's a difficult one for me. I grew up in a family and church where any sign of perceived weakness was preyed upon with delight.

Could that possibly be partly why you experience anger/hostility? Bottled up emotions/not wanting others to think of you as weak perhaps?

Could be.... I'm not sure who to believe when it comes to theories about how to deal honestly with anger/hostility.

I'm leaning more toward the idea that when one is angry, one is making judgments about situations... The CBT model, basically. So, in this model, there is no need to express your reasoning (the messages you tell yourself, and/or the judgments you make) to anyone else... it's more about being honest with oneself. Correct the incorrect messages and judgments, and there will be no reason for anger- according to the CBT model.

For me, it's messages I tell myself with the word "must" in them. For example: sometimes it's the assumption that I must be able to handle every situation without it ever affecting my emotions, at all. If my emotions do become an issue, then that's intolerable, and I've failed. I must not fail. (so, not only am I angry at someone else, I'm also angry at myself because of my failure to handle the situation perfectly).

I think another one is, "no one must ever see that he has 'gotten to me', or even suggest that he has 'gotten to me', if he does, I've failed."

Irrational aggression has been a consistent component of my manic episodes for 26 years, and yes, I did feel terrible about it. I competed on my college TKD team in large part to have a sanctioned opportunity to aggress, and I always felt bad after contact matches.

Would you say you're getting better in this respect? Less irrational aggression?

Nope, I regret to inform that I'm definitely getting worse.

I found that I am less angry now than I used to be....so time is one thing.

When I had children, I looked at my dad differently. Growing up he had an explosive temper and I remember what it did to me. So I made the decision to be careful and not be him. It's like constant vigilance.

I have learned to just give it time..a day or two to let the emotions settle. So that means that you really have to recognize situations that cause you to be upset.

It is tough. I wish I had an answer...

I read recently that anger is our emotional sentinel...the feeling that prowls around on the outside ready to jump in and protect us. Since I struggle with anger issues myself, once I started thinking about anger as my protector, i wasn't as afraid of it any more. I still get pissed off and frustrated but it's no where near as bad as it was.

I rarely blow up on people but I still feel hostile to some people. I actually can't see what's so wrong with it. As long as I manage to keep it from spilling over on innocent people. I would never feel ashamed of feeling hostile even if I probably would not openly admit to it because for some reason other people think one is a bad person for having feelings.

i have hostilitty towards my family (all of them)

after all they've put me through, i think they deserve it.

the problem: they can't accept it. i've even managed to come out and say to them, " i hate you", but they don't seem to mind.. i think to be honest they have more important stuff to worry about

Do you avoid them? Do you find you must spend time with them?

we've not spoken in 12 years

a lot of it has to do with the fact that as a family, they were abusive to me growing up and contributed a lot to my MI, but the other part is them not wanting someone with mental illness in their lives- and acording to them, i've all ready failed society.

the only time they talk to me now is when they are angry and take it out on me- usually something that's out of my control... like the washing machine will break, and they start hurling abuse at me- even though i don't even live near them

I'd like to do away with anger altogether. All I remember is the pain it's caused me. I'm okay with admitting that people are doing something that I don't like, and talking to them rationally about it. But, to actually allow myself to get upset and blow up at people.... it just does more harm than good.

I'd like to amend my last post slightly:

I'd like to do away with anger altogether. All I remember is the pain it's caused me. I'm okay with admitting that people are doing something that I don't like, and talking to them rationally about it- when it is to my advantage to do so. But, to actually allow myself to get upset and/or blow up at people.... it just does more harm than good.

I have resentment and anger but no regrets for feeling that way. The people I'm angry with deserve it. My anger has not dissipated. If anything, it has grown with every passing day that the people who betrayed me do not confess and try to make amends. Even though it's hard to make amends for destroying someone else's life. They could have tried but chose not to.

Hi! I myself have been hostile (and have definitely felt anger!). Especially in the last few years, due to my own personal situation. But I wanted to change this. I have come to realize that I can be reactive. Which to me, means impulsive in my actions, and angry / hostile in my words and expressions. I can also tend to jump to conclusions. None of this helps me feel better, and also makes the situation worse. It happens because I am hurt by what someone did or said to me, and I want to protect myself. Said person might or might not know what they did. They might or might not be in a place to care or understand. I think it's natural and normal to feel anger, and even hostility. At first, I felt bad about it. Who wants to be the offended person over there? But I realized that I have control over how I respond. I can change it. It takes work, on my part. I have to be mindful of my thoughts and feelings. One good bit of advice I have gotten from my therapist, is to step back when upset (leave the room, get off the computer, etc). It takes practice. I don't know how to get rid of anger. If there was no anger in the world, I don't know if people would care to help with atrocities or social justice stuff. Take care!

I don't think we can rid our world of angry feelings, but I think we can rid our world of angry reactions (retaliation, passive aggressive behavior, various forms of punishment, etc).

In my own life, I know there is a profound difference between acknowledging a problem and dealing with it rationally in a way that I can feel good about afterward... and an angry outburst that makes me feel worse afterward.

Maybe is something you have experienced in the past? Sometimes trauma from childhood can create this type of behavior.

Lately, it's more about, "no one should treat me that way!" There was a particular incident that happened on 5/23 that still bothers me. I still think about contacting a lawyer to see if I could/should sue for libel (an acquaintance who is in law-enforcement told me that suing for libel is certainly within the realm of reason). But, in some ways, I'm hard pressed to say how the incident harmed me. It's my own judgments about the issue that make me feel upset about it.

And honestly, the thing is, it was my own anger that caused the entire incident in the first place. So, I remind myself that it can be a somewhat painful reminder of how my own anger is damaging to myself.

Now when I think about it, I feel some distress because I haven't yet completely gotten over the incident.

There is still the issue of what to do when I'm mistreated. I'm committed to dealing with the issue rationally (so not angry outbursts or hostility), but what does that leave?

In regards to the issue I mentioned above, I did very clearly let the offender know her actions were inappropriate and let her know what I expected to happen in the future. I was definitely assertive.

I think I handled the situation very well, all things considered. I think it might take a while before it fades from my memory. I still feel angry when I think about it. And even that admission is somewhat painful.

Unfortunately, it is a fact that some people (intentionally or not) and situations will continue to be an issue, and demand a reaction. I am responsible for that reaction, and I want to be sure that reaction is reasonable.