Not sure what part of the forum this would go under..

Like the title says, how do stop this? It's NOT a case of time making it better, believe me...Or any kind of exposure therapy...(I think that's what it's called)

How do you not hurt?

[Chyialee]

Hi SM. Sorry you are hurting.

IDK but am not sure anyone has the answer to self-protection from all emotional/heart pain. I suspect it's highly individualized in any case: that would only make sense, since so much of what pains us has its roots in our personal histories & how our expectations are formed.

I decided many yrs ago that since I could do nothing about the former, I'd try to control the later -- my expectations -- more clearly. Mixed success!

I also try to look at what hurts and why, as opposed to trying to paper over it (which was my former tactic -- talk about futile! sigh). If I understand that I'm waaay thin-skinned about a particular subject, it's sometimes possible to just rise above the bullcrap....and sometimes it isn't, of course. I figured out that I can't duck all the slings and arrows that hit me in my sore spots.....But :I can decide how/if I respond. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but it makes me feel way more in control...and that's a good thing!

xo

Chyia, imo of course

[avlady]

I am sorry for you too.just keep being strong,coming here is a great place to start

[LifeInDarkness]

How thin-skinned or sensitive we are is really hard to change. It's like part of our character at this point.

But please don't think it's so bad, my sensitive friends are my favorite since they tend to be the most empathetic and emotionally intelligent

[Leyla]

hi there,

i have the same problem. i am very sensitive and emotional. i still hang onto past hurts but i am trying to work on it.. it's not easy. but you can't control how someonelse will treat you, only you can control your ownself in how you deal with those feelings.

one day at a time is how i am trying to take it now.

take care

[avlady]

i know what you mean to take it one day at a time, i just wish i could do it like that but i am trying my best to take it as it comes.

[Hope 51]

I'm sensitive too and get hurt easily. It's just how I happen to be wired I believe.
The nice thing about that is I'm able to empathize with others and be more compassionate.

I would like to be less sensitive, but this is who I am.
Honestly...I'm just not sure if/how that could be changed about my personality.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much and I wish I could come up with an easy answer. I don't know if something happened to you recently, or if it's a pattern of feeling sensitive and easily hurt. I've always been a very sensitive person and one thing that helps me is accepting that as part of who I am. Our society tends to equate sensitivity with being weak, but often sensitive people simply feel things more deeply and have a very strong sense of empathy. Have you heard of Highly Sensitive People? If not you may want to read up on it.

I think it may be a boundary issue, in that if we have firm boundaries it can help us be less affected by others emotions, but still able to connect and respond with empathy.

Here is a link about emotional shielding you might find interesting:

5 Ways for Empaths to Shield from Negativity | Spirit Science and Metaphysics

[truthnlove]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Not sure what part of the forum this would go under..

Like the title says, how do stop this? It's NOT a case of time making it better, believe me...Or any kind of exposure therapy...(I think that's what it's called)

How do you not hurt?

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling right now with your sensitivity. I'm highly sensitive myself, so I understand that it's not easy. Is there any particular situation you're struggling with, or just in general?

I've found a few general things that have helped me, personally. First, is recognizing it - which you've already done. You're aware that you're highly sensitive, and that at times it results in you getting hurt easily. This allows you to take personal responsibility for your feelings, rather than blaming other people.

As I've started to recognize the degree of my sensitivity, I've also realized that I have a choice. I can either try to tone it down/turn it off, or I can learn to channel it in the right direction. I've decided to start seeing my sensitivity as a gift. It allows me to understand other people better, and to extend love to them in ways that less sensitive people might not.

That said, high sensitivity absolutely carries greater potential for hurt. But as others have mentioned, there are ways to learn how to deal with that. One, as previously stated, is establishing healthy boundaries. Another is forgiveness. Harboring resentment, even at a subconscious level, only hurts you. It's not easy, believe me - oftentimes I've thought that I'd forgiven someone, when in fact I hadn't. But as I've learned to truly let go of past offenses, I've found so much healing and freedom. As I walk in forgiveness, I can acknowledge that what other people did was, in fact, hurtful and unfair. But also choose not to stay there and wallow in it. Let it go, and move on with life. When I do that, it's also easier to see things from the other person's perspective, and realize that they've been hurt in the past, too.

Hope this helps!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Not sure what part of the forum this would go under..

Like the title says, how do stop this? It's NOT a case of time making it better, believe me...Or any kind of exposure therapy...(I think that's what it's called)

How do you not hurt?

Many sensitive people do well with learning DBT skills.
There are some sites which teach DBT skills.
One free site, run by peers teaching one another is:
DBT Self Help

I hope this helps.


WC