Why jealousy?

Why do some people get jealousy about people who are in better position (like more successful) than them? Is there any logic behind jealousy? I mean, In my personal observation, I noticed that people get more jealousy about such people who are their friends/relatives. Why so? Is jealousy a stupid emotion?

I also noticed that some people never get jealousy about others. They feel happy about others' successes too. Is this the good attitude then?

How do feel? What are your comments?

I don't know if it's stupid emotion but I believe fixating on jealousy over what other people have is a "victim mentality. Just do the best you can do and achieve the best you can regardless of what others have or do

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Hey Prince
Well if you'd ask me emotions are never stupid. One doesn't decide to have them and one can't switch them off. It's best to think of them as something which your mind produces to convey a message to you. I often have feelings and intuitively understand them, but I can't quite put them into words. If I wouldn't have a feeling accompagnying them, I probably would never start to think about these things in my mind I can't put into words.
I'll admit it, I often feel jealous, compassionately so even.
Feeling jealous has two components: One is subjectively feeling that another person does not deserve what they have or that at least oneself deserves as much what the other person has, and the other aspect of jealousy I think is that in some way it is a form of high appreciation. That is, to be jealous of someone else's attributes, be it their abilities or something material they have, means you estimate the worth of what they have very high. I think this is also the reason why people with low self esteem may feel jealous of others more often.
The last thing which comes to mind, I think jealousy is a feeling we often aren't aware of. Some people would say they never feel jealous when you ask them, but I genuinely believe this is rather due to not being aware of it when they actually do feel like that.

Well I think it might have to do with what the jealous person feels they have lost - especially if it they have been wronged by the person they resent.

But I think there are legitimate times for jealousy..

This story is but an example of the consistent gros difference of parenting between my brother and I.

One Christmas I got a skate board with the $16.99 sales tag still attached. My brother got a complete set of new hockey equipment in addition to outdoor equipment including tent, camping gear, and fishing tackle.

I think jealousy is an appropriate emotion in this case.

Being the only kid in highschool not to have a car? I think jealousy is appropriate in this case.

Having a 7am bedtime in grade 12? I think jealousy is appropriate in this case...

Emotions are there to help us; orient us within ourselves and around others. Being jealous is a lot like being angry. Anger helps us know when we feel we have lost something so we can tell others and check it out, see if it is true, if another deliberately took something of ours or if it's a misunderstanding and they had no clue we felt that way and/or we then know more about that person (if a boss took credit for something we did, for example, we discuss it with them to see "why" and if we don't like/agree with the reason we know we need to change jobs or get more education and become the boss or do something so others can't mistake who the creative/smart person is, if that's what we want) and when we are jealous, we learn what we want.

The emotion is just information, not something to be focused on in and of itself. "I wish I had won the lottery instead of John, I deserve it more than he does" tells me important information about myself and what I think of John. It's not about John and his winning. I may think I think the lottery is a stupid way to spend one's money so, learning that I'm jealous of John for winning it, might tell me different, more of my "secret" desire for money, gambling, and winning, etc. or that I think I'm better than John. All of that is things going on in my heart that need addressing and it's good to know them so I can think about/work on those issues I might not have recognized I had before.

Yeah, you are right. Sometimes, people feel that the other person does not deserve the benefit. This happens mostly in work/career I guess. But, we should know that World is not fair and we can't expect it to be. Sometimes it is hard to suppress the emotion when others get rewarded with least or no efforts from their side. The only solution to overcome jealousy, what I found, is to keep calm and let time pass.

I agree with you. It is wrong to discriminate between children by parents.
But one of the side effects of being jealousy is that we hate the other person and distance ourselves from them. But there is nothing wrong done by the other person who got benefited. Those who gave benefits can be blamed. So, to some extent,I feel, jealousy though we may think appropriate, pollutes our mind and is hence bad.
I may be wrong , this is just my personal observation. What do you think?

I come to think of it and what you said is correct. Sometimes jealousy can reveal your true desires.
And I liked what you said about lottery. We cannot always estimate outcome of our decisions. The thing about John winning is, comparison with John happen only when he wins lottery. In the past, he may have had less money, but we don't feel happier because we have more. Only when he gets richer, we compare . So, that's the problem with emotion.

I don't know the answer. I have been close to people in my life where my happiness made them upset and jealous. It hurts because my happiness did not result from my taking anything away from them. My mom was like this and so was my best friend in college.

justafriend, this sounds really bad. I feel you. It wasn't as bad as you have described it by any means in my family, but I was always the black sheep too. My mom would always tell other people about how my brother was so social and lovable and stuff while at the same time telling them the opposite about me. Also, my brother would have a bigger room and more toys and that stuff. This is really bad. The anger and feelings of hurt stay for a lifetime.

I disagree. There is something wrong when the other person makes a show of blatantly enjoying the situation I would suggest the other person has an obligation to act upon and make right the situation if they are able.

But so too does blame fall on the shoulders of those upon which the jealousy is focused.

While yes jealousy can grip us and cause debilitating resentment but to say it is wrong somehow blames the 'victim'.

It's not just about the resentment it is about how the situation was allowed to happen.

In my opinion, jealous adults have never learned how to be happy. My definition of happiness is the ability to be satisfied with what you have. My mom taught me that. She had many sayings from her life that have been given to me. (She is 90 now, and when I repeat ones that I loved, she doesn't quite remember) So, I pass them on to my son, and now my granddaughter.

Plenty of people who seem to have perfect lives, are not necessarily happy and many others who seem to have little are perfectly happy with what they have.

I'm going off topic a sec, but want to share my favorite saying of my mom's: "You are not better than anyone else, but you are just as good"

Don't know why all my posts say "Save"???????? I didn't type it.

Depends. Happiness for me is about being able and allow oneself to live through all kind of emotions. If jealousy becomes a lifestyle, though, it's surely unhealthy.

Jealousy and envy are often interchangeable.

I just want to get it across that my life isn't consumed by this. The jealousy I have is but a small part of my make up and I am careful not to let it take over. I just simply aswered the thread with examples. It does not reflect my life.

I agree with your views, you are right for some situations in which other person has an obligation to act upon and make right the situation.

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By wrong, I mean, nothing productive comes out of jealousy many of the times and we may regret about the feeling later.

We will definitely be happy if we get satisfied with what we have.
But it is difficult to do so sometimes. Problem starts when we start comparing ourselves with others who have access to more resources (like time, money, etc) than us. But at the end, i guess we should ignore it to be happy.

Yes, we should not let negative emotions take over us.

We know that you are just expressing your views on the topic.

In adulthood I just don't seem to feel jealousy, I'm curious about why others do.

For instance a few years ago I didn't get a job that I really wanted and had a lot of experience in, the job went to someone much higher qualified than me, although less experienced, who was also 20 years younger. I felt sad, I felt rebuffed, disappointed, but for some reason I didn't feel jealous - she got it because she was the candidate, the employer wanted, good luck to her.

Life is hard enough with hitting oneself over the head with jealousy IMO.

It is true, we don't need to feel jealousy or envy or sadness or any of the other fifty thousand emotions we feel. The problem with emotions is that we just have to learn to live WITH them and cope with them because we don't have any control....they just ARE.

I apologise, I made it sound like jealousy is a choice, I think that reflects my poor understanding of this feeling rather than any reality.

Thinking about it I can see that jealousy is something some people experience more than others and to a greater intensity. Why this is so I don't understand, I also don't understand why I don't seem to feel jealousy (I did in childhood, but not in adulthood) - perhaps one day I will feel it, perhaps the truth is that I've had a blessed life with no real problems up until now.

You are lucky as you don't feel jealousy anymore. I think, as years pass, we get control over our emotions.
But what if, in the example quoted by you, the other person who has applied for the job is less qualified, less capable of doing the job than you and still job is offered to the other person, what do you feel then?

I would certainly have been questioning the choice, also questioning my own performance in interview if that had been the case. Would I have felt 'jealousy'? I can't really say for sure.

I did have a lot of negative emotions at the time as it was, disappointment, rebuffed, but separated those from the person who did get the job because none of that was to do with her.

I'm quite a pragmatic logical person so maybe this is part of that.