what is wrong with me?

I have realized that I really do not know how I feel.

I have lost the love of my life because I did not know I was that much in love. I have been depressed and did not even know it. It is like I have problem seeing the reality of a situation. I keep covering up my feelings and now I don't know anymore what I feel.

Is this familiar to anyone? If I have an illness ,I'll make light of the situation or even not realize within myself that I am ill. So many times ,people assume I'm o.k when I had been suffering so much. Why can't I be real in life?? I don't have clarity about anything!

I've felt in a similar way, several times... always covering up my problems... lying... "Everything's ok"... but at one point you just can't take it anymore.

I know it's not 100% like your situation, but... I know how you feel. Be aware of this.

I hope everything will take a good turn for you

Sometimes (I think we can get into the habit starting at a very young age) we bury our emotions because we don't know how to deal with them. After a while, we don't even realize how much we do this. It takes a lot of time to rediscover your true feelings. When we bury to much, I think it can cause depression and/or anxiety. I like these articles on the subject:
Emotions Are Physical | World of Psychology
The Brilliant Way We Avoid Our Emotions | World of Psychology

Hi there. You know I have felt the same exact way you have. I overthink! It;s okay to not be okay. I don't know if you are diagnoses with a mental illness like I am, I have Bipolar depression really bad. I'm trying to get straight on my Psych meds but I have been doing a lot of positive reading about how to deal a little more positively in my life. It seems to help little bit I noticed because I automatically think negative all the time. I hope that helps a little bit