Scared to express the deepest grief/terror

I'm supposed to be following a special diet to keep a digestive disorder I have in check, but keep falling off the wagon and stuffing my face with as much sugar as I can get my hands on

I know I do this to disconnect from some emotion(s) - the deepest grief, or maybe terror.. The thing is, I don't think anyone would be able to handle it if I just let these feelings out. I know my mum couldn't, she got angry when I cried..

But I wonder if maybe there are people out there after all who could handle it.. How would you react if you saw someone wailing their guts out?

Now that I wrote this, I feel I wouldn't even actually do this, I just need to know it's safe to explore these feelings.. Growing up, I learned to swallow them as they seemed to be hurting others..

I think it's safe to explore your feelings here. People understand here.

If I saw someone wailing their guts out I would really want to give them a hug but, probably would be too inhibited so instead I would just go up to them and ask if they were okay and try to engage in conversation with them.

Do you have a therapist? If not, it might help to. You can tell them anything and they are there to listen and support you. It might help having someone else there to listen and not judge or get upset.

You are stuffing your feelings back inside yourself. Therapy can guide you to understanding and expressing your feelings.

I think a therapist or doctor could help with that..

I think it's safe to explore in the right place with the right people, that was what therapy showed me. If you don't have anyone close who you trust then a therapist can be a safe person for you.

I have had time where I have completely broken down on a close friend and I mean total meltdown - slobbery tears, snot, shuddering sobs and gasping for oxygen type melt down. That person is still my friend. Real friends can deal with that kind of thing. I hope that you have someone with whom you can be completely you, without the fear of being rejected, but if there is no one like that in your life then finding a therapist who you can trust is another option. Keep safe, hugs Hef

Thank you all so much for your replies! They mean so much to me

I actually broke down in tears when I saw people had been able to reply.. This may sound ridiculous, but I actually thought the world would come to an end if I even revealed I have these emotions inside of me, let alone show them to anyone..

I saw a therapist before but after losing my job, haven't been able to afford it.. For now, I'm just happy and grateful I can share and discuss these things here, I feel it helps make the thought of these emotions less scary to me.. So thank you all!!