[wwwcitricacid]

Lately I have been feeling very spaced out and unable to concentrate hard on things, its hard to type this in but staring off into space and just thoughtlessly typing stuff down is actually very doable.

For the last few days I have literally been staring off into space all day (including staring into the laptop screen looking at google images) as if that is all my mind wants to do, doing simple tasks like getting up or brushing teeth or putting on clothes feels very hard to do since all I feel like doing is pretty much nothing and I get very frustrated when I attempt to open a door or attempt to squeeze that damn toothpaste onto the damn little brush. ARGH.

I am a very lazy selfish and egotistical person anyway so maybe its just me being more lazy than usually or just becoming a depressingly lazy person who deserves everything that he will get. There will be many opportunities that I will voluntarily pass and quite frankly I don't care. Jobs, relationships, hobbies and owning things is just too much pressure and pathetic people like myself are incapable of having or wanting those things... If you don't want anything you don't deserve anything, that's a quote of mine.

Well I wouldn't say I am doing nothing since I am making this thread and I have been drinking a bit for the last few days to mask a dark mood that has urged me to start the drinking streak in the first place.
Trust me if I was not drinking I would probably be in bed groaning my *** off, but everyone gets down every now and then.

But yeah I am very spaced out and I don't want to do anything because I cannot cope with things since everything pisses me off. Today I have been playing on an online game and everytime I lose I get into a terrible rage then quit the game maybe hit a few things and later get back onto the game since there is nothing to do... *sigh* Its fun.
I hate how people think they can make fun of the weak and get pleasure or an ego boost from doing so, everyone is an asshole who feeds on the happiness and hope from others and this makes me so angry.
Here check this out, it just shows how horrible a lot of people are and the amount of punishment they deserve, hah, they think they can say all of those things without consequences and I wish that I can be the one who teaches them that all things have consequences (preferably drastic consequences *clenches fists*) YouTube Video 01: The Most Sensitive Guy on Xbox Live YouTube Video 02: FAKE SUICIDE TROLL ON CALL OF DUTY! (Social Experiment)

Anyway hopefully I will feel better and less hateful of everybody and everything soon, just thought I would let off some steam.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate.. please don't put yourself down. Depression has this effect on people. You're not alone, it's not yor fault and you don't deserve it

Have you tried with a therapist? Looks like you might need one..

[Thunder Bow]

This seems to be depression, anger at self is associated with depression. Actively seeking reasons to feel bad about yourself re-enforces depression. Are you seeing a Therapist?

[wwwcitricacid]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I can relate.. please don't put yourself down. Depression has this effect on people. You're not alone, it's not yor fault and you don't deserve it

Have you tried with a therapist? Looks like you might need one..

I don't think that I am depressed but what do I know, however I am still able to feed myself and sleep and maintain hygiene to survive.

I have been thinking about seeing a therapist for a while so I can have someone to talk to about my worries and my negative talk, and I cannot do that to my family members because that will bring them down and quite frankly just hearing them trying to help me annoys the hell out of me because I hear the same thing every single time.

At the moment I am happy enough to not see a therapist because I feel like since I know myself best I am the one who can offer the best support for myself, the therapist will not know my limitations nor will s/he know what works best for me.
What helps me is distracting my mind and try to do things that I want to do, even if that is staring out of the window all day.
I don't know therapists but I think they will dismiss you if they don't find you interesting, and I can guarantee if you tell a therapist that you hear voices then they will suddenly be interested and will listen to you AND THEN they will give you cocktails of medication... That's money for them at your expense.

Also I hate the idea of accepting help from therapists since I don't want help because I am living the life I always wanted to, part-time job and a drinker and I cant imagine being anything else. The idea of living the life that the average person lives makes me very nervous and I would rather not live that way of life... Its just too much pressure, too much responsibility.

I do not want to take medication because they cause more problems, even though there are new medications out there they still have bad side effects.
I will not see a therapist unless things get really bad or if life seems utterly unbearable and I would have to be in a state when I say to myself "The medication will be worth it."

Sorry for being a bit rude... And thank you for your reply

[wwwcitricacid]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

This seems to be depression, anger at self is associated with depression. Actively seeking reasons to feel bad about yourself re-enforces depression. Are you seeing a Therapist?

Will not be seeing a therapist unless things get really bad. What should I expect if I finally do see a therapist?

[Thunder Bow]

Expect healing and some understanding. Also expect healing can be scary, so have much courage, and dedicate yourself to your own healing.

[TheRose]

Originally Posted by wwwcitricacid

Lately I have been feeling very spaced out and unable to concentrate hard on things, its hard to type this in but staring off into space and just thoughtlessly typing stuff down is actually very doable.

I am a very lazy selfish and egotistical person anyway so maybe its just me being more lazy than usually or just becoming a depressingly lazy person who deserves everything that he will get.

Anyway hopefully I will feel better and less hateful of everybody and everything soon, just thought I would let off some steam.

I have been going through this zoning out as well. I get it. I started to put my milk in the cabinet, or start my car when it is already started. Mercy.

Mine is definitely depression-related. There is a saying that depression is anger without the energy.

You don't deserve anything terrible, that is part of the anger talking. Anger is a human but don't beat yourself up (a pillow, definitely yes).

I agree that you may consider therapy. I waited hoping I would wake up one day and just feel better. But it didn't happen, so I found someone to help me out a bit. I know it's a personal decision and not everyone agrees with it or is comfortable with it. I just know it has been essential for me.

I do hope you feel better soon

[Shazerac]

Hi, anger and self loathing are both indicators of depression. I doubt that you are a bad person. I'm just curious, how bad would you have to get to seek therapy? It sounds like you are already suffering a lot.

[wwwcitricacid]

Thank you for your replies and support, recently decided to go see a doctor and he prescribed me medication. Hopefully things will get better from now on.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...tion-soon.html