Angry

I didn't mean in the instructions but in the actual evaluation process, unless the application cannot be submitted in the first place without 5 references. Good luck

I'm hoping to submit the two job applications tomorrow...seems pointless though. Hell would have to freeze over before I even make it to the phone/Skype interview round. And if I did...they'd just see what a loser I am I guess.

I just frequently feel invisible, unimportant, unneeded, and unwanted in a lot of groups. It still catches me off guard if someone I don't talk to often talks to me and actually knows my name...probably hard to explain

Can you socialize on your own terms? What if it was to be you who were to organize the dinner parties and outings. This would give you the opportunity to choose locations (or even your own home) that are easier for you to manage.

There is nothing wrong with establishing boundaries by the way - even when these boundaries are over things like food.

The next time you find yourself invited to something that entails food, politely decline and offer a suggestion for what to do next time.

Is there someone you admire? I suggest observing them for a while. Why are they successful at communicating with and engaging others? Pay particular attention to their physical non-verbal communication (how close do they stand to people they are talking with, what do they do with their hands, are they making eye contact? What gestures do they make even with their head? What kind of smile do they have. Do they use their hands to gesture with or do their hands hover about their face). How in turn do people they engage react?

Do you feel comfortable similarily communicating?

Do you have a friend you can sit down with and have an honest discussion about communication?

Consider too your expectation regarding communication. Are they realistic? What sorts of things can you do on your part to achieve this?

Good luck with the interviews.

You don't lose anything. Apply and you might get an interview. Don't apply and you won't get interview.

Invisibility is my secret weapon

Your state of mind clearly needs something to give it the desired effect.

I do have someone I admire, but I'm not sure how much I would feel comfortable observing him. I really don't want to be accused of stalking or being creepy. I am a bit obsessional about him as it is and I'm pretty terrified that I'll get called out on it. Maybe someone else would work better? I'm not sure who though...I'm not sure who's considered socially adept and well liked by a majority of people. The people I can think of are usually one or the other. And then there's actually remembering to observe...it's sadly not something that I usually remember in the moment.

The only friend I can have an honest conversation with is my boyfriend and he's on the spectrum so I'm not sure he really knows the answers either.

I don't know if my expectations of communication are realistic. I would like other people to make their intentions clearer so I'm less likely to be used or put in a dangerous situation. Otherwise, I have to assume everyone has bad intentions so as not to be put in bad situations. I've been learning signs that someone has bad intentions throughout my life, but I was still taken advantage of by the last "friend" I tried to make. I would also liked to be listened to and my feelings and opinions be treated as valid whether the other person agrees with them or not.