[Rose76]

I've been hungering for my sig. other, who depends on me a lot, to say something nice . . . something appreciative. I told him that. Nothing. We are basically ignoring each other all day today.

I am demoralized. I'm the type who loves a pat on the head, or a pat on the back. He's known me for so many years. Either he's learned nothing about me, or he knows and just refuses to bother.

I feel so bad. He's unwell and dependent on me for everything. This week I drove him to four doctor appointments. All he could say, yesterday, was: "When are you going to go to the bank and deposit some checks for me?" I said, "I'll get to it. We've been busy."

So, today, I'm ignoring the stack of mail he wants me to go through. I've been in bed most of the day. He's watching TV. I'm sure he's wondering: "When the heck is she going to snap out of it?"

I'm hurting myself, brooding like this. I want some recognition. I want to be praised and told that I'm valued. My birthday was pretty much ignored.

He won't change. He'll just stare intently at the TV. If I go sit in the living room, he'll pass some remarks about what program he's watching . . . like everything is fine and that's his attempt at normal conversation.

He absolutely will not tell me I'm special (to him, at least) and that he's so glad I'm here. If I get dressed and say I'm going out, he'll just act like, "That's fine. Do what you want."

This is a very long relationship. Many years ago, when we first becane involved, he had serious difficulties that I helped him out of. Gratitude was never his strong point. So why should I expect anything different now?

His ex-wife and adult children told me years ago that he was "a pain in the @$$." They said, "Do what's good for you and stop worrying about him." They pretty much told me, "He's not worth it."

He told me long ago that I'm a moody nut. That's pretty accurate. But I improve so much from a little positive attention. So I'm waiting . . . waiting for it . . . waiting in vain.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to this. I used to feel the same way with my mother some time ago. I'm so sorry

[Gojamadar]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I've been hungering for my sig. other, who depends on me a lot, to say something nice . . . something appreciative. I told him that. Nothing. We are basically ignoring each other all day today.

I am demoralized. I'm the type who loves a pat on the head, or a pat on the back. He's known me for so many years. Either he's learned nothing about me, or he knows and just refuses to bother.

I feel so bad. He's unwell and dependent on me for everything. This week I drove him to four doctor appointments. All he could say, yesterday, was: "When are you going to go to the bank and deposit some checks for me?" I said, "I'll get to it. We've been busy."

So, today, I'm ignoring the stack of mail he wants me to go through. I've been in bed most of the day. He's watching TV. I'm sure he's wondering: "When the heck is she going to snap out of it?"

I'm hurting myself, brooding like this. I want some recognition. I want to be praised and told that I'm valued. My birthday was pretty much ignored.

He won't change. He'll just stare intently at the TV. If I go sit in the living room, he'll pass some remarks about what program he's watching . . . like everything is fine and that's his attempt at normal conversation.

He absolutely will not tell me I'm special (to him, at least) and that he's so glad I'm here. If I get dressed and say I'm going out, he'll just act like, "That's fine. Do what you want."

This is a very long relationship. Many years ago, when we first becane involved, he had serious difficulties that I helped him out of. Gratitude was never his strong point. So why should I expect anything different now?

His ex-wife and adult children told me years ago that he was "a pain in the @$$." They said, "Do what's good for you and stop worrying about him." They pretty much told me, "He's not worth it."

He told me long ago that I'm a moody nut. That's pretty accurate. But I improve so much from a little positive attention. So I'm waiting . . . waiting for it . . . waiting in vain.

Hi,
I'm afraid the only answer to your problem is to find your own entertainment. A different set of friends or interests may help you.
If he is set in his ways he is not going to change now!

[Rose76]

"Set" he is - for sure. So it is kind of stupid to get all down about it. It's like I punish myself.

I try to think up some strategy to compel him to be nicer. Like I tell him, "Say something nice to me, or I'm not doing anything for you today." Gets no results!

He'll say, in an exasperated voice, "What do you want me to say?" (I swear - this is a guy thing designed to drive women nuts.) Sometimes, I tell him - word for word. Still no results.

Oh Rose I am so sorry that he is like this with you and either can't or won't meet your needs.

You deserve to be thanked and acknowledged but what you are doing seems thankless.

I can only suggest taking as much time away from him as you can get, spending time with people who do appreciate you, doing things you enjoy as much as you can.

It sounds like this is just how he is, he's unlikely at this stage of life to change sadly.

[divine1966]

I am sorry. My suggestion is same as before. Keep your time in his house to a minimum. Go do other things the rest of the time. His kids and ex are right. I am sorry and am hurting for you.

Is he paying you? I most certainly wouldn't expect payment from loving friend or family but if I am treated like crap I'd look at it as s job. Hang in there. You are a good person. I wish you lived close by. I'd take you out for lunch or see a show, just to get out

[Rose76]

I eat for free. Does save me some money.

The VA gave me money to hire help for him. I started doing that. Awful hard to get people to do what you want, and I'm not demanding . . . plenty of paper plates . . . pre-cooked meals they just have to heat up. No matter how low I drop the bar, they don't measure up . . . just want to sit in front of TV.

Then the VA said I could do just about whatever I want with the money. So I cut down on paying helpers who don't help much. I'm getting ready to put thousands into a pre-paid burial policy . . . so, maybe, his kids will stop whining about their fear of getting stuck with final expenses. (By me doing this, I can get him buried whole, instead of cremated, which upsets me because it's not something either of our families have ever done.)

Today, I should do something productive - even tidy out some drawyers. Stuff like that always makes me feel better. I just fed the two of us. Feel like going back to bed. He's watching pre-super bowl shows. That's fine. I'm glad he's entertained. I have no interest in Sports.

I probably could bring up my Sunday shows that I like on my tablet, via my satellite app from the service at my house. Guess I'll try.

Should take a shower.

[Rose76]

I got down. Today my landlord called looking for the rent. It's the 6th. I just hadn't cared about anything for days. I was ashamed to be late. I usually pay on time for years. The money was there. I just neglected to write and mail the check.

I am neglecting myself. Not eating right. Sleeping too much.

Tonight he called me lazy. I had just given him a shower and was getting him dressed. I through him his socks and walked away. He said, "Every little thing bothers you. I was just kidding."

I don't know if I am just looking for an excuse to pout.

[divine1966]

I am so sorry. I forgot if you are in therapy and if not maybe it is something to consider?

[Rose76]

I feel like I did that to death. There's nothing left for me to say. And I've pretty much heard it all repeatedly.

I guess I'm like Donald Trump. Mainly, I consult "with myself . . . because I have a very good brain."

I stayed home for a few days, letting him more fully depend on the home attendent. I'm back here for the weekend. He's more subdued and I know he missed me. It felt wonderful to be home though. Now I feel like I got all upset over nothing.

He probably won't make any wise cracks for awhile.

I have a terrible cold starting.

That's great you took a break - I hope you will take as many as you can/need to, it sounds like you both benefited from it.

Take good care of yourself

PS - Your Trump line made me smile thanks

[Bill3]