[TishaBuv]

I have had to deal intimately with a few very difficult people. I made so few demands and laid down my boundaries very clearly, very reasonably. But these few people won't respect me. They won't treat me in the way I clearly stated as crucial to my happiness.

I wasn't unreasonable. I wasn't illogical.

It is clearly a case of they don't respect me and they simply put themselves first.

I am in a bad mood from being mistreated. That's not a disorder!

I did not do the bad things to myself that i promised myself I would never do again. I do have self control!

It's not me, it's THEM.

I accept that I cannot make people treat me as I want to be treated.

I just stopped talking to my mom.

I don't want to deal with my h as a lover anymore. In time, we will end this sham. This struggle, of him refusing to give me what I want and forcing me to have make up sex when humbled is over. No winners.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I am in a bad mood from being mistreated. That's not a disorder!

I don't want to deal with my h as a lover anymore. In time, we will end this sham. This struggle, of him refusing to give me what I want and forcing me to have make up sex when humbled is over. No winners.

I ask myself a lot, am I mentally ill or am I just recovering from stress/mistreatment? Is mental illness a label that just puts women in their place? (I read somewhere that more women suffer from depression than men for instance.)

"him refusing to give me what I want and forcing me to have make up sex when humbled is over." Yes, I have also experienced the feeling that making love can be all about domination. Sometimes struggles in marriage are about-- Who is in charge.

Only you can decide what it is that you really need. <<hugs>>

[Frankbtl]

Hi Tishabruv

You're clearly showing 20/20 insight there!! Kudos to you!!
Got to have boundaries, it's one thing giving people a chance under certain circumstances if they mess up, but completly another when you've made those boundaries clear and they're still overstepping them.
And if you accept people disrespecting you then you're not giving yourself the respect you're due either............you're just falling into their pit.
And respect to you for for not tolerating that, it can sometimes be so easy to feel that it's something you've done or you're doing, that it's your fault..........then even if you don't feel that it can still sometimes be real hard to speak up and demand more.
So stick with it, hang in there and keep on being "true to yourself"

Alison

[Marylin]

You need to tell hubby NO and that NO means NO.Never be forced into sex!

Learn to be assertive,it will help you to be assertive with the people who disrespect you also.
I have been mentally ill I am certain of that but I am equally certain my mental illness was caused by years of suffering verbal,emotional and psychological abuse and some physical neglect,as well as general neglect of my needs since I was five years old.

If there is a power struggle going on in a relationship power struggles are all about who has the control,people who need the control are the problem especially if it is because they are possessive and controlling.Sometime we want control in order to feel safe,this is healthy but if it is because we need to own someone that isn't good .

People who always put themselves first and disrespect your needs are selfish watch out they may be narcissists too and just using you for supply.

Being in a bad mood from being mistreated is a normal reaction,it make me low and angry to be mistreated.If your mum has mistreated you good on you for stopping talking to her.....you can say no to mistreatment and ultimately have no contact with people who mistreat you Tisha!

[TishaBuv]

So there have finally been some phone calls to see what's up with me.

48 hours after the scene, my aunt called and asked when I'm coming back. I said I am never speaking to my mother or to her again. Not speaking to my aunt because she didn't have the decency to call to see how I was after the abuse she witnessed me take. I let her have it! She did not apologize!

Then my mom tried to get to me by talking to my sister, saying "she'll do anything, she wants to talk to me, and she can be very forgiving!"

I can't imagine what she thinks she would be the one to be forgiving me for. I've really been pondering this, wondering if there could have been some innocent misunderstanding. I just can't imagine.

So that's that.

[TishaBuv]

Since she said she would do anything, I feel like giving her a script to read, and saying we can start over if she reads this script and make things right.

But, 1. That's stupid. The damage is already done. And 2. She wouldn't even do it. Even if I explained to her that it was a dumb choice for her financially to take the necklace from me because now I will not help her in any other way, whereas if she had acted like a loving mother, I would have.

I'll step up to my part in this power play. I'm not ashamed to admit it. C'mon, she's the one who taught me to trust no one, not even your own parent. Why should she be surprised when I can beat her at her own game?

Now I only want to have nothing of my mother's. I want only to be nothing like my mother. All those material things mean nothing!

It's hard to believe it all went down like this. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

[TishaBuv]

I'm so temped to write her about what a hurtful, evil, manipulative, and mostly DUMB SHYT she is!

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I'm so temped to write her about what a hurtful, evil, manipulative, and mostly DUMB SHYT she is!

But you KNOW better. In your anger, you might say something you regret and then she'll use that to suck you back in. Find a distraction if you can (not easy but try).

[TishaBuv]

My other sister answered my question as to why my mom feels I owe her an apology. She confirmed that my mom feels that I should just give her money with no strings attached.

Crazy-making antics.

She gets to be abusive and manipulative, I don't get to have any feelings or respect, not even any love.

This sister lives as far away as she can get from our mother and gives her nothing, never even visits.

So, I told my sister that now I'll have to giving a therapist all the money I would have given mom if she were only nice.

I'm in such a bad mood having to cope with this and the stress with husband. I'm considering asking for more serious meds.

[TishaBuv]

Mom, you f'n B, (is that too harsh?)

You pulled your very last abusive, power play over on me. Now you can figure the exit plan for your life without any help from me.

I resent all the struggle and manipulation I have suffered from you.

I really thought there was some genuine love and caring there for me. It hurts like a knife to the heart to know there is none. You only acted loving when I was doing what you wanted for your own gain.

The fact that you did not want to grant me the memento I wanted of yours, shows me how little you care for me.

It's too bad you don't understand me well enough. After all, you taught me. How could you not have realized that by disrespecting and crossing me like that, my retaliation would be to have nothing more to do with you?

[TishaBuv]

Never mind the letter. She said she's tired of my tantrums.

Oh well. Nothing to do but say nothing and just let her drown.

When she starts calling here to try to engage and manipulate me some more, I'll just say NO!

[TishaBuv]

No email, text, or call from my aunt either. She doesn't care that I wrote her off.

Let them all gossip about me behind my back. "Oh that crazy T, has anyone ever heard from her again?"

[TishaBuv]

Say my mother and my aunt are sane, logical people, and say I am the one with a disorder and they know it...
Doesn't it make sense that they would simply say they were sorry to me just to 'shut up my tantrum'?

Wouldn't it be an easy assumption for a reasonable person to get an idea that if they made peace with the 'disordered' person, it would be of benefit to them and take pity on the one with the MI?

[TishaBuv]

You know, I work with the public, customers, in heated negotiations over money, sometimes their lives in my hands.

I never encounter the kind of crap like I have to deal with from my family!

I have to keep reminding myself that I do see the situation accurately. I do have every right to be livid.

I could strong arm this situation to get what I want, except there is nothing more I want. What's done is done. There is no undoing it.

I could force her to give me the necklace. How horrible! I certainly would never want it without her blessing, that I had to force it out of her. There is no meaning.

Giving me that necklace meant her love to me. I'm sure she understood that. I made myself so clear. But she wasn't even listening.

I expect people to treat me how I think they should and I am nearly always disappointed. If this is BPD, then that's on me.

[TishaBuv]

I'm gonna have to go get some lithium or something for rage.

[TishaBuv]

Rage has me unable to do anything but feel the burn.

[TishaBuv]

Everything I posted about my past and my issues brought me to act the way I did in the altercation scene with my mother.

I learned how to recognize abuse, and how to stand up for myself and get away from the abuser. No guilt!

Thank you PC!

[TishaBuv]

It's rage, and I have good reason. It's OUTRAGEOUS!

[TishaBuv]

Apparently the consensus of my sisters is they agree that mom has a valid argument. It's clear they have all judged against me.

I just sit here and cry and feel rage surging through my veins.

I don't OD, or SH, or impulsively lash out. I just feel pain!

[TishaBuv]

How did I keep getting played by these people?

Why did I consent to giving her the 'loan'? How did I get set up to be feeling this pain now?

Because I thought I was doing something we could both live with.

But she had no intention of us both being ok...only her.

I wish I could do-over this year. I just would keep saying nothing and let her handle her own problems.

She'd still hate me.

[TishaBuv]

How I would like for my h to see how upset I am (which he does) and call my parents and tell them off, defending me.

But that would make him a person he is not. Again wishful, unrealistic thinking.

[TishaBuv]

I wish I had married someone I truly got along with. None of this BS with my parents would have happened because he wouldn't have put up with it.

I wonder if there was such a man who was right for me or if I am flawed and would have been miserable with anybody.

[TishaBuv]

I'm working on crawling off to some corner of the world all by myself. Someday...

Our anger is so bad for us--it's good that you are expressing it.
In this cartoon, I think of your mom as Lucy:

I am sure her MI is worse than yours but she is set in her ways! (Even your son called her a crazy old lady.)
Reminder: stay away as much as you can and reread the appropriate threads when you are tempted. <<hugs>>

[TishaBuv]

And the punches start rolling in...

This is the email I sent:

Apparently my giving yet another year totaling $X this time as a loan using mom's necklace as collateral does not meet with the approval of our family. I was chastised that I should have been giving and giving with no strings attached.

I am sorry to be such a disappointment to you all. S and E agree that 'Mom has a valid point' rather than defending me.

Why should they? No one defended me when Mom was screaming at me to eat when I was a child and running away crying from the dinner table. That's when the abuse started. How I wish I had gotten away sooner!

I do not want anything from Mom and Dad. Whatever assets may be left can be given to everyone but me.

I will not be contributing to this family in any way any more, as no good deed goes unpunished.

I will not be dealing with any issues for Mom and Dad, including the eventual sale of their condo.

I feel extraordinarily used and hurt. Mom said she is tired of my temper tantrums. Well, you don't have to endure anything from me anymore.

Sadly, there is no remedy. The time for an apology to me has passed.

T
------------------------
This is the first responder, sister:

I didn't get this email last night because of internet problems. Anyway, get back in touch with us after you've had time to cool off. Mothers and daughters do battle all the time- you are not alone in this. P and I understand this all too well. And I have never considered you a disappointment, so it's pretty unfair to accuse me of that. I've never heard E say anything like that either. You have no reason to blow us off, so I hope we can talk again soon.
---------------------------

Do any of you see what I see?

I am a person begging for support and validation, pleading for an ounce of empathy.

Sister 1 does not deliver. She invalidates my feelings, patronizing me to 'get back to them when I cool down'. And her only comment is to distort the words of the one way she can defend herself.