I have this feeling all the time that whatever I say is not valued. Wherever I present myself, I'm marginalized. This is true in the real world as well as in the virtual world. Probably I should keep my mouth shut and withdraw completely. At least then people would have their suspicions, instead of proving myself fool and stupid and not worthy.

[MickeyCheeky]

I know how you feel. I feel the same way in real life Please, be kind to yourself. You ARE worthy

[gayleggg]

You don't give yourself enough credit. You are valued here for sure and you are worthwhile irl too. Be kind to yourself.

[Skeezyks]

Well... I have pretty-much withdrawn completely, except for here on PC. And even here I do some things to distance myself. I wrote in a reply, a day or two ago, that I sometimes imagine the world to be sort-of like a parade. And I'm sitting by the side of the street watching it trail off into the distance. I can't say as I'm sad to see it go.

I have a YouTube channel I use just as a place to access music videos I enjoy listening to. I don't upload videos myself. A couple of other members subscribed to my channel. I can't imagine why. Anyway, I closed my channel & then opened a new one just to get rid of my subscribers!

I'm a student of the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. And in her writings Ani Pema talks a lot about developing the capacity to open all the doors & windows & let everyone (& everything) in. I understand what she's saying. But that's the one place where I part company with her. I'm not opening the doors or the windows for anyone!

I hear ya...



Some people just seem to get attention by their mere presence. Some of us...not so much.

For example. I was in a store and had to stand on line for my turn (it was just one person after the other...all orderly). Person in front of me was being waited on and the next available clerk asked the person BEHIND me "can I help you?"....

This has happened to me more than once.

I remember at school when a question was asked, even if my hand was up I NEVER got called on....

I don't get it. I am not miserable. I smile, generally. I laugh loudly. I don't try to stand out, but I make NO effort to blend in.

The problem is that this kind of thing is STILL getting reinforced for me.

I wish I knew the answer, or had some tricks up my sleeve, but I don't and I really feel for you Mr. Stranger.

FWIW I see you. I think you are well-spoken and I know you're intelligent. You are not awkward here and seem confident. And (trust me) I don't go around complimenting people JUST to be polite. I tell it like it is.

I only feel that way when I am depressed but I hear what you are saying everyone is different. I do enjoy your threads. You are an interesting read. I find it interesting the the anonymity of PC has me "confessing" about some of my wildest activities (though it probably only feels that way to me ) Post on--I think it may help you and your presence at this forum is positive. You're fun (yes, I know depression isn't always fun but you talk about other things also) because you are a thinker!

Yes, continue to be involved please. You ARE valued.

I have very low tolerance for frustration, and I switch between mental states in a blink of an eye, not gradually like most people. I cannot handle my emotions very well. They are overwhelming. It's always been like this for me. Every time I think maybe now I'm better and strong (which was the case for the last 3-4 days), a small setback throws me 100 steps backward. No wonder why I prefer to be alone and keep quiet and avoid interacting with others in general. What seems normal to others, I take it as offensive and frustrating.

I think I'm very sensitive, which obviously doesn't help me in this harsh world. I'm not weak intellectually or physically, but I'm weak emotionally, and quite immature in that dimension of personal development. I've tried several times to control my emotions, but I don't seem to be able to do so. Any uncomfortable situation, even the smallest that is deemed trivial and acceptably tolerable by others, triggers in me an extreme fight or flight response. Most of the time I choose the flight option and withdraw. I think this is what causes me depression, or at least one factor in the problem. I harbor so much anger inside me. I keep my frustration and anger inside me, and become resentful. Not to mention how this hinders me living my life and exploring my opportunities in life to take a place in this world instead of being the nobody I have been. I don't know how to deal with these situations when someone disrespects me or when I feel ignored and not valued.

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

I think I'm very sensitive, which obviously doesn't help me in this harsh world. I'm not weak intellectually or physically, but I'm weak emotionally, and quite immature in that dimension of personal development. I've tried several times to control my emotions, but I don't seem to be able to do so. Any uncomfortable situation, even the smallest that is deemed trivial and acceptably tolerable by others, triggers in me an extreme fight or flight response. Most of the time I choose the flight option and withdraw. I think this is what causes me depression, or at least one factor in the problem. I harbor so much anger inside me. I keep my frustration and anger inside me, and become resentful. Not to mention how this hinders me living my life and exploring my opportunities in life to take a place in this world instead of being the nobody I have been. I don't know how to deal with these situations when someone disrespects me or when I feel ignored and not valued.

I don't have an anwer about your depression other than do positive things (nature, exercise, eat nutritiously), read positive things and be with positive people (PC is like people when you are isolated). Do keep posting about things that make you angry. I think unexpressed/unprocessed anger can be very dangerous. In my case, it fueled a serious attempt. I think one of the positive ways you deal with things is "intellectualizing" the problem. Dealing with things factually can defuse some of the emotions within us that cause us problems.

[JDH]

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

I have this feeling all the time that whatever I say is not valued. Wherever I present myself, I'm marginalized. This is true in the real world as well as in the virtual world. Probably I should keep my mouth shut and withdraw completely. At least then people would have their suspicions, instead of proving myself fool and stupid and not worthy.

These thoughts about yourself are hurting you; the way you express yourself you have value and you must realize that and put forth your ideas and opinions to others; you cannot control what they think of you, and it's been said:
"What others think of you is none of your business". Your business is to keep making yourself be in the present moment.
Wish you well.

[it'sgrowtime]

You are worthy. You are not a fool. You are intellectual, very educated. You are working on finding peace with emotions... discovering what is "you" and your style...maybe youre wanting to stretch outside your culture a bit? Street smarts are an art...not everyone is an artist, but anyone can draw a stick figure I don't want my pep talk to seem like downplaying your feelings. Honestly, I just relate so much to the pain you describe.
There are kind, loving, compassionate people out there, everywhere. There are resources. Take a mind/body health class. There are people with open arms. They exist! And most people are just having their own struggle.
Trust doesn't come easy for me, and I've been learning to trust myself first. I learn to navigate these situations, I can be aware of my feelings, thoughts, myths...I can calm myself and soothe myself better now by remembering my new road map. You have what you need inside, it may just be obscured by defenses at the moment.
Solidarity with you!

I'm not interested in being popular and capturing the attention of others in any way, but I don't like it when I'm treated like I don't exist and be ignored when I speak or when I present myself. I avoid people and most social situations because I want to avoid being hurt, but it seems that I sometimes forget this. You might think by exposing myself and allowing myself to be hurt I can develop resilience or "thick skin" for social setbacks, but I'm not. I honestly have stopped trying to socialize in the real world. I haven't stepped out of my apartment for the last 4 days. I just go out to buy groceries once a week or so. Now I feel these setbacks are happening to me through the virtual world where I live. I don't understand why. Sometimes I think I may have a fundamental problem in communicating with people, even in the virtual world.

I also don't communicate well, I feel. I edit what I say too much...

I guess my thoughts happen way faster than my mouth and people just get part of the whole thing.

FWIW...I never was able to grow a thick skin about very much. And I've had way lots of years of exposure.