[Puella Non-Grata]

I hate my exs but I've sort of developed a kind of Stockholm syndrome. Currently I'm not with them but despite the hell I had been through (emotionally) I'm still attached to them. Either I can't let go of the past, or don't want to IDK. But I find myself wishing I never left them or vise versa. IDKY I keep obsessing about them. It don't love them. My emotions are all over the place. Just saying: Why is it that we do this to ourselves. It's like putting your hand in the fire over an over again just to be reminded you can feel. I hate it yet when I feel the hurt, I feel better and yet HURT at the same time!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Puella: I don't know the answer to this. I think most of the time something old & familiar can be more attractive than striking out in a new & unknown direction... even if that old situation isn't a good one. I'm afraid it's a pretty common human foible...

I read many posts in the Relationships and Communications forum where a husband/boyfriend would abuse his wife/girlfriend even physically, and yet, the wife/girlfriend would say "But I still love him .... " (in your case you say you are emotionally attached, and I am not quite sure what that means). I wanted to ask this question so many times why a woman would love someone who abuses/abused her. I am curious to know the answer for this as well.

[Puella Non-Grata]

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

I read many posts in the Relationships and Communications forum where a husband/boyfriend would abuse his wife/girlfriend even physically, and yet, the wife/girlfriend would say "But I still love him .... " (in your case you say you are emotionally attached, and I am not quite sure what that means). I wanted to ask this question so many times why a woman would love someone who abuses/abused her. I am curious to know the answer for this as well.

I'm with a good person now for 5 years. I keep wondering about some of my exs. Our relationships were bad... Or was it me idk. I know for a fact tho at least the last two exes were abusive. Exes include fps (favorite people) and bfs. Sometimes I feel like my current s.o isn't enough and that something is missing and I feel empty. The thoughts of them sort of like an obsession. I don't love them. I love the idea of them. Idk if I'm making any sense.

I think we love bad men because somehow we think we can fix them or look to them to fix us. After all they always somehow know what's best for us. I have a fetish for bad guys... Sometimes I wouldn't mind getting slapped around but at the same time I feel I get myself into these situations so that I look to be saved and to feel sorry for. Looking to be saved feels nice. I feel validated until the nice guy gets boring and thus the cycle continues. At least from my experiences.

[calcifur]

I understand how you feel. Humans are so full of emotion its hard to always be in control....

Originally Posted by Puella Non-Grata

...
I think we love bad men because somehow we think we can fix them or look to them to fix us. After all they always somehow know what's best for us. I have a fetish for bad guys... Sometimes I wouldn't mind getting slapped around but at the same time I feel I get myself into these situations so that I look to be saved and to feel sorry for. Looking to be saved feels nice. I feel validated until the nice guy gets boring and thus the cycle continues. At least from my experiences.

We humans have the same brains of cavemen who lived tens of thousands of years ago. Females were attracted to confident and powerful/aggressive males because it meant something for their offspring survival. We have succeeded in changing our surroundings significantly and now live in cities run by technology, but from the inside, we are still those primitive human beings. I think it is true that nice guys end last somehow, this is because bad guys are usually more confident and outgoing and maybe funnier.

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

We humans have the same brains of cavemen who lived tens of thousands of years ago. Females were attracted to confident and powerful/aggressive males because it meant something for their offspring survival. We have succeeded in changing our surroundings significantly and now live in cities run by technology, but from the inside, we are still those primitive human beings. I think it is true that nice guys end last somehow, this is because bad guys are usually more confident and outgoing and maybe funnier.

Oh Mr.Stranger, you write a lot of truth about primitive instincts but I know so many nice guys who are confident and funny (I can take or leave outgoing personally) - my husband is one of them.

I don't know why someone would love an abusive ex either, although in my younger years I had a very brief attraction to a man who treated me badly, fortunately for me he got sick of me and I met my husband - otherwise life may have been different. In my case I totally forgot the ex once I met the man who became my husband - he was far more interesting and fun to be with so I don't relate to thinking about an ex.

In answer to the OP, my instinct tells me this could be to do with self-esteem issues, that you may be struggling with your self worth and bad treatment may confirm your poor self worth and feel 'comfortable' some how.

[jenistar1]

Hi,

You may take a new hobby for you. This will help you to be more positive.