[DechanDawa]

That is all I do. 100% of the time.

For almost 3 years I thought it wad due to mental illness.

Now I think I am just a loser who can't seem to improve my life situation.

My thing is I am always "seeking advice and support" -- but now I think it is more like I am whining and complaining ad nauseum and that's why I am alone.

See? Here I am again, asking for advice. And support.

But honestly I REALLY WANT TO STOP THIS HABIT.

My thought is to reserve complaining ONLY for my journal where I am only making myself irritated.

I actually have TRIED not complaining to people closest to me like my son or best friend but I literally cannot be on the phone with them without ending up crying.

I also think I need learn how to kick myself in the butt instead of indulging in self pity.

Force yourself to become engrossed in activities? Walking, running, cooking, meditating, praying, cleaning, binge watching a comedy series or movies? Laying in bed ruminating contributes to the problem. I know some people have the type of depression that makes it hard for them to get out of bed every day but make your battle be about accomplishing small goals rather than changing your thoughts. If you do something enough, you will start thinking about it.....<<hugs>>

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Force yourself to become engrossed in activities? Walking, running, cooking, meditating, praying, cleaning, binge watching a comedy series or movies? Laying in bed ruminating contributes to the problem. I know some people have the type of depression that makes it hard for them to get out of bed every day but make your battle be about accomplishing small goals rather than changing your thoughts. If you do something enough, you will start thinking about it.....<<hugs>>

THANK YOU. I really have big things I think about like finding a job, finding and moving to a cheaper place in an impossible rental market, saving up money to move closer to my son 2,000 miles away, not going bankrupt or defaulting on my student loans. I have really excellent credit and I ruminate on what will happen if I ruin it. I am alone and I need good credit for renting apts. etc. I need either one good job or three bad jobs. I am nearing retirement age...alone...and somehow need the energy to work until I die. So yeah, those keep me in bed. I watch YouTubes for distraction...mostly inspirational. But I could try the activity thing. I heard one YouTuber make fun of all these "activities" -- he said when he was depressed he needed to fix his life...not run a mile every morning. When he fixed his life he got rid of the depression. I kind of agree. I am training for a half marathon but it isn't really fun. And I don't train consistently.

[RainyDay107]

A therapist told me she took a Positive Psychology course and they had an interesting assignment - it came to mind when I read your post.

The assignment was no complaining, no negative talk, no gossip. For 21 days, which is considered the number of days it takes to create a new habit.

Give it a try! Think positive.

Here's a visualization that I use sometimes: If negativity enters your mind, recognize it without judgment, feel it for a short time, and let it go. Let the negative thoughts or the complaining silently float away. You can picture a balloon or bubble with your complaint inside, floating away.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by glamslam

A therapist told me she took a Positive Psychology course and they had an interesting assignment - it came to mind when I read your post.

The assignment was no complaining, no negative talk, no gossip. For 21 days, which is considered the number of days it takes to create a new habit.

Give it a try! Think positive.

Here's a visualization that I use sometimes: If negativity enters your mind, recognize it without judgment, feel it for a short time, and let it go. Let the negative thoughts or the complaining silently float away. You can picture a balloon or bubble with your complaint inside, floating away.

Thanks. That's a good one. Can I still complain in my journal? Okay. I can see where I could write down my problems and possible solutions without it being in a complaining mode.

When I get stressed I do talk to certain members of my family about other members. I could stop that. It's the closest I come to gossip.

I guess I could challenge myself but it would be REALLY REALLY REALLY hard for me to not complain aloud for 21 days.

Right now all my negative thoughts are like a ROAR. This is kind of what happens. I worry so much and then my negative worry thoughts increase and overpower me. I could try to just let them be what they are, I guess.

I guess when I say complaining what I really mean is self-pity. I definitely feel that my problems are bigger than anyone's problems. I don't always feel this way but I have felt this way during the past year.

[MickeyCheeky]

Writing down your negative thoughts and complaints I believe can be really helpful I can relate to your feelings, as complaining is pretty much all I do, as well because I don't really know what to do or where to start. And my therapists haven't been helpful at all in this regard However, I think that seeking for support is not a bad thing when you need it. So I hope you'll keep posting here

[bri00]

I know you said you were training for a half marathon, but have you experimented with muscle training? I was in sort of the same situation as you, and when I took up weight lifting, a switch just flipped on and I stopped obsessing over a lot of things. There's just something about working your muscles to the point of failure that feels great and distracts me from feeling down. It's definitely not for everyone, but calisthenics might be worth a try sometime.
If not physical activity, just any hobby could help you get your mind off of things. I'm not a professional, this is just my opinion.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Writing down your negative thoughts and complaints I believe can be really helpful I can relate to your feelings, as complaining is pretty much all I do, as well because I don't really know what to do or where to start. And my therapists haven't been helpful at all in this regard However, I think that seeking for support is not a bad thing when you need it. So I hope you'll keep posting here

Hmmm. I am not so sure, Mickey, that writing my negative thoughts in my journal is a good thing. It is kind of like cheating. To not complain for 21 days would be as difficult for me as a marathon. I literally have been trying to do this in my head and it hurts. Do you wanna try this with me, maybe? Just try and let me know how it goes for you.

I think I would have to not put the negative thoughts in my journal, either.

I have been so negative for so long this is a super big challenge.

Here's an example: When I told my son I got fired from my job I was really upset. My son said, "You tried. That's the success. You can try again. Getting fired doesn't have anything to do with it." My son reads and listens to a lot of positive coaching stuff.

Believe me it will be hard for me to do this but I feel challenged. How about you?

[MickeyCheeky]

Different methods work for different people - some may benefit from working something positive every day, for example - so the opposite approach. Some others try to do both.

Thank you for the offer, but I don't have a journal although I did try to write one, but I'm so easily distracted that I forget about it. Yeah, it's a problem

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Different methods work for different people - some may benefit from working something positive every day, for example - so the opposite approach. Some others try to do both.

Thank you for the offer, but I don't have a journal although I did try to write one, but I'm so easily distracted that I forget about it. Yeah, it's a problem

Well no, not the journaling part. Just the part of trying to not complain for 21 days. I don't think I can stop it in my head but I can stop doing it aloud. I think that is really the best I can do. I will also try to be more positive in my journal. That's all. I think it's a good exercise.

[MickeyCheeky]

One step at the time.. I'm sure you can do it

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

One step at the time.. I'm sure you can do it

You could give it a little teeny weeny try, too. Sometimes. I'm sure you can do it, too.

[RainyDay107]

Journaling is good. It's ok to complain--there's no failure...just wanted to pass on an idea from a therapist. Ditch it if it doesn't gel. Journaling is always helpful for me. xo

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by glamslam

Journaling is good. It's ok to complain--there's no failure...just wanted to pass on an idea from a therapist. Ditch it if it doesn't gel. Journaling is always helpful for me. xo

My CBT psychologist just called. I didn't mention anything about this thread. Her "homework" for me this week was every time I have a negative thought to counter it with a positive thought and write it down. She doesn't want me to collect negative thoughts. She wants me to collect positive thoughts. She thinks I am creating a failure mindset to try to deal with my anxiety but it's makes it worse. Gotta do this homework.

How's it going Dechan?

My husband suggested I collect all my frustrations and write them down in a book - he even bought me a notebook - I write down my frustrations and then after 7 days destroy the page. 'Let it go' so to speak, it's a way of ordering my thoughts, complaining is natural, we all do it sometimes - life is not fair.

Thinking about the Youtuber saying he needs to fix his life not run a mile every morning - well, many people have found running a mile a day is part of fixing their life. I am a little out of love with running these days (my fitness has declined) but there have been times when running (& other runners) have kept me just above the parapet of severe depression.