[i_am_peacock]

I jog through my neighborhood for about half an hour every morning, and I hike on trails in city parks and natural areas. When jogging, I give the finger to nearly every driver that passes by me (even when I am on the sidewalk rather than the street, and most fervently when a car could have pulled over one lane to avoid zooming right past me but failed to do so). I get a feeling of shock and whisper expletives whenever I notice another person anywhere in my view, whether they are on the street, sidewalk, or trail, or even if they are simply doing something in their front yard like watering or taking out trash. I always avoid eye contact, and if someone attempts to greet me, I ignore them. If someone is walking on the wrong side of a street (the right side rather than the left, so they can't see cars approaching them), I mutter "wrong side" as I pass them, loudly enough for them to hear me.

I am generally asocial (i.e., I don't go to parties or eat meals with people), but I am perfectly fine with—and often enjoy—being around and interacting with other people when I *choose* to do so, such as when I am working at the hospital or attending a worship service.

Does anyone else experience bursts of rage and disturbance when their solitude is "infringed upon" while they are trying to enjoy the outdoors? Also, does anyone have any advice on how to stop having these primal, defensive responses toward other people when jogging and hiking?

[Sunflower123]

Welcome to PC. You'll find lots of support here. No, I can't say I understand your post. Is this something you enjoy doing or are you looking to get help with it? It sounds miserable. Best wishes.

It sounds like you are feeling threatened by the presence of others, and hyper-vigilant.

I wonder if it might help to distract yourself while out, for example focussing on something else - maybe buildings or the lanscape around you. Have you tried listening to music, preferably a type which is calming or feel-good?

I don't understand this. About the closest thing I experience to this is when I am climbing or hiking and encounter people completely unprepared or being dopes. But it is their ineptitude that frustrates me not their presence.

Do you feel you have more of a right to be there than they do? Is it that you feel threatened by them and their presence? Is this anxiety related? Could this be a trigger to some OCD related symptoms? Would you say you are reacting to intrusive thoughts?

Look, I'm going to be direct. It seems you have an unrealistic sense of entitlement.

To be more supportive however there are things you can do. Can you talk to a friend about this? What about your employer's EAP? A therapist? Even your family doctor. Are you already diagnosed and seeing a professional? Ensure s/he know about this too.

[unaluna]

Wow. I would caution you against flipping off people in cars. You never know when you might come across someone looking to victimize someone.

[MickeyCheeky]

Does this happen all the time? If it happens only certain days, perhaps you're just having a stressful day..

I can speak from experience on this topic because I feel this way a lot, particularly when I'm stressed and/or not given ample time to recharge.

Are you an introvert? Because I am an introvert and if I'm not given at least a few hours a day to myself to recharge, I become hostile and irritable towards other people.

If you aren't an introvert than it could be simply stress causing this as other's on this thread pointed out.

Chances are though, you could be a fellow introvert who is being denied precious recharge time. If so, I would highly recommend putting more time aside for yourself to do introvert things.

[i_am_peacock]

To answer your questions, I have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and OCD. I currently take Viibryd. I tried counseling, but it did not help. I do listen to music while I jog, and I focus on nature and on the ground right in front of me to make sure I don't step on anything that could cause me to stumble or get my shoes dirty.

I do not like having these intense shock/anger reactions, but I don't think there's anything that I can do to prevent them.

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only person who has these reactions.

[Thunder Bow]

Sometimes being critical of others, means you are feeling lonely. Try sharing the outdoors with someone, and see how you feel?

[amandalouise]

yea Im with unaluna here its very dangerous to be flipping the bird to passer byers. theres no way to know the person you may be flipping off may have their own mental illnesses, or problems that day, and carrying a gun, knives, bombs or other weapons. you flip off the wrong person.

also something to consider with all the political crap going on in the USA, some states, cities and towns are cracking down on behaviors that can incite violence and riots, road rage, and such so in some of these location flipping the bird is actually illegal (inciting violence, city morality codes, misdemeanors and other such laws that some cities have recently enacted ...)

my suggestion since traffic and other pedestrians bother you when you run you might invest in a treadmill and some wall papers where you can run in the comforts and privacy of your own home, or go to a gym were you can do things like run and watch a movie or run on a track during times when there are no others around.

[i_am_peacock]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

yea Im with unaluna here its very dangerous to be flipping the bird to passer byers. theres no way to know the person you may be flipping off may have their own mental illnesses, or problems that day, and carrying a gun, knives, bombs or other weapons. you flip off the wrong person.

also something to consider with all the political crap going on in the USA, some states, cities and towns are cracking down on behaviors that can incite violence and riots, road rage, and such so in some of these location flipping the bird is actually illegal (inciting violence, city morality codes, misdemeanors and other such laws that some cities have recently enacted ...)

my suggestion since traffic and other pedestrians bother you when you run you might invest in a treadmill and some wall papers where you can run in the comforts and privacy of your own home, or go to a gym were you can do things like run and watch a movie or run on a track during times when there are no others around.

I would actually love to get shot. I don't care if I'm arrested. This isn't something I can control.

[i_am_peacock]

Also, there is no way that I would trade running outdoors for running on a treadmill. I absolutely need the fresh air, sunlight (even if it's coming through clouds), and sense that I'm actually progressing rather than running in place. I would not run on a track (even if there was one near my house), either, since I need my surroundings to change as I jog, and I need inclines in order to get better strength training and to get my heart pumping more.

[wolfgaze]

I would encourage you to continually ask yourself and spend a significant amount of time contemplating whether your reactions and subsequent behaviors are benefitting you in any way and contributing to your well-being... What do you actually gain from doing this, in the long run? You continue to feel agitated each time - don't you? You cannot feel at peace and feel relaxed if you are getting wound up by these types of occurrences. Additionally, the drivers that you flip off are not going to change/alter/improve their driving habits because you flipped them off... The pedestrians that you pass by and inform 'wrong side' are not going to change their walking habits because of what you said... Psychologically, it's hard for me to understand the underlying cause & reason for you experiencing reacting the way that you currently do. Maybe there is more information from your history/past which would be relevant and applicable here? Perhaps the key to outgrowing such reactions/behaviors is gradually arriving at the realization and awareness that continuing to act & react in this manner is only limiting you and dragging you down - it's certainly not helping you and not contributing to your well-being. So perhaps you arrive at a point where you decide you've had enough of being this particular way and then you are ready to push yourself in a different direction - you know?

Lastly, how well have you researched that drug you are ingesting (Viibryd?)... What are the types of side effects that other consumers have reported? Any possibility that this substance is influencing or contributing to the episodes of anger/agitation and the emotional outbursts?

[i_am_peacock]

The purpose of the Viibryd is to reduce my anxiety and anger.

[i_am_peacock]

I'm sorry, but most of the posts in this thread are making me mentally shoot the middle finger. I think my anger is just a primal response that I have when I feel threatened or stressed. When I'm jogging, my heart is racing and my adrenaline level is high, so I become very defensive, like a caveperson being chased by a dinosaur or cannibal. When reading this thread, I'm absorbing a lot of criticism and chastising, which also trigger defensiveness.

If my state (Texas) or the federal government eventually legalizes marijuana, I may finally be cured. Until then, I suppose I'll continue to release my anger in the relatively harmless ways that I do (I promise that I will never allow myself to carry a gun or knife on my jogs and hikes). Few, if any, drivers seem to notice my flipping, since I just release the middle finger from one or both of my closed fists as I continue to move my arms back and forth (also, I usually start right after they pass, so it's not coming up in their face).

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Sometimes meds we are taking to help a symptom actually can increase that symptom. And some meds work better for certain symptoms than others. If Vibryd is not making these symptoms go away then maybe you need to try a different med. It's worth checking in with your doctor.

Originally Posted by i_am_peacock

I'm sorry, but most of the posts in this thread are making me mentally shoot the middle finger. I think my anger is just a primal response that I have when I feel threatened or stressed. When I'm jogging, my heart is racing and my adrenaline level is high, so I become very defensive, like a caveperson being chased by a dinosaur or cannibal. When reading this thread, I'm absorbing a lot of criticism and chastising, which also trigger defensiveness.

If my state (Texas) or the federal government eventually legalizes marijuana, I may finally be cured. Until then, I suppose I'll continue to release my anger in the relatively harmless ways that I do (I promise that I will never allow myself to carry a gun or knife on my jogs and hikes). Few, if any, drivers seem to notice my flipping, since I just release the middle finger from one or both of my closed fists as I continue to move my arms back and forth (also, I usually start right after they pass, so it's not coming up in their face).

Actually what you describe about your primal reaction is very much part of running in my experience - when people are in races that is what pushes them to go that bit faster. The adrenaline is pumping.

That said the aggressive reaction is not usual in my experience. I think modifying your reaction such as making sure your finger is not obvious is a sensible way of handling it.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by i_am_peacock

The purpose of the Viibryd is to reduce my anxiety and anger.

Originally Posted by i_am_peacock

I'm sorry, but most of the posts in this thread are making me mentally shoot the middle finger. I think my anger is just a primal response that I have when I feel threatened or stressed. When I'm jogging, my heart is racing and my adrenaline level is high, so I become very defensive, like a caveperson being chased by a dinosaur or cannibal. When reading this thread, I'm absorbing a lot of criticism and chastising, which also trigger defensiveness.

If my state (Texas) or the federal government eventually legalizes marijuana, I may finally be cured. Until then, I suppose I'll continue to release my anger in the relatively harmless ways that I do (I promise that I will never allow myself to carry a gun or knife on my jogs and hikes). Few, if any, drivers seem to notice my flipping, since I just release the middle finger from one or both of my closed fists as I continue to move my arms back and forth (also, I usually start right after they pass, so it's not coming up in their face).

Okay, no problem.... The reason I mentioned the Viibryd was because when I did a quick Google search earlier - some of the possible Side Effects that came up included things like agitation, decreased inhibitions, and risk-taking behavior...

[mc2ed]

I am only writing as an observation...and opinion....your first posts it feels as if you are searching for a way to change....and then your later posts...in reading...it feels as if you are quite content with your behavior...and have no willing directive to shift into anything else....As for the comment you would like to get shot...that is a little out of range....of my pain willingness.....I have seen bodies that have taken bullets....not sure I have faith that anyone would really...."love to get shot"......unless you have a wish to remove yourself from life....

Your explanation of holding your flipping into a more inconspicuous position.....disguised in your clenched fists...and a bit after they have passed....shows some restraint...and a bit of wisdom....maybe you are indulging a part of yourself...most hide.......allowing something to fall away without festering.....I have used anger to give myself physical strength....to push myself to arrive at a point past my body's willingness to continue....

You work in a hospital...?...is your anger a method of release......allowing you to function at other times in restraint of mental duress..?......or are you just writing in wondering...if anyone else feels to act as you do....I have never felt this way...steadily....though there are times....I would imagine we all have thoughts of violence we would not act on either.....I hope you continue to be without confrontation...in your runs.......